User:Alph Main/sandbox

Adam "The Kid named Finger" Warlock is a silly guy. After bombing an IM1 test at the University of Phoenix, he noticed something FREAKY being brewed. With every MLB player mysteriously vanished, he didn't know who could help him. After jerking it, Adam set off to find some unlikely heroes...

The Wander Zone

Josh Allen awaited his banishment to the Phantom zone after being caught at a drive through with his pants down, asking "Is it in you?" However, alongside him was Julio Urias who is being banished for beating Livvy Dunne in the Tijuana streets. Lastly, Ohtani's Translator Ippei was being banished after amounting an MLB record $14 trillion in debt.

Josh stared at Julio, suspicious of his skin color. Julio got annoyed, telling Allen that he was coming for his wife. Allen told Julio that his wife is literally Hawkeye, and she would snipe his ass. Urias was unfazed, saying Shameik Moore would come tag team Hailee with him. This whole debacle was happening while Ippei used his final phone call to ask the loan sharks for more money.

CP Freak

Allen spots a minority in the phantom zone (he needs to leave).

Before Josh and Julio could put each others fingers in their mouths, a huge blast of energy hit them and they were sent to the phantom zone. However, the phantom zone was nothing like they expected. It was covered in Tampa Ray Ray decorations, had many children running around, and had cum stains all over the floor. Ippei quickly set out looking for the nearest slot machines while Josh and Julio followed the cum trail.

The duo encountered a giant palace and went inside to find some women to do nefarious things to. As Josh WANDERED around, he started thinking about how he was now 0-4 against Kermit Mahomes. He cried realizing that he would now be called the Houston Asstros. Suddenly, a hooded figure pointed a gun at Allen, and Josh immediately assumed they were black.

The hooded figure took off his hood and was revealed to be Luigi Mansion. Luigi knew Allen was rich enough to be a CEO, and was ready to blow his brains out. Josh was about to whip it out when somebody told Luigi not to shoot. Kingpin Wander approached Josh and told him he was a fan of his work, although he recommended taking off his pants at children's parks too. Julio soon joined the gang after beating up one of Wander's child lovers, but Wander didn't care because she was ran through.

Wander explained that after being banished away, he took full control of the Phantom zone by using his super long tongue to assert dominance. He hired Luigi to be his personal assassin, after he was banished for shooting CEO Toad in the head. All of this info went over Josh's head, as he was too focused on Wanders dark skin. Julio was getting angsty because he had now gone 48 hours without Marvel Rivals. He mains Hulk and only targets the female characters. Ippei finally arrived to the palace, and asked Wander for some cash. Wander responded...

"No Bitch. Now let me go FINGER my 14 year old!... wait, why do I hear Crazy on You by Heart?"

Fly

In an instant, Luigi got pulverized by a flying yellow man causing him to lose five 1-ups. Wander pushed the nearby children to his dick for protection, as the shitters fought Adam. Julio didn't know how to punch a man, and Josh was left standing there puzzled, unsure of his opinion for people with gold skin color. At least Ippei was able to grab ahold of Adam’s wallet.

Adam when Ippei finds his credit card.

Adam told them he meant no harm, helping Luigi up and giving him a golden tanooki suit as an apology. Adam then introduced himself to the shitters, but told them he preferred to be called "The Kid named Finger." Wander immediately got jealous as the children around were staring in awe at Adam like he was some kind of Marvel Superhero. Josh eventually came to the conclusion that gold people were ok, so he embraced Adam with a hug and giant smile.

Adam informed everybody of a looming threat. He told them that at the University of Phoenix he saw the Blonde Barista cooking up something devious in her cafe. Shortly after, Eminem was being blasted and green ooze leaked out of the building. While he couldn't rule out the possibility of a hardcore alien threesome, Adam believed it was something much worse. Julio's fists watered upon hearing there is a female involved.

Wander was getting fussy and wanted to touch kids, so he asked Adam why he was here. Adam informed the shitters that he tried finding players such as Titties Jr and Gary Soto for help, but they were nowhere to be found. All that was left behind was their gooey motorcycle avocado shid. So instead, he needs the help of these dumbasses. and in exchange would free them from the phantom zone.

Julio was in right away, ready to punch a woman. Luigi was also excited, planning to now trap CEO’s in the poltergust. After offering Ippei a lifetime membership at Sycuan Casino, Adam was able to recruit him as well.

Josh was originally down, but after telling his wife that he wouldn’t love her if she turned into a chlamydia ridden termite, he said he needed to go stop her from cutting herself. Adam couldn’t let Josh leave though, so he said the words. “Is it in you?” Allen became stone faced, dropped his pants, and immediately started yelling “IF IT AINT WHITE IT AINT RIGHT!”

After getting everyone together, Adam explained his plan “WE (yes that includes u Wander Franco) are going to break into the University of Phoenix and stop whatever penises we find!” Wander, spitting a kid’s privates out of his mouth, said “We? Whose We? I ain’t leaving my lovers bruv.” Adam immediately soul bonded Wander’s bank accounts to Ippei’s, and Wander watched his finances plummet. He eventually relented, and joined the Kid named Finger in his crusade.

Because they're gunna taste my...

The group looked like that one badass Kratos gif as they fell from the heavens back to earth. They took no fall damage because they landed on crash pads. The squad ended up at Arizona Dickbags stadium, waiting to get their dicks bagged. However, just like in Guardians 3, Adam set off on his own to do jackshit.

Joyride

Within milliseconds, the police flooded Arizona Dickbag stadium as Urias's ankle monitor and Wander's penis monitor both went off. Wander took the opportunity to prove to the world he still has his baseball talent, hitting the officers balls with his "bat." While they thought they were in the clear, the stadium then was surrounded by Ippei's loan sharks who were owed trillions of dollars. Ippei tried calming them down, asking for more money so he could gamble and win the money he owed. He got shot in the pituitary gland.

As a backup plan, Luigi pulled a bomb out of his overalls, Urias was able to chuck it to Josh Allen, and Allen caught an EXPLOSIVE touchdown as he screamed "I WOULD NOT ABORT BABY HITLER!" Ippei cried tears of joy as he got the entire net worth of the loan sharks. He lost it all in 8 seconds. The gang stole a cop car and drove it to the University. Only Josh drove, with his pants down, and they stopped at 63 drive throughs. On the way, Wander proposed an insane would u rather question.

"Would u rather live the rest of ur life married to the number 1 Taylor Swift fan, or experience 1 continuous hour of testicular torsion?"

"The swiftie bro, I can just beat her." Julio said.

"Damn bro, I hate Travis Kelce with a passion but I also can't go 1 hour without touching myself" replied Josh.

"Pick the torsion bro its not that bad, as long as they don't need to neuter you." said Luigi. "Plus I'm tired of these ugly ahh swifties sending me love letters in prison."

"Alright lets take it up a notch, you have to go to weekly concerts with ur swiftie wife, or u have to lose 1 nut after the torsion." said Wander.

"Give me the torsion, that concert money can be used for something better like gambling." said Ippei.

"I agree bro we don't necessarily need both nuts." added Lugi.

"The gun would go off." said Josh.

"Bruh your really gunna lose a whole ass testicle instead of picking the punching bag?!" said Urias fired up.

"I agree with Julio plus the number 1 swiftie fan is probably underage." added Wander

With 2 swifties, 2 torsions, and a suicide, they ended with a tie. Josh had to crash the car.

Titration Labs

The squad arrived at the University ready to feast on boobies. Wander didn't like it here because all the students were 18+. They walked past culturally diverse friend groups laying in the grass, causing Josh to vomit. As they got closer to the cafe, more and more recruiters began to surround them saying 'You should REALLY sign up for this class, and come to this class, and join this group." In order to escape, Luigi dropped a blue shell.

Luigi encounters a slimey ahh version of himself.

The squad entered the cafe and ventured into the backrooms. Green snail semen leaked from the ceiling as they walked around, but they didn't rlly care cuz it tasted good. They eventually separated, with Luigi and Julio going one way, Wander and Josh going another way, and Ippei leaving the university to go to the casino.

Luigi entered a room with "Lose Yourself" playing faintly in the background, but the doors shut right behind him. Julio didn't go in with him, as he caught a glimpse of the Blonde Barista and ran after her to domestic abuse her. Suddenly, the green semen from the roof formed into a clone of Luigi. "I am Iguil, and I am evil." Instead of shooting CEO's, Iguil shoots homeless people. Kinda fire.

Shenanigans

Wander and Josh roamed around the backrooms, with "Houdini" playing faintly in the distance. They encountered an artifact section. They found things such as a cracked rearview mirror, a wonder flower, a busted lawnmower, a hello kitty themed dildo, a Nika Muhl jersey, and a piece of paper that had "Freddie never signed this" written on it. Josh found something epic, a bottle of Ohtani's time energy. Like a dumbass, he opened it and time travelled away. Wander missed the whole incident tho, as he was watching cp his friend Ian sent him. Wander ventured to the very end of the room, where he found a cage that had a mouse in a tennis ball named Samuel.

Julio as 19 inches goes up, but he lowkey enjoying it.

"Well well well, look we got here. I think its time for round 2 Samuel..." Wander said as he licked his lips. Meanwhile, Julio ran after the Blonde Barista, thinking she would be an easy beating. However, he lost track of her and found himself in a dark room. Julio was confused, looking around for the nearest taco shop. Urias then heard something getting loud "Why do I hear eminem all of a sudden?"

VEINOMMM

The screams of Julio cut Wander's session short, and also brought Josh back to the present. They rushed to find Urias, and broke down the doors to a locked room. They found Luigi and Iguil making out. Iguil quickly dissipated, saying "u on ur own twin."

The trio encountered a monstrous creature made of snail slime shoving it up Urias. The creature, named Veinom, screamed at them "WHERE IS HOSMER!" Wander remained unfazed, telling Veinom that he knew his ult wasn't charged yet. What Wander didn't know was that they were in the firing range, and Veinom yelled out "WE. ARE. VEINY AHHHHHH" as multiple dongs sprouted out of him. They all got slimed :heartbreak:.

The Kid named Finger arrived to the university eating chickfila. He brought Ippei with him, who he had to bail out of a Vegas prison. Adam was hella pissed, and told them to get it together or he would delete Instagram off all their phones. Veinom had now left the university and invaded the city looking for Hosmer. The shitters needed to hurry and stop Veinom before he captured the point, or else all of Phoenix will get railed...

Side Note

After accidentally time traveling, Josh found himself in Austria in late 1888. He saw a pregnant women. He did nothing.

The Lightning Thief

The gang stole a MTS bus from the University and drove it on the sidewalk get to the city. However, the streets were filled with protestors yelling "I CANT GOON!" This caused a MASSIVE 60 day traffic delay, and that didn't include Josh getting out of the bus every 3 seconds to join the rally. In order to pass the time, Wander proposed another would u rather question.

"Would u rather have to go pee every 5 minutes for the rest of ur life, or have Thick of It by KSI stuck in ur head for the rest of ur life?"

"How long is each piss?" asked Josh.

"Idk whats the average piss like 20 seconds?" said Wander.

"Ya'll just love to hate, Thick of It isn't even bad." Luigi argued.

"Im picking the song because that pissing would cut into casino time." said Ippei.

"Bro the same song in ur head forever ur gunna end up in a psych ward twin." said Josh

"Bruh ur gunna end up with UCI's in ur penis twin!" said Julio.

"UTI's dipshit, not the University of California Irvine." said Wander.

"Yk what. Thick of It is amazing! I said it!" screamed Luigi.

"Can I wear diapers with the pissing?" asked Josh.

"Why u keep tryna make the pissing work u weirdo." exclaimed Julio.

"Yk what fuck this." Josh said as he stepped out of the bus. "I CAN'T GOON! I CAN'T GOON!"

Ippei Central

Still having moved no inches in the last 24 hours, the gang decided they needed a break. Luckily for them, Ippei was able to use his "gambling sense" to locate the nearest casino. The gang, holding hands, walked to the casino, unaware it was connected to the University of Phoenix.

Within seconds of entering the building, Ippei sprinted off like a kid at a playground. Wander was hungry, specifically craving a mini-corn dog, and went off to shove it up his butt. Josh, Julio and Luigi explored the casino.

Julio became infatuated with that arcade punching machine, trying to break the record. He taped a picture of his wife to the machine to help him gain more power. Josh quickly obsessed over the racing arcade machine, somehow being able to win the races with only one hand on the wheel. Luigi couldn't stop playing the COD simulator, pretending the zombies were all healthcare officials.

Ippei gets swarmed by the media, asking how he lost $10 quadrillion dollars in less than an hour.

Ippei was playing poker at the table alongside the blonde barista, but he didn't know that. He didn't actually know what she looked like because he doesn't do non marital eye contact. She kept trying to flirt with him by asking him things like "Soooo what kind of skills do u and ur friends have that would be a threat to my big snail monster xo." Ippei was getting frustrated trying to focus on his gambling, so he told her quite literally every possible detail of him and his gang so that she would leave. He would go on to break the record for most money lost in one sitting.

One More One More One More

Wander was ready to leave, upset that children weren't allowed in the casino. He went to go grab Julio, but he refused to leave. Although his fist was mere bone, he wouldn't stop punching the machine. He also saw Luigi walking around with the fake gun trying to shoot other people. Josh hadn't gotten up from his seat, and it was starting to crust.

The most shocking part was when Ippei approached Wander, and for the first time ever, he had no more money to gamble. They both agreed that they needed to leave, but suddenly, hundreds of children ran into the casino. Wander folded and now Ippei was on his own. He ran to the nearest phone and called the kid named finger, asking for help. Adam told him "I gotchu" and hung up. In 5 seconds, Rocket Raccoon came and dropped a "Hey Diddy! Enjoy the Amplifier!" before leaving. Ippei dropped his first "really ninja."

Now thinking of a backup plan, Ippei ran outside and shouted out loud "Look! A rich underage white girl!" All 4 shitters immediately followed him, but were bummed out that he lied. In order to compensate, Ippei promised he would win them all $8 trillion gambling (Lie noise). They checked to see how long they were at the casino for. It was 50 years.

Just for Fun

Josh started to plan out a group suicide, but Luigi reminded him they still had a job to do. Julio agreed with Luigi, because he still hasn't got to punch a real woman. They got in the MTS again, and began to drive to the ruins of Phoenix. On the way, Wander gave another would u rather question.

"Alright would u rather never be able to watch a Ryan Gosling movie again, or have to have sex with Lizzo once a week."

"Can I still see Literally Me insta reels?" asked Josh hoping to clarify.

"No, in fact u basically can't see any Ryan Gosling media again."

"So would I rather be fucking miserable or be fucking miserable once a week." said Julio.

"Nah bro ur gunna be miserable for like 3 days after hitting Lizzo." said Luigi.

"Can I like put a bag over head?" asked Josh.

"Nope, u gotta lock eyes during the sex." said Wander.

"Plus u can't put a bag over her fat bro." said Julio.

"I'll take Lizzo cuz she can give me gambling money after." said Ippei.

"I can live without Ryan Gosling bruh theres ton of good actors." said Luigi.

"BUT NONE OF THEM ARE LITERALLY ME!" yelled Julio.

"Ya man, I'll fuck Lizzo however many times it takes for me to watch The Fall Guy." said Josh.

"You guys are crazy ur gunna get ur dick flattened putting it in there." said Luigi.

"I don't care bro I just wanna hear "theres something inside you..." said Julio

"It's hard to explain!" continued Josh.

The squad sang Nightcall by Kavinsky the rest of the ride.

Symbiote Showdown

Wander realizes his bubblecum is expired.

Veiny Vanguard

Veinom continued to rampage the streets of Phoenix, leaving gooey ahh slime trails that were stinking up the streets. While he was looking for Spider Man and/or Penni Parker to activate the team up, his main target was finding Eric Hosmer. The Blonde Barista caught up to Veinom, who needed to refill his dongs with more snails. She slid them up through the tips.

They reached Hosmer's old apartment. It was a 3 bedroom, no bathroom, 8 kitchen building that was password protected. The Blonde Barista guessed "The Padres are Really Bad" and got it correct. After entering, they turned on the lights and every light was blue because Hosmer wanted to pretend he was in the velvet room. He even had 2 child girls locked in a jailcell to complete the experience. The Barista looked around while Veinom drank all of Hosmer's beers, but all she could find was a business card with a square, circle & triangle.

Veinom was getting bored, and asked for permission to go rape the family of 4 next door. However, as he walked out, he got shot point blank in the head by Luigi. He was placed on the 3 second IL. The other shitters ran into the building, ready to save fucking nobody.

The Last Dance

Josh began to attack each of Veinoms dongs one at a time while Luigi kept shooting him in the head. Josh screamed "IS IT IN YOU" as he punched giant dicks, and then he would scream "AGAIN" and "AGAIN" and "AGAIN". Luigi eventually ran out of ammo, and asked the marine from squid games to go fetch him more ammo. He didn't come back.

Ippei charged the Blonde Barista, and held her in place by her sellable jewelry. Julio quickly rushed over, extremely eager to finally punch a woman. However, the barista bribed Ippei with $2 to let her go, and she was able to escape Julios fists. She began to throw stale cafe sandwhiches at the pair, causing them to instantly defecate.

Before Wander joined the fight, he heard the 2 girls in the jailcell screaming for help. Wander was able to break down the door, and was greeted with a "Thank you! You freed us!" Wander responded "Oh I wouldn't say freed, more like under new management..."

Josh began to get tired after fending off 40 penises, and was knocked back. Veinom used the opportunity to create a clone of Patrick Mahomes that began to pound Josh. Luigi knew he only had one option left, and used his golden tanooki suit. This made him invincible, well almost invincible. Luigi charged at Veinom flying at a HIGH VELOCITY, but Veinom swung out of the way and Luigi flew threw the window. He plummetted to his death, leaving Mario without a jerkmate partner.

Julio was being edged so he bad he swung his fists as hard as he could trying to land a blow. However, Veinom saved the Barista by stuffing Julios head up one of his dongs. Urias eventually died from suffocating, but not his lungs, his hands suffocated from lack of contact with a womans face. Ippei tried one last time to make money by attempting to sneak crotch pics of the barista. She caught him and forced him to drink the coffee of excruciating agony. Ippei died without hitting a single parlay.

Allen was finally able to generate enough strength to get Veiny Mahomes off him, screaming "YOUR 50% BLACK BUT I 100% HATE U!" Josh rushed Veinom once more and started hitting him with his own dick. Although small compared to Veinom's, Josh gave it his all. Sadly, Veinom activated the extra health and was OP as fuck. Veinom ripped off Josh pp, leaving him dead as the 2nd victim of the goonicide.

Wander finished with the velvet room girls, and finally turned his attention to Veinom. Wander and Veinom both shout out their long ahh tongues, leading to a somewhat romantic tongue fight. Wander eventually got the tongues stuck in a knot, and then jumped out the window, pulling both of them out of Hosmers apartment. The blonde barista took the alone time to leave a shit on Hosmers bed.

Veinom used his swing to force a safe landing, but upon landing Wander shifted his focus to tangling Veinom in his own dongs. Now immobilized, Wander went to stick in through the back. Veinom burrowed underground, a giant red circle appeared under Wander. "Ah shit." Wander was devoured.

The Devil's work is never done

Veinom celebrated his victory, and stepped on point to secure a victory royale. However, the progress bar didn't move. Veinom turned to see the kid named finger standing there, looking like a fucking chad. He asked Veinom a simple question, "What's the name of the new Daredevil show?"

"BORN AGAIN!"

The shitters were all summoned back, and to Adam's surprise, none of them were wearing pants. Veinom almost rage quit on the spot, but he believed in the clutch and summoned hundreds of slime clones. Adam rallied his team one last time, giving them a powerful quote.

"Everybody, even Veinom, is fighting a battle you don't know about. So attack him. Make him fight 2 battles." This empowered all the shitters, and they charged into battle.

Josh charged into numerous slime soldiers, putting it in them. None of them were white, so none of them were right. In the distance, Allen's wife Hawkeye was sniping soldiers along the way using a WOO I NEVER MISS! Josh thanked her, promising he would only goon at 40 restaurants this week.

Julio went after the curvey and thick soldiers, as he was able to convince himself they were females. As he finally got his fists working, he unlocked his own iron fist aura. His hands glowed as he beat the shit out of the slimehuzz.

Luigi and Ippei formed a formiddable duo, as Ippei would hack into every slime soldiers bank accounts. He then told Luigi which ones were rich, leading to perfect headshots. As for the poor soldiers, Ippei stabbed them himself because he has a lot of hate in his heart.

The Battle of Phoenix, 2025.

Wander one tapped all the slime soldiers that were under 5 ft tall. He quickly rushed to Veinom, who formed a slime version of Penni Parker to activate his team up. Penni placed down tons of snail mines and rushed Wander using ITS SPIDER TIME. At the end of the day tough, Penni is underage. She stood no chance.

The gang each took on one of Veinoms dongs, trying their best not to suck it off. Adam used a soul bond to connect each of their anuses. Veinom was fueled with rage, not only because he couldn't rape, but also because he got retconned from the MCU. Wander Julio Josh Luigi and Ippei held down Veinom, as Adam prepared his final strike. In an attempt to squad wipe, Veinom began to summon every snail in his body and shot them around himself.

Adam was able to catch every snail, and used them to power up his pinky finger. With one touch, the kid named finger exploded Veinom, leading to a huge slime wave covering Phoenix. Soon enough, the gang heard "ANOTHER EPPPPIC VICTORY!" They celebrated, believing they destroyed every death snail alongside Veinom. Everybody was happy until they saw Adam won MVP.

"Ahh hell nah man how did the strategist win MVP" said Julio.

"Cuz I saved ur asses u literally all died." replied Adam.

"Lets see that damage bruh u had like 1 kill." said Josh.

"Ye It should've been me. I def broke a raping record." said Wander.

"All u guys did was farm kills off the slime soldiers, I had the only meaningful contribution!" yelled Adam.

"Idk bro I think we should gamble to decide MVP." said Ippei.

"Nah bruh u literally were only here like 1/4 of the match you don't deserve MVP." said Luigi.

"Bro didn't even crack 5000 healing and he thinks he's MVP." said Wander.

"Can u just be happy I got us the win?" said Adam.

"No fuck u." said Josh.

"I bet were gunna be in bot lobbies now, thx a lot Adam." said Julio.

"These bitch ass healers always gotta ruin the game for us." said Wander

"You fucking dickheads! Im putting u all back in prison!" screamed Adam.

Run it Back

The kid named Finger rage quit on the spot, and teleported all of the shitters back into the phantom zone. Wander was ecstatic to be back with his lovers (victims) but Julio Josh and Luigi were all ready to initiate the pact. However, before they got the nooses ready, Ippei said he had something to show them. He found something in Hosmer's apartment that could lead them to lots of money, preferably for gambling. A card with a circle, triangle, and square.

They all gathered around the business card, and called the number on the back. Josh planned to lead a prank call where he would pull an Anthony. However, the voice that responded was extremely serious, asking if they wished to play in the Deep Games. They said yes, and the caller hung up. Pink soldiers immediately infiltrated the Phantom Zone and began to take the shitters away. Wander was extremely pissed off as the soldiers wouldn't let him finish fucking his kids.

Where they are taken, we will soon find out...

Post Credit Scene

Back at the University, the Blonde Barista mourned the loss of her BVC fuck buddy. At the very least, she still had one snail to keep her company. She then got a phone call from the police officer from Squid Game. He called her asking if she would let him hit, but she said no. He then said he would sadly continue sailing looking for an island of missing baseball players.

After hearing of this island, she changed her mind and asked if she could join the crusade. The police officer wasn't sure anymore, until she promised him backshots from a snail slime molded dildo. She quickly packed her bags to go find the island, making sure she brought her snail with her.