User:Alph Main/sandbox

Trevor Andrew Bauer is allegedly an MLB baseball pitcher. He has allegedly played for the Arizona Dickbags, Cleveland Neels, Cincinatti Menstruals, LA Dogshitters, Tokyo Personas, Tijuana Picante Negros, the Czech Republic WhoTF's, and the North Korean Nukes.

Despite cementing himself as a top racist in baseball for many years, Bauer's career came to a moaning halt when he was allegedly accused of raping multiple women. Although he pleaded autism, Bauer was banned from the MLB and has since been touring the world trying to touch balls.

Early Life

Beginnings

Trevor was allegedly born in 1991 in Hollywood, LA. From a young age, Bauer new he was destined to be a star. And like every star, he was also destined to go to Diddy parties. Although he wanted to be a threat on the streets, Bauer was forced into being a ballbaser. He would spend day and night blowing his arm out at a tennis field, trying to hit the moon with a pitch. His parents paid for private baseball tutors, although they quit their jobs because Bauer allegedly whipped it out every class. For liking such a cringe ahh sport, Bauer was bullied in middle school by his classmates. One day the bullying stopped, due to Bauer allegedly sticking in every bully's sister.

After enrolling in William Afton high school, Bauer got to see the FNAF 2 movie-set up close. In between taking classes from the Purple Guy, Bauer would dominate freshman on and off the field. His junior year saw him go a perfect 12-0 against his victims, solidifying him as one of the greatest baseball shitters in the making. He set a Afton record 92mph hook to the face, which he did against the girl who rejected him from homecoming. His final game for Afton high school was a shutout against Wolf Canyon, where Bauer chucked 56 pitches at the players heads. This caused Bauer's teammate Mike Montshittery to yell at him, saying he shouldn't have left any evidence. Bauer raged at him, calling him numerous slurs and throwing hands. Bauer allegedly bit Mike's testicle off and graduated high school early, saying it was for "self improvement."

You bruined my life

Bauer spots his professor in the crowd (he's going for the snipe).

Bauer filled out his college applications stating that he was an African homosexual with down syndrome and dead parents. This earned him a full ride scholarship at UCLA, where wasted college girls could be found anywhere. He signed up as a mechanical engineering major, stating that he wanted another reason to end it all. A famous rivalry between Bauer and Cole from Ninjago formed at UCLA, after Cole REALLY told him "you have no future in baseball." Bauer allegedly spent the next few weeks replicating Cole's jerking pattern, and was able to frame him for nutting on the librarian's back.

At the end of freshman year, Bauer led UCLA with 9 wins in court, while also winning the PAC MAN award for most pussies allegedly eaten. The following season both Cole and Bauer learned spinjitzu, leading to a UCLA record 10 straight evacuations. Although he was 2-0 on the baseball mound, Trevor went 0-7 on his engineering tests, making him the Atlanta Braves. Bauer didn't care though, because he allegedly had "Wander" pics of his professor. The UCLA Bruins continued their run of sexual dominance and had a 22-0 record. Cole had unlocked his true potential as the master of earth, while Bauer unlocked his true potential as the master of jackshittery.

Although Trevor defecated in game 23, leading to UCLA's first STD of the season, the bruins popped off and made it to the college world series. They clinched their butts after beating the Faith club 0.6 to 0. Sadly, Cole and Bauer both missed the world series after Bauer allegedly bashed Cole's legs with a mace. Trevor couldn't attend the world series afterwards because he wanted to goon to futa. UCLA was forced to throw Gokul on the mound, and lets just say, no one heard about the talking yam after...

Alleged League Baseball

Sliming the Huzz

Although Bauer finished his time in UCLA with a Most Valuable Dickhead award, most MLB scouts projected Cole to go first overall. This was because Cole didn't have a chronic jerking addiction. While ticked off that Cole went first overall to the Pittsburgh Parrots, what really pissed off Bauer was that the Seattle Mermaids took Danny Phantom 2nd overall. Bauer raged on the spot, allegedly rupturing Danny's testicle and raping the nearest animal. Eventually, the Arizona Dickbags selected him 3rd overall and sent him straight to the university for experimentation.

Trevor played a full season at the University of Phoenix, and set a Phoenix record by sending 100k emails to Chrid's sweetwater account. Bauer was selected to the all future diddy game, but he opted out to go rizz up the blonde barista instead. He failed to rizz her, leading to him allegedly eating her pet snails. What he didn't know was that the snails taste like wasabi, and he looked like Paul Rivers.

After star pitcher Joe Gatto was cut from the team for NOT touching minors, Arizona called up Bauer to rape the Atlanta Braves. While the dickbags got the win, Bauer had his own dick bagged with a groin stain and needed an immediate penis reduction surgery. He luckily returned 2 weeks later, and shit on the Doggers, making him better than every San Diego Padre. After more strained dicks Bauer allegedly got from raping people, he was sent back down to the minors and never returned.

After the season, Bauer was traded to the Cleveland Neels due to him clashing with his teammates. Arizona Dickbag Miguel Montero claimed that Bauer never watched his reels, and even told Montero that he should stop being unemployed. Bauer proceeded to REALLY make a diss track titled "You don't know me," that allegedly dropped Montero's SSN to the public.

Gross

Bauer tries not to pass out from the horrid stench.

Bauer arrived to India in a hazmat suit, but it decomposed within seconds. He spent the offseason retooling his cp filled laptop, hoping to better understand how the hordes of shit in India can help him play pissball. His first start of 2013 came against the Tampa Ray Rays, where he allegedly walked 7 times to the nearest childrens park. He saw Wander there all 7 times. Bauer only made 3 more starts that year, meaning he only took 4 showers all of 2013. Trevor blamed his poor performance that year on a groin injury he suffered back in Arizona, where he allegedly shoved it up the team mascot.

At the start of 2014, Trevor had his bathroom disassembled by the team. The Neels hoped that this would help control Bauer's bladder, but all it did was lead to Trevor shitting on his friends couches. Bauer allegedly pitched his first game against the San Diego Daddies, and although he freaked out 8 women, Bauer returned home with no reddit accounts shared with him. He finished the season much better than his pediatrician could have guessed, and Bauer was awarded with a 5th shower on the year.

Trevor was named to Cleveland starting phone scammer squad, with Bauer specifically infiltrating the suicide prevention hotline. How does one scam people on that hotline? Trevor wasn't sure so he would just scream at people to do it. After attending 4 diddy parties in April, Bauer was allegedly banned in May after blowing his load on 9 different girl's feet. He was the 2nd person to ever get banned for doing this, after Paul. In June, Bauer decided to focus on hitting with the bat. He got his first career concussion on June 16, bashing Jake Gyllenhaal repeatedly.

Third-World Series

After he was unable to leech credit card information off depressed people, Bauer was moved off the scammer squad and sent to the pigpen. They should have known not to leave Trevor alone with the pigs. The Neels replaced Bauer with Drake and Josh, who Drake'd and Josh'd all over the phone (Idk I never watched it). Bauer was stuck rotting in pig shit heading into 2016, until he allegedly waterboarded teammate Carlos Cookie. Bauer began going on 2 mans with catcher Chrid Jizz, as they had insane chemistry. Anytime Bauer dropped a made up story to the baddies, Chrid would hit them with the "Its true I was there." He would also hit them with his fists.

Bauer tries to pop a hemorrhoid

Bauer put up his best season in 2016, finally being awarded 1 shower a month. The Neels reached the postseason after finally overpopulating again. Cleveland scheduled Trevor to pitch game 2 of the shitter series against the Toronto Blue Gays, but Bauer REALLY cut his finger trying to fix a homemade drone and couldn't pitch. Cleveland manager Ghandi was furious with Bauer, asking him what the hell he was using a surveillance drone for. Trevor said he needed a lawyer before he answered that.

Bauer tried to pitch the following game, but after rubbing one out just 2 times, his finger started bleeding and he IMMEDIATLY told Neel. Luckily, Cleveland still won this game after Dan Schneider touched Drake (the rapper).

Cleveland advanced to the world series to face the Chicago dick hangers in a revolutionary dick off. In both games he pitched, Bauer got clapped because he allegedly got stage fright having his 1 incher shown to the public. Chicago dick hanger legend Javy Baez groped Bauer, asking him where to find some bitches. Bauer gave him an entire list of women, telling Javy not to say he knows him or else the cops WILL be called. Chicago eventually won the dick off, leading to the Neels shitting on the streets.

BauBalls

Bauer agreed to a 1 year $3M contract with Cleveland, which gave him enough money to allegedly pay off his lawsuit fees. The first 2 months of 2017 were dogshit, as Trevor struggled eating the spicy curry and sharded regularly on the field. Bauer called it a miserable start to the year, and was depressed every time he pitched because it gave her enough chance to remember what he did that night. He reached rock bottom on June 16 when after getting railed 4 times, Bauer allegedly screamed at his demons in the middle of Legoland. He was arrested for 3 weeks, and his asshole wasn't the same after.

Bauer screams at the voices in his head, telling him to stick in the lifesize lego Padme statue.

Bauer returned and was radical. For the rest of the season, Trevor was a top graper in the league. What fixed his pitching the most was that instead of making out with 3 men, he would limit it to 1. Ghandi chose to have Bauer pitch the 1st game of the dicker series instead of award winner Cory Kenshin. This was because Ghandi likes white people more. Bauer didn't take no for an answer against the New Mexico Yankees, leading to a historic performance that allegedly got him placed on the CIA's watch list. Sadly, the Yankees came prepared with deodorant and cleaned the Indians.

In 2018, Trevor returned to UCLA to see if he still had it with the freshman. Bauer developed a new diddy pitch while at college again, and this led to him CREAMING over opponents in the MLB season. Bauer received his 1st all sex selection and allegedly had loads of sex. Former classmate Cole from Ninjago was also an all sex, but he was also a ghost because he didn't leave the haunted temple in time. Bauer laughed at him the whole day, but Cole got revenge by possessing Bauer and forcing him to stick it in a pencil sharpener.

Bauer continued being a felon until early august when Jose from the car wash ran over Trevors leg. Bauer allegedly kept screaming "Pinche Negro!" at him, as it was the only 2 spanish words he knew. Bauer returned weeks later to pitch one last time against the Red Sex, but lowkey sucked dick because he couldn't stop them from flying. In the postseason versus the Houston Hoes, Bauer allegedly committed 2 errors in one game by getting all of his sig figs wrong. Houston raped Cleveland and left them nasty. This is when Trevor revealed to his team that he actually had a stunt double pitch for him since his injury. He did this because he's literally the fall guy. Ghandi wasn't having it tho so he lowkey pushed Trevor off Cleveland Stadium. He was placed on the 30 minute IL (Its not Petco Park).

May I have a cup of water

Bauer began 2019 as a legend. He REALLY spammed a girl on twitter for 12 straight hours, after she called him "her least favorite person in sports." Bauer ordered all his fans to spam her as well, looking like fucking Thanos unleashing his minions. This is why you don't spread hate like this women tried to.

Bauer also began his MLB season as a certified FREAK. He allegedly SA'd 17 women in 14 nights, only getting slapped in the face 2 times. However, one night a women stuffed a bear trap up her hole, and Bauer let out a Tom earrape scream. He had to change his pitching stance to compensate for the injury, but all it did was give him constant cricks in his back. At this point, people believed that Bauer was literally just Paul Rivers. After finally recovering from his injuries, Bauer caught the common cold. As a man, he needed to be rushed to the ER immediately.

Trevor's frustrations finally erupted on July 28th, when he REALLY threw a ball out of the stadium in the middle of a game. This was the tipping point for Ghandi, and despite all the peace he believes in, lowkey had to KO Bauer in the middle of Kansas Shitty stadium. 3 days later, Bauer was allegedly traded away from India. It was sentimental for him, as he realized he would no longer be able to smell garbage wherever he goes. He packed up his things, got on the nearest plane, and put on his burger king crown.

Borderline Diagnosis

Bauer drinks a beer (there is no beer, he is just schizo).

In a black market trade, the Cincinnati Menstruals allegedly acquired Trevour Bauer from Cleveland in exchange for Yasiel the pug and retired wide reciever Randy Moss. However, this was a three team deal as the San Diego Poopdres traded 3 orphans to the Indians and recieved Twilight actor Taylor Lautner from the Menstruals. What a weird ass fucking trade.

aRedgedly

Bauer's second half of 2019 was as inconsistent as the timeline of these articles. In his 1st start for Cincinnati, Bauer allegedly SA'd a girl during that time of the month. He was unsure whether he needed to go to the hospital, as he definitely got blood up his tip. In 5 of his first 10 starts, Bauer allowed 5 or more victims to run to safety. He personally stated that it felt like every time he went 1 inch deeper, he pulled out 2 inches back.

At the start of the 2020 season, Bauer was given $17M by Cincinnati to buy slaves. Allegedly, half of this money Bauer had to use as hush money to keep Olivia Rodrigo quiet. With the COVID 20 pandemic in full affect, Bauer called out MLB for being little bitches and not letting anybody touch balls. Trevor claimed that this would do "Irreparable Damage" to the sport, similar to how he had done irreparable damage to his COC base (he never upgraded town hall).

In the 60 game season, Bauer went on the run of his life. In just 11 nights, Bauer allegedly set a menstrual record 100 rapes with 73 of them being published on pornhub. Trevor was required to start getting a psych evaluation every 4th day from then on. With his absolute dominance off the field, Bauer won fucker of the year and helped the menstruals reach the playoffs. In his one game against the Atlanta Boobs, Bauer edged for 7 hours and 40 minutes straight, as he just discovered Emma Frost's rivals design. Sadly, the Menstrual hitters all shit themselves and were executed one at a time. Bauer left Cincinnati after this season, as the cops there began to recognize him.

Loser and Loser club

Bauer eavesdrops on the fans, trying to find out where the femboy strip club is.

While the New York Mest approached Trevor with an offer to become the 2nd Jack the Ripper, Bauer knew that Joe Goldberg fled New York and went to LA. Therefore, Bauer cut his toes off and went to join the Dodgers. Bauer signed a 3 year $102M contract, giving him $34M a year to bet on sperm races. Although the Doggers were aware of Bauer's social media incident, they didn't care because he brought them marble cake every day. What the doghers didnt know was that Bauer had a 2nd social media incident, where he allegedly leaked a womans phone number on the dark web. It was deserved though because she didn't answer him when he asked "can you make it clap?"

Before the season even began, Bauer cooperated with MLB in order to bring light to the sticky balls scandal regarding pitchers. You laugh, but it really is about sticky balls. On camera, Trevor allegedly firmly gripped Cole from Ninjago's testicles, claiming he couldn't let go. Bauer had simply superglued his own hands. With ABSOLUTLY NOTHING else they could do, MLB neutered Cole. This is why pitchers now must wash their balls before every pitch.

In early April, Bauer allegedly got into a famous rivalry with Fernando Titties Jr. After hitting a home run, it looked like Titties was mocking Bauer after covering one eye as he ran the bases. This was in reference to a famous bar tactic Trevor would do, where he would stab himself in the eye with a fork for no fucking reason at all. This wasn't actually what Titties was doing though, he was trying to tell the Padres he couldn't see out of his eyes (Extreme iron poisonings in his blood). 2 innings later, Titties jr hit a 2nd homerun against Bauer, and proceeded to shake his scrumptious ass at home plate, again looking to imitate Bauer.

Bauer REALLY complained on twitter after this, and Titties replied saying "Calm down lil bro" Thankfully, the 2 had gay sex shortly afterwards to make amends. Through the alleged end of June, Bauer led MLB with 107 fire alarms pulled. Trevor truly believed in his heart that he had earned his place on Mount Rushmore, contributing more to the world than Abraham Lincoln. However, everything changed for him on July 2nd.

James S Murray

Bauer was placed on administrative leave by the MLB for REALLY ALLEGEDLY assaulting a woman from San Diego. The woman claimed that fan accounts were stupid and harmful, which is just untrue. The Doggers still took down all of their Trevor Bauer merchandise, including the Bauer body pillow that both me and you (yes YOU the reader) bought.

The Doggers released a public statement shortly afterwards, stating "We are an honorable and respectable franchise, and we do not condone any of this behavior from any of our players. Isn't that right Julio?" Urias agreed, responding with "I fucking hate my wife."

Daredevil Born Again

Bauer was held in Askaban for numerous days, struggling to jack off without the dementors watching him. Eventually, a lawyer came to see him. His lawyer was Jimmy Brogili Neutron. Brogili promised he would free Trevor from all criminal charges, but first he wanted to show him his pictures of dead animals.

The people vs the sigma

Trevor and Brogili arrived to the LA courthouse at 4am, ready to convince the jury they're homosexuals. Trevor got scared when he saw the defendant's lawyer, it was Matthew Murdock. He was relieved when Brogili told him he's blind, because as you know all blind people are vegetables. Trevor is ableist, meaning he fucking hates Mutzuo.

The judge, Aaron Judge, called for the trial to begin. He began by asking "do u swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth?" in which Bauer responded "Fuck no!" With Bauer refusing to tell the truth, Judge had to cancel the trial. Trevor was a free man again for 5 minutes before allegedly pushing an old lady in front of a train, claiming he needed the dopamine rush. This time Judge said "tell the truth or you like kids." Bauer agreed, claiming he isn't Ian.

Matt Murdock brought the defendant up to the stands first, and had her recite her side of the story. She first stated that Bauer approached her at a bar and asked her 8 times "does it jiggle?" As she watched him simp, she realized she could exploit him for profit so she used him to buy her 700 drinks. After getting drunk together, Trevor started to tell her about a fan account he made for his friend. The woman started to imagine her boyfriend having a fan account, thinking about all the positive content and loving support he would receive, and realized it was the worst thing imaginable. She then told Bauer, "If you made a fan account of my boyfriend I would block u all!" This made Trevor very sad, so he allegedly graped her and told her shes extremely very cringe.

Bauer claimed out loud that literally didn't happen, but Brogili told him he will take it from here. He first told the woman that Bauer couldn't have possibly been at the bar with her, becuz that night he was playing in the middle of a 62 inning game that lasted until 6am. Judge told Brogili they have video evidence of Bauer graping the woman, and began to play the video on the monitor. Judge had to stop it early tho becuz he, Brogili, Bauer, and Matt Murdock were all getting hard from it.

Brogili then said "Your honor. Do you know what a skrull is?" Judge said no, because he didn't watch any marvel movies after endgame. Brogili said that was fair. Brogili tried again to help, saying that Bauer couldn't have possibly bought her drinks because his credit card had been maxed out the night before. Judge was skeptical, but Brogili said he had records. Bauer screamed "WAIT NO!"

Brogili pulled up on the monitor Bauer's bank records. Just above where it said 700 drinks and roofies, it said "extra large poster of Red Hair girl from Persona 5." Brogili then said "Your honor. My client is clearly a man of culture and would not pound this chopped shit over here." Judge wasn't having it, telling Brogili to sit the fuck down. Brogili brought out his final statement, "Your honor. This is a safe space. You would also grape her in that situation be honest."

In their 1st break, Brogili was cautiously optimistic they were doing good. Trevor was already trying to orchestrate an escape plan from prison, planning to shove A LOT of things up his ass. Bauer asked Brogili if they any witnesses on their side, in which he replied "Nope!" before showing Trevor pictures of piles of dirt.

Common Enemy

The next testimony came from Bauer's arch nemesis, Cole from Ninjago. Matt Murdock wanted Cole to give a brief description of his interactions with Bauer and his overall character. Before he could even speak, Bauer shouted "This guy fucks goblins! MALE goblins!" Cole responded with a "BRO wtf!" Judge didn't say anything, because this is a non homophobic free courtroom. Cole went into a full rage, "You wanna hear something gay? Trevor forced his MALE roommate to dress as Peppa Pig and then railed his ass!" Bauer responded "and?"

Brogili quickly stepped in, "Your honor. The witness is extremely gay and his testimony should be revoked." Judge agreed, and Cole was kicked out of the court. Whatever confidence Bauer gained he instantly lost as Olivia Rodrigo stepped up to the stand. Matt Murdock had her explain the Diddy party incident, where Bauer poured a waterfall of jizz onto her feet. Judge was revolted by this, calling it disgusting. Brogili said "Your honor. Stfu you weren't even there. I'm sure it looked magnificent." Olivia continued detailing how Bauer kept taking snaps of her feet, sending them to Paul Rivers, and would follow her around saying "Don't choke me! Noooo.... Don't choke me pls!"

Bauer finally had enough and screamed "DUDE! CAN A NINJA LIVE! CAN A NINJA LIVE PLS!" Judge responded to Bauer saying "Bro, can we just hurry up I'm trying to go home and play garden warfare." He then issued the final break, where Brogili and Bauer could finally fart without the huzz watching.

Brogili told Bauer that their only move left was for Trevor to go to the stands himself and prove his innocence. Bauer asked if he needed to cancel his wingstop account before he went up there, in which Brogili responded "Ninja are u srs."

The words of a Lion

Bauer stepped up to the stand, getting ptsd from his 4th grade speech contest. His speech was about why the Holocaust wasn't necessarily a bad idea. Brogili first talked to Bauer, asking him a simple question to just say his name. Bauer replied "Hitler had some good intentions." Brogili asked him his profession, Bauer replied "Putting a group of society in one spot all together has its benefits." Brogili finally asked about his personal life. Bauer said "If you knew the state Germany was in before WW2, you would see things differently." Judge was ready to blow his brains out.

After getting back on topic, Bauer began to describe the night he allegedly raped a woman. He started saying that he went down to San Diego to go poison Fernando Tatis Jr, but he also went to go drop some poison off at Eastlake High for an AP lit teacher. He then said he went to the bar to go order his usual chocolate milk and mustard tequila. He then said he encountered a solid 4/10 with some upside in her chest area. After "rizzing her up" Bauer was able to buy her drinks and then started going on a tangent about his life. When he reached the april fools day lore, he claimed the girl wasn't feeling it anymore. Bauer then claimed he said, quote,

"I'm very sorry madam, I didn't mean to offend you with any words I said or actions I committed. While I personally see the enjoyment of fan accounts, I can understand if you do not and I respect it. I will let you be now, but I wanted to say thank you for such a lovely evening. Have a great night madam!"

Brogili then followed up with "Your honor. My client is clearly telling the truth. His pants are not on fire." While Brogili finished with Bauer, Matthew Murdock prepared for his turn with him. Unknowingly to Trevor, Matt was about to pull off the greatest ragebait of all time.

"Good morning Trevor, can I call you Trevor or do you prefer Octavio?"

"Who TF is Octavio? Why the hell would I prefer Octavio thats not my fucking name"

"So, Trevor it is then?"

"Yes tf. Who the fuck is named Octavio."

"Trevor, I'm aware that before you were arrested, you were the 4th best pitcher on the LA Dodgers correct?"

"Fourth?! I was literally the best pitcher in the league? TF you mean 4th?"

"Well Clayton Kershaw is a future hall of fame pitcher. and both Ferris Buehler & Julio Urias have been statistically better than you."

"What fucking statistics? Number of times I beat my wife?!"

"Well I see Mr. Buehler has hit 1 home run in his career, while you have hit 0."

"IM A FUCKING PITCHER GANG! Were not supposed to hit the fucking ball."

"Well then it just speaks to Mr. Buehlers character that he would go above and beyond to hit one. It would be fair to say he is better."

"This is ridiculous, I'll go hit a home run right now watch me."

"Sir I cannot watch you I am blind. Please be mindful."

"Ya I know your blind dumbass. Bro has no eyes. Get fucked buddy!"

"Your very right Trevor. What's crazy is the fact I have no eyes, yet can still see you get no bitches."

"I WILL RAPE EVERY WOMAN IN YOUR LIFE YOU HEAR ME THEY ARE ALL GETTING RAPED!"

"Case closed Mr Judge."

The Verdict

Very surprisingly, Bauer went 0-13 with the Jury. He was sentenced to hanging by the testicles.

Mr Worldwide

For the 2022 season, the Doggers won many baseball games while Bauer spent many nights washing cum off his pet turtle. In order to make a living, Trevor posted internet reels about a racist af lego ninja. While he made a whopping $5 a year, Bauer also binge watched the Handmaids Tale. He audibly cheered whenever one of the maids got sex'd. His daily meel consisted of the usual from subway, but he specifically asked for exactly 47 olives. Every time 47 olives weren't put on the sandwhich, he would send yet another death threat to Mark Cozihar. Bauer officially reached unemployment tier 100.

You never see ME cumming

After ordering door dash and then calling customer service claiming his order didn't arrive, Bauer was given an offer from Samurai Jack to become the gym teacher from Persona 5. Bauer signed a 1 yr heroin laced contract with the Tokyo animenerds, claiming he couldn't be Ian Hoag since the age of consent is 3. Bauer informed Tokyo that he didn't plan to stay long, as he believed the Doggers would still come back for him. Sadly, the doggers had loads of gay sex without Trevor.

Bauer gets a period cramp, leading to the questioning of his gender.

In his 1st baseball game since no longer allegedly raping a girl, Bauer led his team to a 40-1 win over the Hiroshima Little Boys. During his time in Japan, Bauer befriended the star hitter of his team Tony Ohtani. Unlike his brother Shohei who can hit and pitch, Tony can hit and be a little bitch. He also jerks it inside planes. Ohtani lite began to train Bauer on how to unlock his persona, but all Trevor wanted to do was the baseball minigame in the hubworld.

Bauer was nominated to the Japan all sex game, where he had loads of sushi. He was also named the June MVP for making a girl jump off her school. At the all sex game, Tony Ohtani tried a new strat for Bauer to unlock his persona. He gave him a gun and told him to shoot himself in the head. Trevor was very skeptical, but he ultimately shot the nearest dark skin person. The crowd cheered. Bauer eventually learned how to use chopsticks, and finished the regular season with a 10:4 ratio. He also had 130 incestual encounters, and average yelp rating of 2.76. Tony Ohtani won the MVP award for his outstanding performance in fuck nothing. In his speech he noted that although he couldn't time travel like his brother, he could at least pull off an 80% accurate Gambit voice impression. That's a win in my book.

In the postseason, Bauer and the personas faced off against the Nagasaki Fat Men. Trevor NUKED them with his legendary performance, and set a Japan record with 1 slur said. Tony Ohtani hit 74 home runs with the help of his persona, Masahiro Sakurai. The Tokyo personas advanced to the finals to face off against the Lucky Landing Losers. While they started off hot with a falsified tax claim from Ohtani, the Losers unleashed Pew Pew Rifles and started shredding the personas.

In a tight spot, Bauer decided maybe it was time to try shooting himself instead of African Americans. Ohtani watched as Trevor blew his brains out, but instead of dying, Bauer began to ascend as his persona formed behind him. It was the ghost of the goon. The lucky landing losers got jizzed on as Tokyo claimed a championship, and everybody celebrated until Bauer said he was gunna go home and jerk it to Lucina X Chrom porn. Ohtani was heartbroken by Trevors betrayal to fire emblem, but he did what he had to do and respectfully told him to leave, and that he could never return unless he asked very nicely.

Thovo Mariscos

After watching his good friend Julio Urias get kicked off the Dodgers for doing nothing wrong, Bauer decided to honor him by pitching in Mexico for 2024. He signed only a 6 day contract with the Tijuana Picante Negros, unsure whether he could handle the spicy salsa. It turns out he couldn't as moments after crossing the border, Bauer was shanked by the cartel.

Bauer receives some UNBELIEVABLE teeth.

In early March, Trevor and his mexican ninjas REALLY played an exhibition game against the New Mexico Yankeers. Bauer came prepared to beat the shit out of Cole from Ninjago, but the yankees said he was on the 700 day IL after contracting the goblin version of aids. Bauer began to laugh and called Cole a gay ahh bitch before aggressively touching every Yankeer. Mexico won the game and was given back Texas for their victory.

After making a shitty ass avocado tostada in his first official start, Bauer made a glamorous tamale in his second for Mexico. He went 9-9 against the Cancun Shitters, cracking 9 drug lords daughters. By midseason, Bauer had now also set the slur record in Mexico. While in Japan it was 1, in Mexico it was 1 trillion. Trevor regularly screamed "FUCK YOU" at opposing teams, releasing the anger he would build up from Roblox Corridor. He was a career 0-54 with the guy in the wall. Sometimes he would partner with fellow Mexican Jarren Duran, and they would scream both F words at their enemies.

In June, Bauer agreed to a penis enlargement surgery that would keep him in Mexico for 5 more months. At the end of the month Bauer set the all time Mexico record with 19 blowjobs received in one game. Sadly, in July Bauer began to shit his pants uncontrollably. He realized he wasn't able to eat raw dogshit anymore, and wondered what was wrong with him. The doctors told him that they used his intestanes to grow his dihh. Bauer asked the doctor to put his intestanes back really quick, and to use his spine instead. He became paralyzed.

Goodbye You...

The Mexicans weren't happy with Bauer. Due to his paralysis, he wasn't able to drive the taco truck around, so they sent him back to the University of Phoenix to get fixed. The Blonde Barista decided to help Bauer, even though she was very depressed her Veiny ahh Veinom was killed by Wander and friends. Bauer asked her one time, "Is it grippy?" before he was tossed into a box of period blood.

Trevor awoke 2 months later, lowkey craving Wetzels Pretzels. He got out of the cage and realized he could walk again, meaning he could run after women again. Before leaving the university, Bauer graped the Principal and gave every student an A+. Like you, Trevor does not fuck with school. He did clap the freshman on his way out though.

Bauer arrived back in Mexico ready to save the Picante Negros from death. Their opponent was just the Cartel. Instead of playing baseball in the playoffs, the Mexican league gets into straight shootouts. Bauer's friend Juan said they were in a bad spot, as the enemies had cooler sombreros then them. Also, Juan isn't his real name, Bauer just calls everybody on his team Juan. Trevor decided that he needed to sacrifice himself. All 25 Juan's on his team still had a border to illegally cross, and Bauer wouldn't let them loose that chance.

In a valiant effort, Bauer did a naruto-run straight into the battlefield. The 25 Juan's were able to surround and slaughter the cartels, securing themselves the Championship Chimichanga. Sadly, they didn't stop the cartel before they Joe Goldberg'd Bauer (He got his veiny ahh dihh blown to smithereens). The Picante Negros held a team funeral for Bauer's penis, forever honoring the good (Yes the GOOD) it did to this world. Bauer informed Juan that he was leaving Mexico, partially to become the next Budha, but also partially to put up his dogs for adoption (He had no use for them anymore).

The Last Man Standing

In late 2024, Bauer signed a 1 day contract with the Czech Republic beer pong team. Why the Czech republic? I think he spun a wheel or something idfk. Just cause I write these doesn't mean I know everything. What I do know is that in his first game, he got a crick in the hole where his dick used to be and he had to retire on the spot.

In 2025, Bauer returned to Japan because the ABG's were heavenly. He spent his days playing smash bros with Tony Ohtani, trying to forget about the fact he couldn't goon anymore. After a 5 hour long debate about whether her name is Kasumi or Sumire, they heard knocking on the door. Bauer went to go answer the door, assuming it was the pizza delivery, and started telling them he didn't have money for a tip (that was a lie).

Trevor opened the door to see pink soldiers in shape masks staring at him. They said that the Deep personally sent them to recruit Bauer, as he was a big fan of his antics. As Bauer tried to explain that he didn't wanna go, Tony Ohtani shouted "Bro why is your voice getting deeper." Trevor got hella pissed because now the guards thought he was flirting with them.

The guards knew how much Bauer hated the MLB for UNJUSTLY banning him from the league. They pulled out a 3rd mask with a dick on it, saying it was Trevor's. They even said Tony could come as emotional support. With no more snacks in the cabinet, Bauer was a day away from just ending it anyway, so he joined the guards. Bauer turned to Ohtani and asked "are you ready?" Ohtani replied "I ain't know my FATHER, but I sure I shot out of his PENIS ready."

The guards called the Deep, telling them it was time for the games to begin.