User:Alph Main/sandbox
The MLB season has been cancelled, as every player has mysteriously vanished. However, they will be playing their own gamez with their own balls. Every player got into a van, and then got gassed asleep using fresh scents from India. Some of them were also graped if they were handsome enough. The players were all sent to Diddy's Grotto, put in matching pajamas, and were tucked into bed so nicely the bed bugs couldn't even comprehend the thought of biting them. Some players were then graped a second time.
God your so Deep[edit | edit source]
VIP (Very Irregular People)[edit | edit source]
In the Deep's aquarium, the VIP's chilled with the ran through octopi. Trevor Bauer and Tony Ohtani were playing blackjack, but instead of the number being 21 the number was 8000. Bauer started telling Tony how the girl that accused him of rape REALLY got arrested herself and that he should be allowed back into Hooters. Ohtani kept hitting him with the "damn thats crazy" as he was too busy romantically thinking of airplanes.
The Blonde Barista walked in as another VIP, and Bauer knew he had to rizz her again. He asked her "can you make it bounce?", but before she could answer Tony Ohtani yelled "Bro do you still need a ride home after this?" Bauer crashed out as the Blonde Barista got the ick. He then yelled at Tony "I'm fucking this dolphin and its YOUR fault!" The next VIP was Diddy Kong, who had nothing better to do since he wasn't invited to Mario Kart. He volunteered his grotto for use, but also volunteered broken condoms for the contestants to use.
Everybody was excited Megan Turner showed up, because she's the sister of Trea Turner. She was there to because she didn't want to teach lang that day. The final VIP for the games is Black Noir, who gave the Deep the n word pass. Black Noir likes the Boston Red Sex, they fly like him.
The six VIPS gathered around to watch their leader introduce himself to the players. With the Deep, that made SEVEN vip's (get the reference).
Insurmountable Debt[edit | edit source]
Players began to wake up, having different reactions to where they were. Reese IMMEDIATLY started jerking it, while Josh Allen blamed the blacks. Adley Rutschman and Gunnar Henderson got scared they would miss their lectures, but they remembered they weren't going anyway. Kyle Tucker perhaps woke up the most confused, unaware that Justin brought BOTH of them here. Aroldis Chapman said he was scared and needed his mom and her boobs. Tim Anderson decided to shank the nearest player. Well Well Well.
Fernando Titties was about to stick it in the metal bedframe before the Deep came in. He explained that despite all of them being professional athletes, they were all broke ass bums. He started playing on the TV a montage of every player and there struggles.
Mariners catcher Cal Dumptruck needed money to make his ass even bigger, Brewers outfielder Christian FREAKlich needed money to pay off kinky strippers, Padres designated shitter Gavin Shitz needed money to repair his toilets, and Nationals pitcher Mackenzie Vore needed money to buy very specific erotic videos off the dark web. Orioles first baseman Ryan Newcastle needed money to make Apex Legends fun again, while dbacks pitcher Monty Mole needed money to build an underground sex lair. Dodgers outfielder James OUTman needed money to hook up his homie Kai, and pirates legend Andrew McCutchen needed money to make the furries go away. Mr Kris Byrant needed money to help his early retirement from photography, and Shane Savgur needed money to pay for his son's school where he doesn't go to class. And of course, Ippei Mizuhara needed more money to gamble.
Wander Franco started tweaking out becuz he hasn't seen a kid in 24 hours, and he told the Deep to hurry it up. The Deep revealed to everybody the grand prize of a buck-fifty. The person who won all the games would win it all. The Deep then said it was time to begin, but first needed to see how many people there were. Mookie Betts told the Deep that there were 800 players, Mookie knows because he fucked them all before. The Deep lowkey crashed out because he didn't realize there were so many LOSERS who played baseball. So he initiated an emergency game 1.
GAME 1: Dealers Choice[edit | edit source]
The Deep quickly eliminated every player that wasn't in an article or who wouldn't be important here today. Thats really about it. There were 100 players left. Afterwards, the Deep got horny so he started to leave to jerk off, informing the remaining players the 2nd game would start the next day. Somebody then shouted at the Deep, and everybody turned to see Chris Pratt. "Hey I'm not a baseball player! Why am I here?" The Deep said "Idk I just felt like having you here."
The Players began to form alliances with one another, such as Shohei Ohtani paying his interpreter to come be his fall guy again. This left Wander, Julio, Josh Allen, and Luigi without their useless fucker. At least Wander got to be reunited with Jose Siri, who lost tons of money to Hawk Tuah's crypto scam. Manny Machado and Fernando Titties had to drop Jurickson Profar from their 3 man, because Profar took loads of steroids to get his dick hard. They replaced him with Jackson Merrill, who was young enough to hit on college freshman without it being weird. Bryce Harper reassembled his band of Philly Cheesesteaks, as he needed money to fund Doctor Doom.
From the VIP room, the blonde barista watched Eric Hosmer explore the bodies of other kansas shitty royals. She was planning her revenge, waiting for the moment to unleash her snail named Emmanuel. Trevor Bauer pulled out a sniper rifle and aimed it at Cole from Ninjago's head. Just as he pulled the trigger, Tony Ohtani wanted to tickle fight and tackled Bauer. The bullet went sideways and shot Black Noir through the brain. Now this Noir also sees cartoon animals.
The Deep entered after railing a starfish, and gave everybody a fresca, because he's a kind host. After 30 minutes of straight silence, the Deep told everybody to leave the room so Megan Turner, sister of Trea Turner, could look over his essays (they had no thesis). Bauer and Tony Ohtani went on a quick side quest, as Bauer wanted to put a scorpion in Cole's bed. Tony Ohtani got really scared because a black guy came up to him, but it was just O'Neil Cruz telling him that he killed 3 people in the Dominican republic.
The two eventually regrouped and explored the basements of Diddy's Grotto. Bauer lowkey wanted to find a place he could put a finger in his ass without anyone watching, but he instead found a room with a supe killing virus. Just before he could shove that up his ass too, Tony Ohtani yelled "Come out bro they found US down here." It took Ohtani 5 whole minutes to reach Bauer's hiding spot, but the other guards took them both away. Bauer screamed "TF YOU MEAN US!"
Preparations[edit | edit source]
The following morning, shitters woke up to the sounds of women in the distance, appearing to be behind a door. Players started creaming, others shit their pants. Javier Baez ran straight up to the door, asking to be let in! Ha Seong Kim was literally Ryan Gosling, so he literally started crying. Cole screamed that he got stung by a scorpion. The Deep entered, and told everyone it was time to become a Chicago Cub. In other words, everybody needed to take their pants off.
The Deep announced that for the 2nd game, all the players had to do was get rizzy. In order to move on, the player needed to have intercourse, yes in the sexual way. LJ Hoes fell to his knees. "Just slime me already gng."
The Deep felt generous, and offered players a starfish, one at a time. Once all 100 players individually said "No, I do not want a starfish Mr. The Deep," then the Deep opened the doors. Let the chaos begin.
GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS FINE SHYTS[edit | edit source]
GAME 2: Rizz Up[edit | edit source]
The MLB shitters flooded into the room full of baddies, ranging from 2007 Megan Fox to "I didn't know god made bitches this ugly." The first player eliminated was Chris Pratt, who took the emergency exit and left on his own will. Its rumored that he had an important meeting to attend with Paulofan18.
To everybody's surprise, the 1st player successful was Reese Mcguire. He had a girl give him a fine handy. Success!
Fernando Titties Jr and Luis Arraez went on a quick 2 man. Not with any women, but with a bat and a toaster in the corner of the room. Success!
Paul Skenes was relieved to see his girlfriend Livvy Dunne in the room, and was preparing to stick it in. However, 80 other guys were simping for her as well. She didn't want to be mean so she decided to show everybody her nudes before sex. Meanwhile, Andrew McCutchen was trying to find somebody to fuck that wasn't a furry.
Wander had no trouble winning this round, as he pulled an Ian Hoag on the nearest 10 yr old. Success!
Julio Urias, Marcell Ozuna, and Aroldis Chapman went on a threeman using their fists. Aroldis had to play with her boobs before beating her though. Success!
Manny Machado and Nolan Omni Man both went straight for Elizabeth Olsen, but they lowkey had to battle it out for her love. Meanwhile, Matt Olson was going up to women and asking "Has Freddie ever hit?" When the 1st women said no, Matt blew her back out. Freddie never did that.
Kyle Tucker was struggling to rizz, as all he could do was tell the girls he was a fan of Gracie Abrams. In his head, Justin Tucker told him to let him take over and rape the massage girls. Kyle relented, leading to Justin going wild. Success!
It was not going well for everyone, as Xander Boogers was eliminated quickly. He got peppersprayed because he sucked ass. Dodgers pitcher Tyler MadeofGlassnow shattered into pieces upon getting pegged. Failure.
Bryce Harper and the Phillies ran a train on Aubrey Plaza, saying it was in honor of her dead husband. Success!
Andrew McCutchen eventually crashed out, unable to rizz anyone besides furries. He screamed "FURRIES" as he got sex'd by wolf costume people. Success!
Duran was struggling to get laid because he opened up emotionally on Netflix and now every girl got the ick. He tried one last time to rizz, or else he would really end it this time. He approached a slightly goth looking girl, and told her cool things like he can turn into a dancing alligator. She very politely said that was cool, and then Jarren told her he was gunna go do it. What Duran was about to find out was she has Tourette's. Suddenly, her voice ticked and she blurted out "Fucking Faggot!" OHHH! I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT! They had amazing homophobic sex. Success!
Chris Taylor stood in the room, trying to get his dick going. He kept thinking about Alph main getting trucked, but it wasn't workng. When all hope seemed lost, Becky G came and gave him head so good he almost cried. Sucess!
Adley Rutschman started a Yogurt Sigma Sigma frat party in the middle of the room, but he only invited obvious white people. He made an exception for his jewish friend Dean Creamer, because Dean gave him the US history answers. Despite multiple noise complaints, all the white boys fucked baddies. Success!
Manny Machado and Omni Man continued to fight, as Paul Skenes lowkey wanted to die because Livvy Dunne was now making out with every guy too. Skenes decided to go else where for sex, and found a 70 yr old cougar. Success, Maybe? He didn't look too happy.
O'Neil Cruz got rizzy, telling the women how he killed 3 people in the dominican republic, while Tim Anderson already fucked his 8th baby mamma. He was still going for the fun of the game.
Cole from Ninjago was struggling, particularly because a specific guard with a penis mask was cockblocking him constantly. Cole attempted to rizz Nya, but Bauer behind the mask wouldn't stop mentioning Cole's micropenis. Everything was going according to Bauer's plan until a gay ass goblin rizzed up Cole, and they had gay ass goblin sex in front of Bauer. Although he was pissed, Bauer watched the entire thing because why not.
Pookie Betts was feeling cooked, because there were only women and not men. However, Kike Hernandez called out for him in the distance, wanting to fuck his bro. The 2 ran to each other, but Kike started getting swarmed by 10/10 baddies and was taken away. He cried out for his homie Mookie, while the Aphrodite level girls rode him. A very sad success for Kike, and a failure for Pookie. Some men drown where others die of thirst.
Mike Trout found Shohei and his interpreter, ready to fight them for gambling all his money away. Ippei spoke to trout while Ohtani PLOWED his wife, telling Trout that "Once we win this money we can gamble it and then pay u back with our winnings." Trout was still furious, threatening to delete draftkings off Ippeis phone. Ippei told him "Man I'm just the interpreter talk to Shohei." Shohei finished with his wife, and offered her to both Ippei and Trout. The Japanese are very generous people.
Brandon Nimmo and Marcass Stroman held a political debate. Nimmo rode with the slogan "Your body. My Choice." while Stroman rode with the slogan "All white people should die." Surprisingly, all the baddies support Nimmo because Stroman was short and also Nimmo had a gun aimed at them. Nimmo succeeded, while Stroman left saying "If I was white I would have won this whole game! Ain't that right Tim?" Anderson had just finished with his 23rd baby mamma, still going for the love of the game.
Josh Hater and Josh Allen became fast friends, screaming the n word as loudly as possible. However, their friendship ended quickly as Hailee Steinfeld brought a black friend to have sex with Hater. Hader felt disrespected, and told Allen "Don't call. Don't talk to me. We're done." Hader joined the other Houston Asstrhoes as they raped cowgirls. Success!
LJ Hoes shot himself in the bathroom.
Javy Baez couldn't be more happy this round, as he had all the 0/10's to himself. His friend Mr Kris Bryant rizzed up baddies with well taken photos of their crotch. Success!
Giancarlo Stanton and Cody Bellinger got into a heated rivalry over Bellinger's wife, who REALLY dated Stanton before. Giancarlo uttered watch this, and she immediately fell back in love with him. This came at the expense of his back which crumbled like dust. Cody didn't really care, as he was hallucinating ancient deities. The guards weren't sure whether to count Bellinger humping the ground as a success, but they gave it to him anyway because why not.
Jose Siri forgot he killed Hawk Tuah, but he was able to settle on Harley Quinn who did cartwheels and backflips on it. Luigi had no trouble finding lovers, as shooting a rich guy is the most attractive thing you can do. Success!
Juan Soto was lucky enough to find an avocado farmer, and she let him fuck the avocados. Blake Snell was able to have E-sex with Pokimane, who dressed up as Hope from Fortnite for him. Jurickson Profar found a baddie, but he said he "needed" more steroids to fuck her. He was banned from MLB another 60 years in exchange for 8 seconds of sex. Sucess!
Manny Machado finally beat Omni Man after punching him HARD in the urethra. Nolan rage quit on the spot and flew home to beat up Invincible or something idk I never watched it. Manny finally achieved his life goal when he stuck it in Elizabeth Olsen and she let out a "PURE CHAOSSSSSSSS!"
The only 2 left were Korean sexy boys Jung Hoo Lee and Ha Seong Kim. Lee was lowkey the crypto guy from season 2, so he was able to pull the pregnant girl easily. Ha Seong then told Lee that, since he's the newest shortstop of the Tampa Ray Rays, he needed the feetus. Kim made Wander very proud.