User:Alph Main/sandbox
Although players were lost in the Corridor massacre, the games must continue...
AI Baby type shih[edit | edit source]
Trevor Bauer returned from dropping Megan off at Pizzos. He was originally gunna take her to his evil torture chambers, but he couldn't waste his opportunity to meet Dameon. Sadly, the Deep had to drop some depressing news to him, that Bauer's potentially gay lover Tony Ohtani passed away. Trevor cried out in pain "NOOO my annoying ass friend that brought no value to me!" When Bauer asked Deep how Tony died, the Deep said "Bitch idk now go rape people or something." Black Noir told Bauer that Leo the ninja turtle gave his condolences.
Getting the gang back together[edit | edit source]
Tony, pretending to be Shohei, Ohtani and Matt Olson returned to the lobby to the rest of the players. Ippei happily greeted "Shohei", telling him he bet on him surviving. Unfortunately, after winning the money he lost it again right away. Jarren Duran turned to Wander thinking he would be sad all his friends died, but Wander couldn't have looked more happy. Wander told Duran that the judge ruled him innocent and arrested the girls mom instead. "I told you, I always come back..."
Cody Bellinger was finally starting to sober up, but luckily Jung Hoo Lee was literally Thanos's friend from s2 and had more drugs in his necklace. Jurickson Profar joined them, asking if they wanted steroids with their drugs. Chris Taylor was happy no one discovered he isn't a dodger anymore. Fernando Titties Jr secretly hacked into Joe Musgrove's cyber arm and made it leak petrol (he drank it).
Matt Olson asked "Shohei" where that cool racist football player was, but he told Matt that he died along with everyone else that left. Matt broke down crying, but then he locked in and charged straight at Freddie Freeman. "It's YOUR fault they died Freddie!" Freddie got upset, saying he literally did nothing wrong. Matt said exactly, something else "YOU" never did. Matt swears he will avenge the fallen by sliming Freddie.
Tony Ohtani giggled as Matt had a valid crashout, but he started to hear a noise in the room. Tony went towards the noise, and was in shock of what he saw. It was a baby Shohei Ohtani. Due to his time powers, killing Shohei only resets his own timeline. Since he lowkey felt bad for Shohei, Tony decided he would protect the baby forever, or until he was bribed, or until he shit his diaper.
Knives and Keyz.[edit | edit source]
The Deep and Noir went down to introduce the contestants to game 6, the maze ripped straight from season 3 because it was cool af. In order to pick the teams, the players had to pull either a white or black pubic hair from a large pile. Once the teams were set, the Deep went to go talk to the white team. Noir and Ben 10 went to go talk to the black (ew) team.
Tony and baby Shohei were both on the White team, along with Ippei and Reese who was jerking it. Freddie was on the white team, but all he could focus on was Matt Olson staring angrily at him from across the room. The Deep gave each member of the white team a starfish that was to only be used on their penises. He then gave players a key that was to be used to find the exit. I mean the key was thin enough to also be used on your penis, but that wasn't its main purpose.
Most of the cool characters were on the Black team, including Titties Wander and Duran. Noir gave them all knives, and told them he didn't know what the rules of the game were. He said just go kill some bitches. Matt Olson grabbed his knife and stared intently at Freddie.
The white team was sent into the Deep's maze of aquatic treasures, and the black team soon followed...
Island takeover.[edit | edit source]
The Deep and Noir headed back to their lounge, disappointed they couldn't find good head. As they entered the doors, a giant bullet shot straight through Noir's head again. Now, he only sees Wanda & Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents. The Deep turned to see Bauer holding a Kraber, and it was the pre nerf Kraber. Bauer had lost it thinking Tony Ohtani died, and was ready to take over the gamez for himself. Deep did his best kid named Finger impression, going "Don't be rash!"
Bauer pulled down his pants and showed Deep the hole where his dick used to be, before blasting Deep's own dick off. The Deep tried to salvage the situation, putting a shrimp in his dicks place. Bauer finally ended it by throwing Deep into a tub of water and watching him drown. Fun fact, Deep doesn't know how to swim in a bathtub. As Noir tried hitting on BOTH fairies, Bauer took control of the island vowing to avenge his friend. He then googled Emma Watson feet pics on Yahoo.
Maze of Doom[edit | edit source]
GAME 6: HIDE AND SEEK[edit | edit source]
Tony Ohtani picked up baby Shohei and Ippei and carried them to the nearest room. Ippei, still thinking Tony was Shohei, told him they needed to teach this baby how to gamble ASAP. Baby Shohei started to cry, and Tony asked Ippei to check his diaper. Ippei told Tony there was cum in his diaper, and asked how tf a newborn could cum. Before Tony could explain it in detail, Mike Trout burst through the door with his knife and asked Ippei where his money was. Ippei IMMEDIATLY threw his friend under the bus, saying "Shohei has my money bro" before making a run for it.
Trout went up to Tony and asked for his money. Tony told Trout in perfect english "I can't talk without the interpreter bro." Trout understood, but picked up baby Shohei and said he was keeping him until they paid him his money. Tony watched Trout walk away with the baby, and then he watched Titties Jr kill Joe Musgrove and take his cyber arm apart. Success!
Wander was fueled with his newfound freedom, and quickly got kills. If he could get away with child touching, he claimed he could get away with anything. Jarren Duran followed him, preferably trying to find a gay guy to kill. Unfortunately, Kike was also black team, and also has a wife and kid. Wander was eager to go on 2 mans with Duran, so he captured Jurickson Profar and left him for Jarren. Duran was hesitant at first, so Wander had to enlighten him.
"Think Jarren. Why would a man need to take steroids? To make his dick hard! And where would a guy need his dick to be hard? With a woman! And why would a guy not be able to be hard if he's with a woman? Because hes gay!" Profar had to correct Wander, saying he took steroids because he's a fucking loser who can't hit baseballs. It was too late though as Duran jumped Profar and stabbed him 28 times. Success!
Manny Machado just got a whatsapp notification from Omni Man. Omni man sent him 74 photos of Elizabeth Olsen wearing a Dodgers hat. Manny's head exploded with rage and he stabbed James Outman 74 times, yelling that the Dodgers stole his wife. In his final breath, Outman called out for his homie Kai. Meanwhile, Reese Mcguire had found the most secluded hiding spot where nobody could find him jerking off.
Kyle Tucker was scared shitless, and tried embracing his astrological side to find the exit. Justin Tucker told him to quit that gay shit and go fight the black team members like a man. Kyle gave a zesty "noooo" before setting off to find the exit, but suddenly a camera flashed and Mr Kris Bryant spotted Kyle. Kyle started to run away, but Bryant was fueled with a newfound speed he got from leaving his students behind.
Kyle told Justin to take over, but Justin refused saying "go save yourself with your Scorpio bullshit!" Mr Bryant sniped Kyle in the back of the head with his 30 pound camera, and he tumbled to the floor. As Bryant went for the kill, Kyle had a last minute idea blurting out "Jahaun!" Mr Bryant was in shock, asking how he knew that weirdly spelled name. Kyle took the opportunity to throw dirt in Bryant's face, grab his knife, and stabbed his camera lense. In his dying moment, Bryant officially retired. Kyle began to vomit profusely as he never killed anyone before. Justin asked Kyle, "are you gunna eat that?"
Chrid Taylor rushed through the maze looking for the exit. Not only was he scared of dying, but he also was scared of missing Alph main kill himself. He eventually ran into Kike Hernandez who was on the opposite team, but luckily Kike just wanted to make out. Kike said he could never bring himself to kill him, and Taylor responded "Thx bro, even if we play for different Los Angeles baseball teams, I know you got my back!" Kike immediately looked like the star lord meme in guardians 2, going "What..." Taylor tried to fix it, but Kike shouted "I just realized I haven't given u anal in the dodgers clubhouse in 3 months! You're not a Dodger!"
Chrid made a run for it, but Kike taped the knife to his penis and charged after Taylor. Kike caught up to him and gave Taylor a poke in the butt. Chrid stumbled to the ground, but being an LA angle gave him new trigonometry powers. He grabbed a rock, and used perfectly angular measurements to snipe the knife off Kike's dick. Chrid picked up the knife and pointed it at his friend. Kike knew Chrid wouldn't be able to kill anyone without a little push, because hes a bitch. Kike told Taylor that "I love Alph Main bro." Chrid Taylor stabbed his friend, feeling more betrayed than when his wife cheated on him. Success...
Cody Bellinger was faded af walking around the maze. Although he was completely blacked out, he was able to perfectly walk to the exit door. He first needed to put his key in the hole, but he couldn't find the door knob that was right in front of him. Cody then perfectly walked over to Reese, who was in the middle of shooting a red. Bellinger convinced Reese to walk and jerk at the same time, bringing him to the exit door. As Reese tried nutting on the door, Cody started hallucinating the baddie that Min Su let fucking die. She began to tell Cody that the next game was some kind of smash bros reference. Before Bellinger could kiss her on the lips nonconsensually, Reese pulled Cody through the exit door and McGuire finished the red he was trying to shoot. Success!
Tony regrouped with Ippei and told him they needed to get the baby back from Trout. Ohtani started to yell at Ippei where he gets his money from. Ippei looked confused saying "Bro, you KNOW I steal the money from behind your back!" Thats when Tony remembered that Shohei was literally a multi billionaire, and told Ippei he would just pay Trout the money. However, Ippei stopped Tony from pulling from the back account. "We give him no money! Ts is about sending a message." They had to go for plan B. Not plan B on the baby, like a backup plan type plan B. I'm pretty sure its too late for plan b on the baby.
Tony prepared his best Shohei impression, and went up to Trout telling him that he would leave the Dodgers and go back to the Angles. Trout started crying so hard, saying how much he missed his twin. As tony distracted, Ippei descended from a rope in the roof ready to snatch the baby. Just before he grabbed baby Shohei, a parlay hit on his phone. Ippei quickly checked his earnings (-$600) and started gambling more. Tony crashed out and went for plan C, punching Trout in the face, grabbing the baby, and making a run for the exit. Ippei followed him shortly after losing another $800.
Ha Seong Kim tried to get a quick goon in, thinking of the girl from s1 of squid games. However, Jung Hoo Lee walked into the room looking very sad. Lee was literally the son from s3, and was not able to kill anyone. Kim tried being a hero for his friend, and was about to tell Lee to kill him. However, Kim really wanted to watch the Star Wars Ryan Gosling movie. Ha Seong sadly had to kill his friend, but it will be worth it in 3 years when Ryan Gosling says "I fly." on the big screen.
Dae Hoes[edit | edit source]
Matt Olson ignored every other white team player he found, as he was determined to find the guy who never did things he did. Matt eventually found Freddie laying on the ground, looking a little more gold than usual. Matt began his 5000 word, scripted monologue he made for the day he would slime Freddie. As Matt started to list EVERYTHING he's done that Freddie hasn't, Freeman started to make some ghoulish noises. Matt got very annoyed "Hey man, I know your jealous of all the things I have done, but like it's rude to interrupt my speech. Only Freddie would be such a dick am I right! Actually I need to check your penis size and make sure it's smaller than me..."
[INSERT GOLDEN FREDDIE JUMPSCARE NOISE]
Matt Olson shit his pants 2 separate times as Freddie knocked him to the ground with his jumpscare. Freddie grabbed the knife and aimed it at Matt, trying to get an explanation for why Olson was so obssesed with being better than him. Matt began to tell his story.
"Well, you see. It all started when I was 6 years old. I went outside one day and found a dead bee in the grass. It looked so helpless, and I knew I couldn't just leave it there. I put it in my mouth, but then I swallowed it. I got a sting in my esophagus, and now I can't eat solid foods anymore."
...
"THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME" Screamed Freddie. "I know, but its something else you never did." said Matt. Freddie tried to stab him, but Matt rolled out of the way using a dope ass gymnastic technique Freddie probably doesn't know. Olson tackled Freeman and they fell down a flight of stairs, but Matt landed on top and started humping him. Matt took the knife and stabbed Freddie, freeing the child spirit trapped in him. In his final moment, Freddie called for his wife and children, but he was interrupted by Matt trolling him for being a loving father and husband. "Real men call out for that one girl they never dated back in freshman year of college!" Matt started to break down crying thinking of the girl Freddie never hit. Success!
MegaMind[edit | edit source]
After the maze, 16 players remained, the perfect amount for La Mejor Isla Scrims. That wasn't the next game though, that was reserved for BG squid games. The players returned to see Trevor Bauer and a deformed Black Noir waiting for them, with the Deep hanging from the floor. The players all celebrated, and Ha Seong Kim shouted "Thank you for freeing us!" Bauer responded, "I wouldn't say freed..."
Bauer forced everyone back into back, and told them this was his revenge for the MLB banning him for "doing nothing wrong." When Mike Trout tried to tell Bauer that raping people is bad, Wander stepped in and said "nah hes valid as long as they were under 16." Tony Ohtani ran up to Bauer, wanting to say hi to his bestie, but Trevor thought he was Shohei and clocked him in the face.
"Fuck you Shohei! You killed my best... not my best but my frien... well more like acquant... you killed Tony! Go time travel or something." Tony got really sad and tried to time travel, but he ended up popping an artery. Bauer then noticed the baby, and asked where he came from. Wander yelled "BABY?!" as he rubbed his hands together and licked his lips. Bauer had to ask Black Noir what the next game was supposed to be, and Noir answered with "aufgshesyz"
Marble Cake[edit | edit source]
Tragedy[edit | edit source]
Fernando Titties woke up the next morning with his motor sore from the last game, and Manny Machado woke up with swollen eyes, crying all night because Elizabeth Olsen was a Dodgers fan. Wander stared like a hyena at baby Shohei the entire night. Reese woke up and started to jerk it. Ippei woke up and started to lose more money, pissing off Mike Trout even more. Blake Snell woke up and was about to start using the lobby ps4 when he looked up and screamed.
Everybody looked up to see Matt Olson hanged himself, with a note attached to his body. It read:
"To my dearest brochacho's...
Everybody has a purpose in life, and mine was to be better than Freddie. I put in the work, work that Freddie never did, so that I could reach great accomplishments in my life that Freddie did not. However, Freddie is no longer here, because I slimed his ass lmao. That also means my purpose is gone as well. With nobody to be better than anymore, I can rest in peace. That is why I will now die by hanging, because Freddie never did that. Goodbye gang.
P.S: y'all can use my BTD account. The user is xxBetterThanFreddiexx and the password is password. I have all the paragons; I doubt Freddie does."
Blake Snell immediately logged into the account, as he didn't want Paulo to win the bet. Cody Bellinger promised everybody he didn't give Matt drugs, but then he took it back because he probably did. Cal Dumptruck cheered everybody up by flexing his gigantic ass.
Confidant Team Up[edit | edit source]
Bauer came into the lobby eating donuts and wearing no shoes. He told everybody it was time for the next game, and to partner up. Tony screamed "I love you!" tryna shoot his shot. Bauer left him on seen in person, but the players started to bring up their was an odd number of people. Bauer decided that it make sense to have the baby sit out, and went to go take him. Both Tony and Wander yelled "NOOO!" The baby cried the moment it touched Bauer, but Trevor simply took him to the back and left him with Noir. Black Noir is actually a very good babysitter if you were wondering.
Titties Jr and Machado duo'd up, ready to bring another disappointing season to San Diego. Wander and Jarren teamed up again, hoping to put an end to pride month. Chrid Taylor was allowed to team with Blake Snell, as long as Taylor became Snell's fulltime COD duo partner. Ippei immediatly yelled "Shohei's MY partner everybody, so don't team with him." Tony Ohtani lowkey wanted to shit on ts interpreter, who btw has not interpreted shit for him.
Bauer went to go drop baby Ohtani off with Noir, who was struggling to make his first wish with the fairly oddparents. Apparently, it's illegal to wish for genie head. Trevor returned to the games, and Noir offered baby Ohtani some tequila. Suddenly, baby Ohtani time traveled away. Noir started to search around the whole lobby, but all he found was a pringles can, a latex glove, a sponge, and rubber bands under Reeses bed...
GAME 7: SUPER SMASH YOUR BROS[edit | edit source]
Titties Jr and Manny Machado volunteered to be the 1st to play the game, and entered the arena. They were surprised to see they were on Final Destination, and at first thought they were going to fight Master Hand and Crazy Hand. This actually reminded Reese of his own crazy hand, and got back to work down there. Suddenly, the announcer yelled "FIGHT" and items started to rain onto the field. The 2 daddies accepted their fates immediately, and began to duke it out.
Titties had a side special similar to Samus, and shot motorcycle Rockets at Manny. Machado used a reflector created out of pure rage to counter Titties, and then grabbed a metal box to become indestructable. Titties tried to use built in sawblades to cut Metal Manny, but it didn't work and Machado started to pound Titties. Fernando was able to fly away with rocket jets and grabbed an X bomb. The X stood for "Xander", and the bomb released energy straight from the awful baseball player. Machado powered up a forward smash, and punched Titties Jr so hard his wires began to short circuit. Manny then picked up a rage blaster, but Machado had too much hate and the blaster melted immediatly. Similar to me breaking the negativity ring.
Titties Jr regained health by eating Wario's side special (the motorcycle), and was about to get back to work before he saw golden metal pieces fall from the sky. Using his engineering skills, Titties assembled something loud and powerful and fuckable. Machado went to go grab the Hammer, but he shuddered once he saw Fernando pointing the Daybreak at him. "Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait!" Titties held down his erection as he vaporized Machado with his cybernetic bazooka. After his success, Titties did not hold back on the daybreak.
More bro smashing[edit | edit source]
The duos were now all hesitant to fight each other, well most duos. Cal Dumptruck was ready to sit on Cody Bellinger, and dragged him into the ring. Bellinger, somehow still faded af, told Cal "watch out for Lyn dawg..." The battle began and Dumptruck charged at Cody, ready to sit on his face. Bellinger used the super leaf and a capsule (not the smash bros kind, his kind) and became more high. Cal knocked him high into the air, but Cody lowkey just started levitating as he ascended to the astral plane. An assist trophy spawned into his hands, and Lyn jumped out. Bellinger said a "yoooo sick Attack on Titan or some shih" but Lyn just started crushing Cody's head with her thighs. Cal Dumtruck got hella jealous, so he knocked Cody to the ground and crushed his head with his thighs. Lyn teleported behind Cal and stabbed him right through the anus. Cal was lowkey like Achillies, so he passed away instantly. Bellinger tried rizzing up Lyn after smoking 70 liters of super leafs.
"Sup Chinese Huzz. I've read so many mangos girl, including Creature Girls. It was so hot, but then I passed out and woke up in a fright. So uh, how much for the crack." Lyn was nice enough to refer Cody to Takemi.
Chrid Taylor and Blake Snell were next to battle, but Taylor was at a big disadvantage because Snell had 40K hours on Smash Ultimate. Snell found an S flag on the floor, and Chrid asked what it was. "It's called a slapdick flag bro, i'll insta die so u can win." Taylor said bet, but watched Snell get an extra life. "FUCK YOU!" Snell started to show off crazy zero to deaths to intimidate Taylor, so Chris picked up the nearest pokeball and threw it down. He sadly only got a useless ass Eve.
Snell started getting cocky, and decided to fill up his Limit meter. Taylor didn't know what to do, until he saw all of Byleth's weapons on the ground. Chrid refused to pick up the weapons of such a gay loser character, but he had no choice when Snell started glowing blue. He rushed over to do that down B thing, but Taylor started shooting arrows at him. Snell dodged, and then he also dodged the lance Chrid tried to use on him. Taylor then yelled "No more Mister Nice Guy!" and started charging a powerful strike with the axe. Snell got so cocky he let Chrid get the free kill with the axe, but Taylor forgot about the 2nd life. Snell took advantage of the axe's incredible end lag and started raping Chrid.
Snell used a giant mushroom to become huge, and was charged up his slapdick forward smash to finish the job. Taylor went for a hail mary with the only weapon he didn't use yet. He whipped Snell into the air, and then neutreal aired, and then did it again, and again. Snell got destroyed in the blast zone, and Chrid vowed to never use such gross weapons again.