User:Alfred Lord Telecom

ALFRED LORD TELECOM

--Alfred Lord Telecom 12:55, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Alfred Lord Telecom was born in Sturston in Norfolk. Certain portents and auguries at the time of his birth caused the village to be surrounded by barbed wire and cordoned off by the MOD. Shortly afterwards the village was turned into a crater.

His early life was spent on the road in a travelling circus where he appeared as JoJo the Dog Faced Boy, Pingo the Human Bullet and Uranium Kid who Glows in the Dark.

He spent his teens in an induced coma where his condition helped inform many life saving therapies, in particular those pertaining to impact injuries, radiation burns and long-term exposure to dog food.

A series of epiphanies led to the establishment of Concussionism, a faith whose simple tenets will one day place it alongside the great religions of the world.

The fundamental unit of the Faith is the Heretic. Two Heretics form a Schism. A Schism can elect as many Popes as it likes. Papacies are defined by natural or administrative boundaries. One Pope per Pope Code is our goal.

Concussionism celebrates the life of Victim A, the name we give to all those murdered by the Spirit of Management. A typical Concussionist meeting happens on a Friday, a ten minute talk followed by a 72 hour musical event being the usual format. Each beat of the music represents a victim. By the time the weekend’s over we have memorialised at least half a million Victim A’s.

As well as several Papacies, some of which are for sale, Telecom holds the Order of Lemming and a Diploma in Cycling Efficiency.

He is 28 years old, lies about his age and will pay the fiver back when he can.