User:Agnossos/HowTo:Tell If You're Gay

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“Me? Gay? Why that's preposterous! Although I do suck the occasional cock.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Being Gay

“If you like, uhmm, always 'give' and never uhmm, 'receive', that means you're not gay, right?”

~ Confused Teenage Guy on Being Gay

If You're Gay And You Know It, Tongue A Guy (Clap! Clap!)[edit | edit source]

You make me sick, faggot.
If this picture is of you, you're gay
Knight Rider: Stupid people aren't necessarily gay
100% pure American straighness

Are you irritable and lethargic? Do you see bright darting spots if you stand up too quickly? Has your tongue turned black and swollen? Do you suffer from insomnia, psoriasis, halitosis, premature ejaculation, or perhaps all four? Did you vote Republican in the last election? Do you have any of the following:

  • thoughts of suicide?
  • overactive adrenal glands?
  • butthole sex?


If so, you might be gay and not even know it! In the USA alone, over 12 million people suffer from undiscovered gayness. Are you one of them? Stop having sex with the wrong kind of people! Check yourself for the warning signs of gayness, and start living the life you were meant to live, today!!

You are definitely gay if

  • You have ever wondered if you might be gay
  • Your laptop has an AMD Processor in it
  • You are extremely happy and light-hearted, and the year is 1890
  • You Da Man
  • Bill O'Reilly thinks you're gay
  • You're Tom Cruise
  • You're bi or bi-curious


You are probably gay if

  • You sleep on your side at night
  • You sleep on your front at night
  • You sleep on another guy's front at night (and you're a guy)
  • You enjoy the sound of a summer rain falling outside your window
  • You're a male gym rat with a killer body (if you also enjoy sucking cock)
  • You've ever watched The View and taken sides
  • You've ever watched The View and not taken sides
  • You wear lots of leather (unless you're Knight Rider)


You might be gay if

  • You have any of the telltale signs of gayness, like ten fingers, an esophagus, etc.
  • You support the Gay-Lesbian Agenda in politics
  • You are loudly and angrily anti-gay
  • You quote the bible a lot


You are not gay if

  • You're G. Gordon Liddy
  • Everybody else is at least a little bit gay


P.S. If you question my statistic of '12 million people suffering from undiscovered gayness', I'm gonna tell everybody you're gay.

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