User:5noname5/Advice Archives
December 2008[edit | edit source]
December The First
- When approaching a stoplight, turn around, eat a jelly doughnut, and don't be alarmed if a KKK Klansmen appears with a big stick and a funny looking eye patch.
December The Second
- When you are overwhelmed by the sensation that you have no life, stop, accept it, feed a cookie to your inner beast, and move on.
December The Third
- The easy things in life don't exist. You need to make it easy, so that everyone else doesn't laugh at you for being such a simpleton. What? You can't make t easy? Yes you can! *Slap* Don't talk to your elders like that! *Slap*
December The fourth
- De, dum, do-abity butty do, bat-bat ba yo! A dumm dum, a skippity dup bup bee, bo bu...
December The fifth
- Rambling is a great way to get your point across. It may make people fall asleep, but it also gives the impression that you are wise, old, wise, and old. It makes you seem as if you have seen many things in your time, and you are ready to spread your endless wisdom with the world. That reminds me of the time when I shared my wisdom with a Japanese accordion player. We had a long conversation over who's better, the Sox or the yanks, and then we went fishing down by the old creek. He caught a mighty fine large mouth, while I caught nothin' but a bluegill. Afterward, we spent our time rambling, trying to see who could ramble the most. I won of course, and later I won at Monopoly, however he cheated. I saw him take money from the bank. Oh yeah, one time when I played Monopoly, I found this really cool trick with a dice. Aw, sonny, you'll have to find what it is yourself! It's good for your character! Anyway, Rambling daily is good. Make yourself seem smart, even if your not. But wait... If people think your smart.. you ARE smart, aren't you? Hmm. Reminds me of this other Paradox I found once...
December The sixth
- Smoke cigars all day long, and good things will happen to you.
The Spanish Inquisition failed to receive any words from god during this time. He was to busy partying. We apologize for any inconveniences this might have caused. Now, which will it be? The rack, or the comfy chair?
December The Seventh
- Don't read those horoscopes that say that they can see what will happen to you just because of "what the stars tell them." It's all phoney baloney. Hogwash. Rubbish. Don't waste your money on fortune tellers or palm readers either. Don't even read stuff that claims to be giving you advice. Wait...
December The twelfth
- Procrastinate daily. Call me back if that makes sense.
December the fuckwad
It's the Christmas season, that time of the year when that jolly obese pedophile breaks into kid's houses and spreads crap all under the Christmas tree. Instead of leaving milk and cookies for him this year,leave a note asking him if he died for your sins.
August 2009[edit | edit source]
It's been a while. We've been busy slaughtering infidels, but we have taken off from our busy schedule to bring you some more worthless advice!
- August the 1st
Penis, that is all.