User:2Xtreme

The Pillsbury Doughboy: America's Tasty Doughman, Dies.

Very, Very sad news today... The Pillsbury DoughBoy has died. He died today at 8:30 am. The coroner(who presumabaly claims that he is a coroner, he doesn't even have his permit, anyway) claims that the Doughboy died of a yeast infection in the stomach. We talked to the widower, Mrs. Doughboy. "I quite recall him getting up in the middle of the night last night saying his stomach hurt and I followed him to the kitchen...don't ask me why he went to the kitchen, and he got in the fridge and ate a couple of his own buns left over from dinner. There was no pun there stating he was gay, (even though there is footage from Tijauana in 94' kissing a man's ass.) He said he felt fine after that and went back to bed. "We presumed, being how were always right, that he had a yeast infection in his stomach and it was caused by the constant years of being poked in the stomach by people who bought his product. The Doughboy had 3 childeren, who were so sad, but then there other daddy they had that the Doughboy didn't know of came to cheer them up, and they didnt even remember the Doughboy. He had a problem with drugs and alcohol. He finally got clean in 2001, but the after effects started to set in, also beliveing that that had something to do with his death. When the autopsy is completley done, we will come back with the full results.

Personal Life

The Pillsbury Doughboy, real name Hugo Van Metter Hitlar, was born in 1894, in Stalingrad, Germany. He was raised by his parents, Yeast, and Water. They always thought that he was a bad piece of dough, but they also thought he had good inside him. From the time he was a child, he had some good in him, but was mostly a bad hoagie. In the 20's, Doughboy and his parents traveled from Germany to the Americas. He instantly became a hit with the American public as "The Pillsbury Doughboy".

This was the Doughboy in his very early years, trying to fit in with the times

== While in America he developed a sensation for Women, and their "buns", so he decided to invent his own company to produce sets of women's "buns" for people to enjoy. That company was Pillsbury, named after his grandfather. So many people enjoyed these buns that he made a killing off of them in the 20's, and then came the Great Depression. No money was being shelled out, so no buns. And when there are no buns to sell, the Doughboy lost money and sank into a depression himself. So in the wake of World War II, The Doughboy lived by his real name and joined the Nazi force.

The Doughboy when he joined the Nazi forces

==

Hiel De Flour!

The Pillsbury Doughboy worked for the Nazi forces from 1939 on the invasion of Berlin to 1945 when the Nazis surrendered. He was the baker for all soldiers and was even Hitler's personal cook. His buns were a sensation to the Nazi forces and Hitler enjoyed them so much, he allowed the Doughboy to host his own Nazi rally. Doughboy, now Hitler's right hand man in '42, was developing things called Flour Chambers, a lesser known version of the Gas Chamber, used in the Nazi Labor Camps. They would force a prisoner in there, preferably after they had forcibly eaten the Doughboys buns made with poison, and use flour to choke and kill the prisoner. Although it never was a big use, it killed 20 to 30 thousand men in the camps. In '45, when the Nazi's surrendered, the American Army captured The Doughboy and forced him to tell America why he switched sides. He explained that it was your mom's fault and then said that he did it for teh money and buns. We gave him a second chance.