Uncyclopedia Health Service/UHS

UHS Application for Hospital Visit

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- Personal -

Name _______________________

Gender - M / F -

(Yes, the doctors will undress you and poke fun at your genitals, but for some people they just cant tell...)

PIN Number _______________________

(Oh how silly of me, the doctors will just steal you wallet while you're under.)

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- Reminder - If you take any medications, please bring them in so the more junior doctors can experiment with them in the laboratory, or as we like to call it, toilet. Stimulants are most appreciated.

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- Preferences -

What would you like to eat? - Grey slop / Grey slop / Grey slop

(If the doctors want to sleep with you they may get you something better.)

Would you like to be resuscitated after the pie?

Yes __

No __

(If you couldn't take the pie, I wouldn't try the dessert.)

Would you like to try the executive service?

Yes, Vodka through an IV is my idea of heaven __

No, toilet water is fine for me __

How often would you like your room cleaned?

Once a Day

Once a Week __

Never, the cockroaches really grow on you __

What would you like the doctor to tell your family if they leave medical equipment in you?

"Oh thats the.. um.. scissor bone." __

"It was like that when he came in here" __

"How does free hospital for a month sound?" __

Please sign this declaration:

I declare that I am legally unwell, and consent to being patronized and violated in the spirit of impersonal scientific discovery. I also do not mind if my internal organ/s are sold to a wealthy Chinese businessman for a tidy profit.

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