Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/October 3

Milburn "Rich Uncle" Pennybags (also known as Mr. Monopoly or The Chinchilla Don) is a high-powered real estate financier and leader of the Monopliano crime family. First emerging onto the scene in 1936, Pennybags quickly gained mass notoriety for his flashy style and expensive tastes, as well as his allegedly ruthless treatment of those who dare defy him.

Milburn Pennybags was born Amil Penbaglio to Furio and Silva Penbaglio in 1918. As Italian immigrants, neither Furio nor Silva spoke English. In addition (and despite their Sicilian origins), neither knew anything about cooking, truck driving, dry cleaning, or trapeze artistry. As such, Furio worked odd jobs, and Silva was, out of necessity, a rodeo clown. Amil, an only child, exhibited an early interest in calligraphy. Later in life, Milburn commented "I learned two very important lessons as a young man. The first was that you can go farther in this world with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. The other was calligraphy." As an adolescent, Amil befriended cousins Harold and Carmine Risko, a pair of allegedly low-level muscle men for the Monoplianos. The boys became a tactical team for the family, providing their morally questionable services with zero regard for the law or human decency. (Full article...)