Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/May 8

Dick Willie Johnson is a legendary human being, with an outrageous amount of accolades under his belt, he is the spokesperson for the universe. Born in New Orleans, Louisiana on October 31, 1895.

His first sign of greatness came when he was at the age of 4, he noticed two people strumming on a guitar, curious, Johnson walked up to the men and asked if he could play some. The men allowed him to play, and what followed was the most beautiful music that ever came from a guitar, slapping your grandma with the best fucking riff you've ever heard. After the first riff, the guitar turned into shiny gold. The men were so starstruck they had a heart attack and shortly died. Johnson took the gold guitar with him, the most recognized symbol of Johnson.

At the age of 6, Johnson invented the blues music. His first song was called: "Nice Rack (Bitch)". This song soared in popularity and is widely regarded as the greatest song ever made. (Full article...)