Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/May 7

Heaven's Gate was a cult composed of average and down-to-earth individuals who believed that in order to save themselves from an impending doomsday, they had to catch the next comet and get the Hell out of Dodge. In order to reach their ultimate goal and join the ETs that were undoubtedly patrolling in the vicinity of the Comet Hale-Bopp, they had come to the conclusion a mass suicide was in order. The 39 brainwashed members succeeded with flying colors in the self-actualization department. The leaders of this fine organization went by the names Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Nettles. Their logic and scientific rigor were held in high regards within the scholarly community.

In the 70s, after suffering a stroke brought upon by frantically chasing imaginary little Green Men around, Applewhite met Bonnie Nettles, his nurse. Between 2 morphine shots, he managed to convince her that he just had a little chat with God. The Supreme Being allegedly told him that the very matter from which he was made was somehow related to Jesus. Their tale was to be one of the most bizarre cases of cultism ever told. They roamed the USA Bonnie-and-Clyde-style, feasting on credulous souls by boasting that they were in constant contact with Captain Spock. Applewhite claimed that he was an "Evolutionary Kingdom Level Above Human." Nothing less. (Full article...)