Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/March 13
Giant Novelty Foam Hands! Giant Novelty Foam Hands!! GIANT NOVELTY FOAM HANDS!!! WOW! Can you believe it? No you can't! Wanna know why? Because it's unbelievable! It's a miracle! I mean you have to see this deal we have going on! All for only $999.99!!!!! I mean, this is just a solid golden platinum deal if I've ever heard one. You don't just see giant novelty foam hands of this kind of quality for a price like this. We really should be charging more, but since my superiors and I here at Giant Novelty Foam Hands Incorporated value a quality product more than the bottom line, we slashed our prices like an angry teenage girl slashes her wrists, which judging from the outcries of my daughter, is quite a lot!
What's in it for you? What's in it for YOU? I'll tell you what's in it for you. Social status. Political power. Omnipotence. Laughter in the office. Foam is also good for the environment. In this day and age, it's important not to get left behind with the times. What with the economy the way it is, and political turmoil all over the place, you need a secret weapon. You need something that can turn everything around for you. Whether you own a business or are stuck competing in the rat race with Machiavellian coworkers, you need something that can grind your competitors into gravel, that can mercilessly crush them, leaving you sole victor over all the spoils of victory. (Full article...)