Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 12

There you are - forty-one years old, single, on your way home from work. It's been a long day. It's a Monday, or a Wednesday, and you've got plenty more days left just like this one. So to cheer yourself up, you stop at the local candy shop. You make your selection carefully. Pear drops, rhubarb and custard, the lovely little chocolate mice - whatever you like. You spend the loose change in your pocket and feel good about yourself. You leave the shop, delve your hand in the bag, and then...

You see them. They're coming. Your oh-so-friendly neighbour and her oh-so-evil son. How old is he? He's got to be at least 3, right? Why the hell is he still in a pushchair? Probably too fat to walk. And then you realise...

Quick, you think. Hide the candy. You try to stuff it in your pockets, but it's too late. You've drawn attention to yourself. The mother smiles - pity she's got a boyfriend - but her fat baby has noticed the little white bag. "Hello," he thinks, "I'll have some of that." With time running out, you swing the bag behind your back, but the mother notices. And now she's stopped! This is getting out of hand! (Full article...)