Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/June 10

Sicilian Man: America has been kind to me. Her milk has provided me with many children, who I love dearly. But my eldest daughter, she is an idiot. She wears sweaters that do not expose her breasts. She has been running away from explosions in slow motion a lot less than usual. She is different to people like you and me, people who speak in clichés and patriotic tripe. Then two weeks ago, I saw her reading a book. A book! This is America. She doesn't even have a nice rack. I tried to provide for her, but no matter how hard I try, she won't get into a car chase or have an inane love affair. I don't know what to do.

A hand comes from offscreen and gives the man a glass of brandy.

Don Vito Corleone: And what is it you want me to do on this day of days my daughter's wedding who I love and think is great?

Sicilian Man: Oh Godfather, your horribly written dialogue just brings home the fact that I need you to do this.

Don Vito: Then what is it you want me to do? (Full article...)