Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/July 27

So at my old job, there was this girl I had a serious crush on. I mean, everything about her was amazing. Her hair, her lips, her football-shaped body... the way she entered those numbers into the AS/400, it was like God himself had sent one of his angels down to Earth to enter numbers into the AS/400.

So I was talking about her to my friend Ryan, and he said, "Hey, dude, you have that old Casio, right? Why don't you write her a love song?"

I thought it was a good idea. So the next day, I went to work, and Ryan came with me and brought his guitar, and I laid it all down for her.

Well, unfortunately, she said no. And also I was fired. But I learned one thing: it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. (Full article...)