Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/December 23

We gotta problem here boys, and it ain't goin' away by prayin' about it, I can tellz ya dat. Ya all know what I'm talkin' about. Festivus: Dat holiday celebrated on December 23rd dat dat polite Jew boy Seinfeld came up with. It's got me peein' my pants, and I'll tell you why.

For a long time we've had dis thing, dis Christmas, all to ourselves. Biggest moneymaker since da mugs came up with mortal sin. Sure, sure, we had to wrestle Christmas away from da pagans, Jews, and dose other witches. Then some of da other boys, youse Lutherans and Pressbeterians and dem, dey started piggybacking on da meal ticket. Cock-a-roaches.

But even so, Christmas was still pretty much ours, all de way from St. Peta takin' the reigns to Santa Claus providin' backup. But I dares ya to take a nun, a shovel, and a flashlight, and go underneath the Vatican and order her to start diggin'. Know what yu'd find? St. Peta and Claus spinin' in dere graves, right next to Jesus and Holy Mudda Mary in deres doin' backflips. All because of a goddamn TV show! (Full article...)