Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/August 2

UNN Washington DC -– Today the United States added an additional level to its colorful Homeland Security warning system when it declared that the nation's terrorist threat level was elevated to Gut Level and assigned to the color "Bile".

Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff stated that “after months of having a gut feeling that those Taliban people would do this nation harm and were organizing an attack on the United States, we have finally added the color Bile to the Homeland Security Advisory System to indicate those times when you just have a nagging feeling that something could be going on.”

Joining Chertoff in the announcement was President Bush, who added “Both Secretary Chertoff and I have had unverifiable feelings that the evildoers were out there doing something…something is eminent…and you know it's, well it's just something that you feel could be on the horizon, but something that we just can't get our hands around it." (Full article...)