Get Magna Carta is part of
The UnScripts Project
Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions
A man is walking around in a meadow. The sound of water can be heard in the distance and there is a wind blowing that ruffles the man's hair. He walks slowly, looking all around. A phone in his jacket can be heard.
Here's your train fare to South America Magna.
Adepto Carta Romam. Mori a catholica!
I moved to Japan to make cartoons.
Voice on Phone
Are you Carta??
The Man
I fancy you. Tell me what colour stockings you have on.
Voice on Phone
You don't understand. John wants Magna Carta dead...black, sheer black.
The Man
Can I have that in writing?..go to the bedroom.
Voice on Phone
And Innocent...I am in the bedroom.
The Man
What's that Italian to me? Take your clothes off.
Voice on Phone
Innocent wants the same. He wants her dead...I have.
The Man
My name's Carta. DID YOU GET THAT?..I'll be round shortly.
In Newcastle, England by the swing bridge. A man is waiting, he looks down at the grey River Tyne. The phone rings.
The Man
Just do what I say and no one else will get hurt.
Voice on Phone
He knows. John knows what you did with Isabella when he was in
France with Philip. You want to see the photos?
The Man
Stuff them up your arse. I don't have a smartphone. Don't want to see your French ponce.
Voice on Phone
He knows. John knows everything now about you and Isabella. He wants you to come home.
The Man
What about Magna Carta?
The Man
My name's Carta. So is hers.
Voice on Phone
John knows. We'll have a party at his castle with drugs and strippers. You'll like that. You can forget about Isabella. She's going nowhere now. Magna Carta. Just make her do it.
The Man
My name's Carta. Spelt C-A-R-T-A. You fungus-faced git.
The coast of Durham, England. A grey sea. Rusting cars and dead sea gulls on the beach. A bottle of whisky. A man walks along the shore. A phone rings.
Voice on Phone
In a thin glass?
The Man
What's it to you?
Voice on Phone
He knows you have something that he wants.
Voice on Phone
Innocent knows too.
The Man
Barons, bishops, fishwives and candlestick makers bloody know. You're history, bad history.
Voice on Phone
Innocent isn't very happy. He's praying you make it easy. Your soul will burn.
The Man
I prefer the pious types. Less hypocrisy.
Voice on Phone
You always had a sense of humour you know that?
The Man
Do it. Bring what I want. I am Carta. Spelt C-A...
Voice on Phone
Yes I know. No one's Innocent except Innocent.
Las Vegas, USA. Caesar's palace. Flashing lights. People in bad clothing walking around. A man in a three piece suite looks out of place. In his waistcoat a phone rings.
Voice on Phone
John has disowned her. You're a dead man.
Voice on Phone
Magna Carta. John said it was done under duress. You have nothing.
The Man
Deal is over unless you bring me who I want.
Voice on Phone
It's over Sylvester. We have everything now.
The Man
I say when it's over. My name is Carta. Not Sylvester.
Voice on Phone
Innocent's dead too. That was clever. Vatican say you did it. Carta, you can come home now. You remember Bill?
A crossbow bolt comes across the screen and strikes the man in the head. He dies immediately. Then from the undergrowth, a woman walks over. She picks up the phone held by the dead man.
Voice on Phone
Carta? Miss Magna Carta??
Voice on Phone
Miss Carta. Have you considered Credit Suisse Crossbow Insurance? We are offering a special deal and a trip to Japan.
Woman
Is that you William? I promise not to Tell.
