UnNews:Tiger really didn't rape anybody

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7 April 2010

This tiger clearly didn't rape anybody. Just look how cute it is! Aww...

ZOOS AND RAINFORESTS AROUND THE WORLD — There have been rumours about a tiger raping someone, damaging the reputations of tigers across the globe. UnNews would like to clear up this terrible case of misinformation. "No tiger didn't rape nobody." You got that? Good.

On Tuesday, several tigers representing their species gave the first open news conference since the scandal around their great sex life revealed in a Discovery Channel video.

Tony the Tiger, a famous advertising model and porn star, said he was outraged by this hard case of baseless allegations.

"Where are these rumours coming from? What fucking idiot came up with this crap? They're lies, people! No tiger didn't rape nobody!" Tony said decidedly.

Shere Khan and Richard Parker RAWRed in approval.