UnGames:OBS 9000BC/Cave2
Sabertooth Den[edit | edit source]
Strength:
Water: UGH!
Yomyoms: UGH!
Weapon: Bare fists
Barterstones:
Items:
Team with: Nobody, me real man.
Sun: Hour 0 of Day 1
Me sick of stuck in cave, so me begin gnaw hole in wall. Me hear something breathe behind me, but when me look behind, nothing there. Dirty cave spirits, they love play trick on me. When me get around to it, me capture cave spirit, me roast it alive over fire. Only problem is, how me skewer spirit?
Well, Hooga-Chaka highly intelligent man. Me big, big brain. Hooga-Chaka find way.
Aha, me invent spirit skewer! Only problem is, how me make spirit skewer?
Me hear footsteps behind. But me continue chew through cave wall. More dirty spirit trick. Me try intimidate spirit with me famous tribal chant of "HOOGA CHAKA! ME DEFEND CHICHAGO HOOGA CHAKA! TIE THEY SPINE IN KNOT HOOGA CHAKA! EAT THEY SPINE WHEN DONE HOOGA CHAKA!"
Everyone know me chant. Children in unknown faraway land probably know me chant. In eleven thousand summer they probably recite me chant every day.
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before me hear creature behind yell:
"AIMAGONA KILIYU MUDAFUKA!"
Me look behind. Is it cave bear? Talking cave monster? Primal demon from Otherworld?
No, it worse.
That smell, that horrid beast-like face, that subhuman stare, that horrible, horrible, big, big, horrible breath.
A dog-face man. Me no sure what "aimagona kiliyu mudafuka" mean in dog-face tribe language, but me guess it mean "Me no want be you slave."
And that mean only one thing: Me banish terrible creature to- wait! Me would have to fight dogface man with fists. And if me fight dogface man with fists, ME TOUCH HIM WITH HANDS! And his skin probably cursed! Me almost smell his evil poison!
That Shaman's number one medical advice.