UnGames:Garlic bread/source

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|0 = <!--GAME START-->
{{text adventure
|title = Garlic bread adventure!
|image = Garlicbreadwithcheese.png
|text = 
You feel an emptiness inside you, a deep pit in your soul that nothing man-made can fill. How many years has it been since you felt her hair running through your fingers?

None of that matters. The only thing that makes you happy now is garlic bread. You know it’s bad for your health, and you know it smells like the underpants of a sweaty Gondola rower, but you can’t help yourself.
{{text adventure choice|1|Go to the kitchen and whip up something nice for yourself.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|2|Think about her.}}
}}
<!-- Place article end material here -->
== See also ==
{{Game}}
*[[Garlic]]
*[[Pizza]]
*[[Toast]]
{{UnGames}}
|1 = <!--KITCHEN-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = You go to the kitchen, and turn on the lights. A few roaches scurry into the cracks on the walls. It seems like no one’s cleaned up in weeks. You check the pantry, but all you have is a moldy garlic clove and a stale ritz cracker.
{{text adventure choice|100|Go to the grocery store and get some garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice|200|Find a restaurant that serves garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice|300|Make do with what you have.}}
}}
|2 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--0-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdidntsaveanyone.png
|text = It was a Saturday. You were coming home from work. She was crying, or upset about something. <span style="color:red">I left a letter. You read it. You threw it away.</span> You didn’t care. This is your fault.
{{text adventure choice|1|Let’s just go to the kitchen.}}
{{text adventure choice|3|Think about her again. Can you remember her smile?}}
}}
|3 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--0-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdidntsaveanyone.png
|text = You see twisted metal strewn over the street where she’s bleeding, you see the emergency lights flood the scene like a rave. There she lies, and you know what she’s thinking. They can’t help her, they keep you from trying. But you could’ve stopped this. You’re a monster.

You know why she did it.
{{text adventure choice|1|Go to the kitchen.}}
}} 
|4 = <!--KITCHEN--><!--I should’ve planned the numbers better-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = Well what do you want to do, then? Why are you so indecisive? You know know the consequences. You can’t live with them, can’t you? You’re filth.
{{text adventure choice|100|Go to the grocery store and get some garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice|200|Find a restaurant that serves garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|2|Think about her.}}
}}
|5 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--122-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shesbeautifulshehasyoureyes.png
|text = “She’s beautiful. She has your eyes.” You always had the dreamiest looking pupils. <span style="color:red">I hated looking at you, you always said, “Look at me, look at me.”

I always closed my eyes, but I could still see you. I could still feel your breath on me. I always knew what you ate for breakfast.</span>

“Maybe she’ll grow up to be a marine biologist or something.” What? That’s stupid. You tell her that. 

“You don’t know!”
{{text adventure choice|6|“She’s gonna be pretty like you.”}}
}}
|6 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--122-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shesbeautifulshehasyoureyes.png
|text = “I want to name her after my grandmother. You know she flew bomber planes in the second World War, so she’s got bravery in her genes.”

“Yeah, totally.”

“Whatever, Herr Doktor.”
{{text adventure choice|121|“Oh, shut up.”}}
}}
|7 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Schoolplay.png
|text = She was in a school play, one of those things where the kids dress up as vegetables and tell you to eat them. Gross.

<span style="color:red">I was a Brussels sprout.</span>
{{text adventure choice|8|Think about her.}}
}}
|8 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Schoolplay.png
|text = “This is a waste of time.”

You’re coming to the point in the play where they sing about how eating veggies reduce gastrointestinal problems. “Eat your kale, or your farts will turn stale!”

<span style="color:red">I was a very good Brussels sprout. We didn’t sing that.</span>
{{text adventure choice|9|Think about her.}}
}}
|9 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Schoolplay.png
|text = <span style="color:red">I remembered the lyrics. It went:

Stop touching me. Please go away. All I see is your face, everything smells like you now.

It wasn’t a happy song.</span>
{{text adventure choice|10|Think about her.}}
}}
|10 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Schoolplay.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You remembered not because any of the veggies were Oscar-contenders. This was the day before mom left with all the money. She cried when she saw me on stage, I thought it meant I was good at acting. She looked at me and all she saw were bad decisions. She regretted it, not having a life and all.</span>
{{text adventure choice|11|Think about her.}}
}}
|11 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Schoolplay.png
|text = <span style="color:red">She came back a couple weeks later when she ran out of money. She was crying. She said she was sorry. She didn’t mean to hurt anyone. You smacked her around a lot.

I don’t know. She wasn’t gone that long, but I keep thinking to it. I think that’s why she ignored what you did. 

You would think dancing around dressed up like a vegetable should’ve reminded her that I loved her and she loved me but she cried instead.</span>
{{text adventure choice|1101|You had her hair.}}
}}
|12 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1142-->
{{text adventure
|image = Nighttelevision.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You never let me go outside and do normal things normal people do. I was really into photography.</span>

You said, “God, that’s what they all say.”

<span style="color:red">I wanted to take pictures of animals, I wanted to try out for the lacrosse team. The rules are different for girls.</span>
{{text adventure choice|13|Think about her.}}
}}
|13 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1142-->
{{text adventure
|image = Nighttelevision.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You made me sit in the couch and watch the TV next to you. You watched for hours. The couch was peeling fake leather, and I swear I felt rough little bugs hiding in the cushions, biting my legs.</span>

<span style="color:red">I’d sit paralyzed, wishing I could jump out a window and melt into fog. Sometimes you’d hold me by my armpits and say I looked beautiful, that I had the sweetest hair.</span>
{{text adventure choice|14|Think about her.}}
}}
|14 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--1142-->
{{text adventure
|image = Nighttelevision.png
|text = <span style="color:red">I had the wildest imagination. I closed my eyes and dreamed that I was boating in the amazon, like that documentary I watched the one time, or that I made it to state and lost by two points but learned the value of friendship.</span>
{{text adventure choice|1143|You’re depressing.}}
}}
|15 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">This was after mom died. School let me stay at home. I slept in mostly. I really wanted to be left alone.</span>
{{text adventure choice|16|“You weren’t the only one who was hurt.”}}
}}
|16 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">Oh fuck you.</span>
{{text adventure choice|17|“You could never understand.”}}
}}
|17 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">I saw her dead and I had to call since you were out doing God knows what. I froze, and I think I’m still frozen, because part of me still exists before she died, and when I try to move I end up leaving more parts of me behind and the more I try to move the less I am.</span>
{{text adventure choice|18|Think about her.}}
}}
|18 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">All I wanted to do was stay still and hide. I could still see her hanging there, and every time I tried to remember mom and I happy I saw her there, so that the memory of her alive and her dead fell apart and came back together and mixed so well that they could only be remembered together.</span>
{{text adventure choice|19|Think about her.}}
}}
|19 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You went to my room and crawled up the bed. I didn’t want you there. You were running my hair through your fingers, and you said,</span>

“Some people, they’re born with sadness and all their life they carry it. And sometimes there’s so much of it they can’t hold it any longer. Your mother, that moment she just wasn’t strong enough.”
{{text adventure choice|20|“I was trying to help.”}}
}}
|20 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2121-->
{{text adventure
|image = Asleepatnight.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You’re so full of shit.</span>
{{text adventure choice|2122|“I’m doing what I can.”}}
}}
|21 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2160-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dingybathroom.png
|text = <span style="color:red">Go away. Go away. Go away.</span>

<span style="color:red">You hit the door real hard. I shuddered every time the door shook.</span>
{{text adventure choice|22|I want to help you, I want to fucking help you.}}
}}
|22 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2160-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dingybathroom.png
|text = <span style="color:red">I was so alone. I have nothing. I have nobody. I was just there inside my head trying to keep myself alive. You were always there. You kept saying that you cared, and whether you did or not I knew it didn’t matter. It didn’t fucking matter.</span>
{{text adventure choice|23|You know I love you.}}
}}
|23 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2160-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dingybathroom.png
|text = <span style="color:red">I don’t care. I don’t care. I’m going to keep saying that till it means something, but God it’s worse than not caring. You were worse than not caring. I’m scared. I don’t know why you’d say that, I don’t know why you’d think that when you hurt me, you’d kill me on the inside and love is supposed to fucking fix that? I hate you, and I hate you because that hate’s a part of me, and I’ll hate because it’s the only thing I can feel If I can’t feel scared. You took that from me.</span>
{{text adventure choice|24|You’re my little girl, that’s why.}}
}}
|24 = <!--THINK ABOUT HER--><!--2160-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dingybathroom.png
|text = <span style="color:red">You were waiting for me on the other side of the door.</span>
{{text adventure choice|2161|...}}
}}
|100 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Gettinggroceries.png
|text = You bike to the local grocery store. Endless rows of prepared cheese product and prepared ham product and prepared food things line the endless shelves and the endless aisles, all packaged and plastic. Seeing all the culinary possibilities laid out in front of you, doesn’t it give you hope? No?

You look for garlic bread. You don’t want anything else. But which aisle?
{{text adventure choice|101|Aisle 12: Italian food.}}
{{text adventure choice|102|Aisle 37: Bread and other bread-related items.}}
{{text adventure choice|103|Aisle 103: Fancy cheeses.}}
{{text adventure choice|104|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
}}
|101 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Italianfoodaisle.png
|text = You look everywhere for some bread with garlic in it, under the mistaken belief that garlic bread is Italian or at least vaguely European. Do you know garlic bread was actually invented in Maryland?

But this isn’t the Maryland aisle. You couldn’t find anything.
{{text adventure choice|102|Aisle 37: Bread and other bread-related items.}}
{{text adventure choice|103|Aisle 103: Fancy cheeses.}}
{{text adventure choice|104|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
}}
|102 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Breadaisle.png
|text = Unsurprisingly, you find a lot of bread. You see some whole wheat bread, sourdough bread, you even find some flour. You see a baguette. There’s no garlic in it, though, which is disappointing. But carbs are carbs. That’s what the book says.

There’s people staring. God, get them to stop.
{{text adventure choice|105|Get the baguette and go to the checkout counter.}}
{{text adventure choice|101|Aisle 12: Italian food.}}
{{text adventure choice|103|Aisle 103: Fancy cheeses.}}
{{text adventure choice|104|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
}}
|103 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE--><!--GO TO 2100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Cheeseaisle.png
|text = You go to the cheese aisle. There’s cheese. Shredded cheese. Cheese slices aren’t real cheese. It took $12 million for the FDA to look the other way when Satan invented cheese slices.
{{text adventure choice|2100|Get some shredded mozzarella.}}
{{text adventure choice|101|Aisle 12: Italian food.}}
{{text adventure choice|102|Aisle 37: Bread and other bread-related items.}}
{{text adventure choice|104|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
}}
|104 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD--><!--GO TO 1100-->
{{text adventure
|image = Frozenfoodaisle.png
|text = You go to the frozen foods section of the grocery store. There’s a frozen pizza section, a frozen soup section, a frozen bread section, even a little corner where they sell refrigerated televisions. What are you doing here looking for garlic bread? You think they’d freeze garlic bread and sell it to people?
{{text adventure choice|1100|They absolutely would freeze garlic bread and sell it to people.}}
{{text adventure choice|102|Be reasonable, go to the bread aisle.}}
{{text adventure choice|103|Maybe I should get some cheese first.}}
}}
|105 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You go to the checkout counter. A bored teenager rings up the baguette.

“That’ll be $2.49,” she says. She stares at her phone, thumbing through funny GIFS.
{{text adventure choice|106|Use your credit card.}}
{{text adventure choice|110|Sneak away with your ill-gotten baguette.}}
}}
|106 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You swipe the credit card. She looks upset.

You swipe again. “That won’t do anything,” she says. “Uh, it says PLEASE SEE CASHIER, which means you have no fucking money.”

Wow, what a loser.
{{text adventure choice|107|Use your debit card.}}
{{text adventure choice|110|Sneak away with your ill-gotten baguette.}}
}}
|107 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You swipe the debit card. She looks upset. 

You swipe again. “That still won’t do anything,” she says. “Uh, the machine says you have no fucking money. It also says, ‘Get a job, stop disappointing your family.‘ Wasn’t me.”

<span style="color:red">Wow, you’re still a loser.</span> “Yeah, totally,” says the cashier.
{{text adventure choice|120|Throw a wad of sticky cash at her face.}}
{{text adventure choice|110|Run away with the baguette.}}
}}
|110 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: POLICE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = You run out the store with your ill-gotten baguette. A police officer accosts you. “No, I’m not an art student. This is a police hat. You’re under arrest for stealing the common people’s baguette. I want to go home.”
{{text adventure choice|111|Go to jail for this relatively minor crime.}}
{{text adventure choice|113|FUCK THE POLICE.}}
}}
|111 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: ARRESTED FOR STEALING A BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = “Oh, ok. Just follow me to the station. I don’t have a car or anything, they just hired me for my hat.”
{{text adventure choice|112|Accept the consequences of your actions.}}
}}
|112 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: ARRESTED FOR STEALING A BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Jailcell_bw.png
|text = You follow the police person to the station, and they throw you into a jail cell for stealing a baguette. Honestly it was only $2.49. It wasn’t really worth it.

Sitting in a cell should give you some time to rethink your life. Maybe do things differently, make something of yourself. You’ll never forgive yourself, though. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|113 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = “It’s been a long time since anyone’s shown me any affection. I know we just met, and I’m supposed to arrest you for stealing a baguette, but I feel like we have something, You know? A connection. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
{{text adventure choice|114|“I understand completely, I want to be with you”}}
{{text adventure choice|114|“I can feel it too, I love you.”}}
{{text adventure choice|114|“You and I should spend some time getting to know each other better.”}}
}}
|114 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You go home with the mall cop, and you feel this sudden yearning to connect with someone as lonely as you are. You know it won’t mean a thing, but you want to feel anything, even if it’s the feeling of a copper’s baton up your holes.

“I know you understand what I’m going through,” he says.
{{text adventure choice|115|Make sweet love with the mall cop.}}
{{text adventure choice|115|Make passionate love with the mall cop.}}
}}
|115 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Mallcoplove.png
|text = You make sweet and passionate love. The pain and hurt and guilt fade away, even for just a few minutes, as the copper’s deft fingers rub your clavicle. You wake up, you feel for the copper’s lanky shoulders, but he’s gone. Alone again. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|120 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You throw thirteen dollars worth of crumpled bills at her face. A ten dollar bill falls on the ground on the other side checkout aisle. She catches it with her foot. She’s not gonna give it back.

“Fifty-one cents is your change,” she says, she gives you two quarters. The penny lands on the crusty floor.
{{text adventure choice|121|Go home.}}
{{text adventure choice|122|“Give me back my money, bitch.”}}
}}
|121 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You return to your lonely apartment with the baguette. It’s turned dry and stale from exposure. The roaches inside the walls wait patiently for the chance to nibble at some stale bread. Are you going to let them take what’s yours?
{{text adventure choice|124|Eat it right away.}}
{{text adventure choice|130|Bake it.}}
{{text adventure choice|123|Throw it away.}}
}}
|122 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = She looks upset, but still very apathetic about everything. “Well fuck you too, asshole.”
{{text adventure choice|121|Just go home.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|5|Think about her.}}
}}
|123 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = Then what was the point of all this? Why would you waste your time and money? It’s because you make bad decisions, that’s why. 

You can’t live up to the consequences. Shithead. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|124 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = You bite into the baguette. There’s no garlic in it. You feel a profound sense of disappointment, made worse by the fact that you expected the disappointment.
{{text adventure choice|125|Bite into it again.}}
}}
|125 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = You bite into it again. This is a big baguette, you could save the rest of it for later. No? You want to eat it all?
{{text adventure choice|126|Yes, I have no self-control, let me eat this baguette.}}
}}
|126 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = You bite into it again. Half of it is now inside you. Why are you doing this to yourself? You’ve felt nothing but discomfort and disappointment. Doing this won’t change anything.
{{text adventure choice|127|Eat eat eat.}}
}}
|127 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = What is a man, if his chief good and market of his time be but to sleep and feed? A beast, no more.
{{text adventure choice|128|Food eat eat.}}
}}
|128 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = You’ve done it. You ate an entire baguette. Wow. You should be proud of yourself.
{{text adventure choice|129|Eat more.}}
}}
|129 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: I CAN’T CONTROL MYSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = You try eating the kitchen table. You lose a few teeth in the process. It doesn’t work. Your mouth isn’t wide enough to fit your sickening appetite. Selfish. That’s what you are. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|130 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = Okay, you want to play chef. Pretentious. I mean, it’s already baked, but whatever. Your life. Your decisions. How long do you bake it?
{{text adventure choice|131|I like my bread warm and fluffy, like a freshly smushed rabbit.}}
{{text adventure choice|133|I like my bread crispy and inviting, if bread can be inviting.}}
}}
|131 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Closedoven.png
|text = You put it in the oven. You wait a little while. You can’t wait for your warm and fluffy baguette.
{{text adventure choice|132|Take it out of the oven.}}
}}
|132 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Stalebaguette.png
|text = Wow. It’s kinda warm now. There’s no difference in taste though. You accomplished nothing. 
{{text adventure choice|133|Bake it some more.}}
{{text adventure choice|124|Eat it.}}
}}
|133 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You put it in the oven. Why do you still expect good things to happen? You should learn to live with disappointment.
{{text adventure choice|134|Take it out of the oven.}}
}}
|134 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Burntbread.png
|text = Now it’s burnt. What did you expect?
{{text adventure choice|135|Eat it.}}
{{text adventure choice|140|Bake it some more.}}
}}
|135 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: BURNT-->
{{text adventure
|image = Burntbread.png
|text = You bite into the burnt bread. It tastes like shit. All that effort for nothing. 

You’ll probably die of cancer twenty years down the line because of all the carcinogens stuck in your tastebuds. You should write a letter to all your loved ones and bid them farewell.

Oh, wait, you’re all alone! Hah! '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|140 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You bake it even more. Some part of your brain must have fallen off or dried up from under use. You should probably stop baking.
{{text adventure choice|141|I want to bake some more. I’m a chef.}}
{{text adventure choice|141|Baking is therapeutic.}}
}}
|141 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You bake it even more. Please stop. Your apartment’s hotter than a Norweigan sauna.
{{text adventure choice|142|I want to bake some more. I’m doing what’s right.}}
}}
|142 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You bake it even more. Why?
{{text adventure choice|143|Baking is good for the soul.}}
}}
|143 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchenonfire.png
|text = You bake even more. Your kitchen is on fire. The oven is less an oven and more a molten lump of burnt plastic and burning metal. The baguette has ceased to exist.
{{text adventure choice|144|If you don’t like the heat, stay out of the kitchen.}}
}}
|144 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Apartmentonfire.png
|text = That doesn’t make any sense. Everything is on fire now. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted?
{{text adventure choice|145|I can’t feel my eyes, but I’m still baking.}}
}}
|145 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Apartmentonfire.png
|text = You died from the smoke getting to your lungs. Your skin turns a vibrant shade of dark red, crispy like an exotic Puerto Rican ''lechon''. You should have seen this coming.
{{text adventure choice|146|Bake some more.}}
}}
|146 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Apartmentonfire.png
|text = Just stop.
{{text adventure choice|147|Bake even more.}}
}}
|147 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: BAGUETTE: HOUSE FIRE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Apartmentonfire.png
|text = This won’t repay what you’ve done. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|200 = <!--[ROUTE] RESTAURANT-->
{{text adventure
|image = Potholeroad.png
|text = You head outside. You cough into your sleeve. The afternoon air feels hazy and taut like a fart-filled broom closet. There must be some place in this dump that serves garlic bread.

A truck zooms past you and splashes some oil-slick puddle water on your pants.
{{text adventure choice|220|Go to Cazzi Merda’s, the best Italian joint within walking distance.}}
{{text adventure choice|201|Go to WcDonald’s, home of the Big Wac.}}
}}
|201 = <!--[ROUTE] RESTAURANT: WCDONALDS-->
{{text adventure
|image = WcDonalds.png
|text = You head to your local WcDonald’s. In 2009, two of the M’s were inappropriately disoriented during a routine letter M re-greasing. The locals call it WcDonald’s because they think it’s cute.

It’s not cute, it’s fucking atrocious.
{{text adventure choice|202|Head inside.}}
}}
|202 = <!--[ROUTE] RESTAURANT: WCDONALDS-->
{{text adventure
|image = WcDonalds.png
|text = Sadly, this restaurant is closed. No one bothered to write this route...
{{text adventure choice|4|Return to your place.}}
}}
|220 = <!--[ROUTE] RESTAURANT: CAZZIMERDA-->
{{text adventure
|image = Potholeroad.png
|text = Sadly, this restaurant is closed. No one bothered to write this route...
{{text adventure choice|4|Return to your place.}}
}}
|300 = <!--[ROUTE] PATHETIC-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = You take the garlic clove and place it over the cracker. You look at it. It looks at you back. It says something to you: “I know who you are.” You know it’s right.
{{text adventure choice|301|Eat it right now.}}
{{text adventure choice|302|Oven bake it.}}
{{text adventure choice|4|Reconsider your choices, like a good person would.}}
}}
|301 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC ROUTE: LEAST POSSIBLE EFFORT-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = Oh, okay. Now I understand. You take a bite out of the garlic clove, the cracker falls on the floor. You feel sick to your stomach, there was probably a worm in there. 

Yep, there’s a worm. You can feel it burrowing inside your digestive tract. This feels way too intimate, you’ve only just met the worm a few seconds ago. Your mother would be ashamed.

You’re proud of doing as little as possible to get what you want. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|302 = <!--[ROUTE] PATHETIC-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You place it in the oven. How long do you want to wait for disappointment?
{{text adventure choice|303|10 minutes.}}
{{text adventure choice|303|20 minutes.}}
{{text adventure choice|303|30 minutes.}}
}}
|303 = <!--[ROUTE] PATHETIC-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchenonfire.png
|text = You fall asleep, and you wake up to find your entire house on fire! The exit is blocked by a burning couch. You can smell your cat barbecuing in the living room. Seems like it’s the end of the line.
{{text adventure choice|310|Run towards the exit, hopefully you’ll escape with just some minor burns.}}
{{text adventure choice|320|Hide under a table, the fire should dissipate by the time help gets to you.}}
}}
|310 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC: DIED IN A FIRE: TRIED TO ESCAPE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “This is what’s left of them from the fire. Or maybe it’s a chair. Either way, you should get the remains to their family.”
{{text adventure choice|311|“It says here they have no family, no next of kin, nothing.”}}
}}
|311 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC ROUTE: DIED IN A FIRE: TRIED TO ESCAPE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “Oh, I forgot. LOL. Lab guys say he tripped on an ottoman and fell headfirst onto a glass coffee table, shards in the eyes and mouth, died horrifically. Would’ve lived otherwise.”
{{text adventure choice|312|“Man, what a complete idiot.”}}
}}
|312 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC: DIED IN A FIRE: TRIED TO ESCAPE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “Yeah, totally. Just throw them in the dumpster out back. No use for anything else.” '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|320 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC: DIED IN A FIRE (HID UNDER A TABLE)-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “I think this is what’s left of them from the fire. Or maybe it’s a chair. Either way, you should get the remains to their family.”
{{text adventure choice|321|“It says here they have no family, no next of kin, nothing.”}}
}}
|321 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC: DIED IN A FIRE (HID UNDER A TABLE)-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “Oh, I forgot, LOL. Lab guys say he hid under a table, roof was on fire and collapsed, died in tremendous pain. Could’ve just escaped through the window.”
{{text adventure choice|322|“Man, what a moron.”}}
}}
|322 = <!--[ENDING] PATHETIC: DIED IN A FIRE (HID UNDER A TABLE)-->
{{text adventure
|image = Youdiedinafire.png
|text = “Yeah, totally. Just throw them in the dumpster out back. No use for anything else.” '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1100 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Frozenfoodaisle.png
|text = You’re right. They would freeze garlic bread and sell it to people. They sell it to people like you who can’t be bothered to cook or do anything worthwhile with their lives.

You go to the frozen bread section and find some frozen garlic bread. You’ll have to bake it later when you get home. You feel a little happier.
{{text adventure choice|1101|Hold the frozen garlic bread in your hands.}}
{{text adventure choice|1102|Lick the frozen garlic bread, it will imbue you with its powers.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|7|Think about her.}}
}}
|1101 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Iamfulfilled.png
|text = You hold the frozen garlic bread in your wrinkly hands, and despite being frozen and still in its plastic it’s got the familiar sliminess and garlic stench you can’t resist. It’s your element.
{{text adventure choice|1110|Go to the checkout counter with your garlic bread, you are fulfilled.}}
}}
|1102 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadlick.png
|text = You can’t help but take a lick of the frozen bread stick, you’re such a glutton. You can’t help but violate everything you touch. Other store patrons look on with confusion and fear, and they politely avoid you. 

You start to fellate the bread with a passion unseen in years. Your freakish tongue swirls around the garlic bread, hard and unyielding like the shaft of stern lover who cares more for his pleasure than yours.
{{text adventure choice|1110|Go to the checkout counter, you’ve done enough already.}}
{{text adventure choice|1103|Stick it in your ass, you should totally do this.}}
}}
|1103 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadlick.png
|text = Your bravery will be remembered. 

You stick the frozen garlic bread up your wanting pucker, and with a pained and ecstatic groan it goes up your ass. 

Your ugly dingus peaks up from the simulation. By now someone has dialed 911. Mothers shield the eyes of their young children. The janitors leave early, they don’t want to clean up the fluids.
{{text adventure choice|1105|Stick it all the way in!}}
{{text adventure choice|1104|Go to the checkout counter with your bread.}}
}}
|1104 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadlick.png
|text = You made your choice.
{{text adventure choice|1105|Accept the consequences of your actions.}}
}}
|1105 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice2.png
|text = You stick the frozen garlic bread all the way in, and waves of sickening pleasure rush up from your gaping pooper into your turgid pecker.

A police officer accosts you, he says, “Please stop doing that. You’re corrupting the moral fiber of this grocery store. You’ve stolen the innocence of at least four children. I’m gonna have to take you to the station.”
{{text adventure choice|1106|Fight back.}}
{{text adventure choice|1108|Turn yourself in.}}
}}
|1106 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY: SUICIDE BY COP-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice2.png
|text = You squat over the floor tiles and prepare. The police officer wears an expression of sadness and disgust, as usual. You manage to shit out most of the garlic bread, and you yank the garlic bread from your butthole’s grip. 

It’s still cold and caked in crap. You wield the baguette like a bludgeon and you swing it at the cop. You smear the officer with your fluids, but not before he shoots you twenty-three times in self defense.

“Oh, shit, my bad,” he says.
{{text adventure choice|1107|Bleed out.}}
}}
|1107 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY: SUICIDE BY COP-->
{{text adventure
|image = Textadventureimageblack.png
|text = You collapse on the floor, riddled with lead. You think back to all those moments in the past, and how little they mean now. This is what years of living has amounted to. What was the point of all this? '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1108 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY: PRISON-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice2.png
|text = “Wow, you’re actually complying. Usually I just start shooting when things get sour. Follow me, I don’t actually have a car.”
{{text adventure choice|1109|Accept the consequences of your actions.}}
}}
|1109 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ASSPLAY: PRISON-->
{{text adventure
|image = Jailcell_bw.png
|text = You plea guilty to sticking frozen garlic bread up your shitter, among other things. You’ll be stuck here for awhile. Your cellmate says, “What’re you in for? I raped and murdered a small cow.”

You don’t want to answer.
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1110 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You go to the checkout counter with your garlic bread. You hold it by your side like a lover on a cruise ship. The cashier is unimpressed. She grabs her phone and takes a picture of herself and you with your item. She grins like a chimpanzee.

''guy buying garlic bread alone lol'' she types with her thumbs. Her smile disappears.

She scans the bread and bags it. “That’ll be $1.97,” she says.
{{text adventure choice|1120|Use your credit card.}}
{{text adventure choice|1111|Sneak away with your ill-gotten goods.}}
}}
|1111 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: POLICE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = You run out the store with your ill-gotten garlic bread. A police officer accosts you. “No, I’m not an art student. This is a police hat. I’m gonna have to arrest you for this relatively minor offence.”
{{text adventure choice|1112|Go to jail for this relatively minor crime.}}
{{text adventure choice|1114|FUCK THE POLICE.}}
}}
|1112 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: POLICE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = “Oh, ok. Just follow me to the station. I don’t have a car or anything, they just hired me for my hat.”
{{text adventure choice|1113|Accept the consequences of your actions.}}
}}
|1113 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: ARRESTED FOR STEALING GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Jailcell_bw.png
|text = You follow the police person to the station, and they throw you into a jail cell for stealing some garlic bread. Honestly it was only $1.97. It wasn’t really worth it.

Sitting in a cell should give you some time to rethink your life. You think what you could’ve done differently, maybe you could’ve gotten some garlic bread out of this. Too late for that now. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1114 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Grocerypolice.png
|text = “It’s been a long time since anyone’s shown me any affection. I know we just met, and I’m supposed to arrest you for stealing garlic bread, like I’m Javert or something, but I feel like we have something, You know? A connection. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
{{text adventure choice|1115|“I understand completely, I want to be with you”}}
{{text adventure choice|1115|“I can feel it too, I love you.”}}
{{text adventure choice|1115|“You and I should spend some time getting to know each other better.”}}
}}
|1115 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You go home with the mall cop, and you feel this sudden yearning to connect with someone as lonely as you are. You know it won’t mean a thing, but you want to feel anything, even if it’s the feeling of a copper’s baton up your holes.

“I know you understand what I’m going through,” he says.
{{text adventure choice|1116|Make love all night with the mall cop.}}
}}
|1116 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: FELL IN LOVE WITH A COPPER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Mallcoplove.png
|text = You make sweet and passionate love. The pain and hurt and guilt fade away, even for just a few minutes, as the copper’s deft fingers rub your clavicle. You wake up, all your holes sore from hours of pleasure.

You feel for the copper’s lanky shoulders, but he’s gone. Alone again. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1120 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You swipe your credit card. The machine beeps angrily, announcing your financial insolvency to the whole store.

“Sorry, these are cutting-edge thingamabobs. They do that,” she says. “It says, 'NOT APPROVED, PLEASE SEE CASHIER'. That means you have no fucking money.”

You have no fucking money.
{{text adventure choice|1121|Use your debit card.}}
{{text adventure choice|1111|Sneak away with your ill-gotten goods.}}
}}
|1121 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You swipe your debit card. The machine beeps again, it’s disappointed in you. You swipe again, hopeful that a magic fairy has added $1.97 into your account.

“That won’t do anything. Don’t you have any cash?” she says.
{{text adventure choice|1122|Pay with cash.}}
{{text adventure choice|1111|Five-finger discount motherfucker.}}
}}
|1122 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You hand her two dollars. She gives you three cents in change.

“Now was that so hard? You could’ve done that earlier.”
{{text adventure choice|1124|Head home, your garlic bread awaits.}}
{{text adventure choice|1123|“Why you got to be so disrespectful, you bitch?”}}
}}
|1123 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = She looks upset, but in an apathetic way.

“If you wanted enthusiasm they should’ve paid me more, you fucking capitalist. Go fuck yourself.” Typical millenial, ''she should get a job instead of working retail'' you think to yourself.
{{text adventure choice|1124|Head home.}}
}}
|1124 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Bikerack.png
|text = Shit. Someone must’ve stolen your bike while you were inside. You don’t have any money left for the bus fare. You’re gonna be walking the rest of the way. You could use the exercise anyway.
{{text adventure choice|1125|Walk home.}}
}}
|1125 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley.png
|text = You take the usual shortcut through a dark and dank alley, careful to avoid the blanket piles of homeless vagrants lined up beside the walls. A gauntlet of poor soldiers, holding out cans and shaking them for change.

You don’t look at them. No need for a conscience when you have garlic bread. You feel someone tap you on the shoulder.
{{text adventure choice|1126|Look behind you.}}
}}
|1126 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = It’s a hobo. His breath smells like White Zinfandel. His clothes smell like Red Zinfandel.

“Hey, you mind giving me some of your garlic bread? I haven’t eaten in a week.”
{{text adventure choice|1127|“Shit’s frozen, bra”}}
{{text adventure choice|1140|Punch him in the goddamn throat.}}
}}
|1127 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = “No, I don’t mind. I’ll toast it over a burn barrel.” He’s salivating now. Drool drips from the corners of his parched mouth.

He’s eyeing your prize. Are you gonna let him take what’s yours?
{{text adventure choice|1128|Politely decline.}}
{{text adventure choice|1130|It’s just garlic bread, give it to him.}}
{{text adventure choice|1140|Punch him in the goddamn throat.}}
}}
|1128 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = “Ah, shit, I’m fucking starving man.” 

You feel sad for the hobo, but you know deep down that no one’s suffering should get in the way of your pleasure. This garlic bread is yours, not his. You worked hard for that unemployment check. If he wants something to eat it’s his money he should be using, not yours. Lazy good for nothing welfare leech. 
{{text adventure choice|1129|“Yeah, I don’t really give a shit.”}}
{{text adventure choice|1130|Give him the garlic bread anyway.}}
{{text adventure choice|1140|Punch him in the goddamn throat.}}
}}
|1129 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = “Well fuck you then!” The hobo gut-punches you hard and snatches the bread from your hands. He’s making his escape. You better run after him if you want this homeless asshole going to sleep hungry.
{{text adventure choice|1133|Run after him.}}
{{text adventure choice|1131|Give up.}}
}}
|1130 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: YOU MADE A HOBO HAPPY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = “God bless you, kind soul, my seven ailing sons won’t go to bed hungry,” says the hobo. 

You swear you see his tired eyes shine with a little hope, which makes no sense since eyes don’t work that way. You’ve sated your conscience for a little while, and given yourself some allowance to do a little bad later on. You must feel great.
{{text adventure choice|1131|Feel good about yourself.}}
}}
|1131 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: YOU MADE A HOBO HAPPY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoborunsaway.png
|text = You see him run off with your garlic bread, his raggedy silhouette fades into the dark.

Now you have nothing to eat. You just realized that now, you idiot?
{{text adventure choice|1132|Shit.}}
}}
|1132 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: YOU MADE A HOBO HAPPY-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley.png
|text = You had it in your hands. You let him take it from you, you worthless shit. It says Garlic Bread in the header, what the fuck did you think you were supposed to do? '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1133 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoborunsaway.png
|text = You see him fading into the distance. You chase after the thieving hobo, but your legs are weighed down by years of unhealthy snacking.
{{text adventure choice|1134|Once more into the fray.}}
{{text adventure choice|1131|Give up.}} 
}}
|1134 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = Your heart is racing, you’re on the verge of collapsing from exhaust but your DETERMINATION keeps you on your feet. The hobo trips on a rock. He gets back up, but not before you’ve caught up with him. He’s the only thing standing in the way of your garlic bread. You see his ugly sneer, the way his yellowish teeth shine in the moonlight.

His eyes are bloodshot red. He wants what’s yours, but you know he’s not worthy. You’re ready to fight. You’re ready to die tonight.
{{text adventure choice|1140|Hobo fight!}}
{{text adventure choice|1135|What? No I’m not.}}
}}
|1135 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = No one cares what you think. You’re fighting this fucking hobo, you don’t have a choice.
{{text adventure choice|1140|Hobo fight!}}
}}
|1140 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalleyhit.gif
|text = You try to punch him in the goddamn throat, but you miss and his his nose instead.

“What the fuck was that for?” the hobo screams. His nose bleeds profusely.
{{text adventure choice|1141|ATTACK.}}
}}
|1141 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalleyhit.gif
|text = You hit him again. Your fist lands right in his chest. You hear a sickening crunch, like bugs stomped to death by a troubled schoolchild. He gasps in pain and tries to kick you back. He misses!

His health is critical. Stupid hobo.
{{text adventure choice|1142|FINISH IT.}}
}}
|1142 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Deadhobo.png
|text = You take the frozen, rock hard stick of garlic bread and bash it over the hobo’s head. He lies cold on the alley floor, yellowed teeth scattered on the ground. A red puddle grows around him.

His last words, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.”
{{text adventure choice|1143|Head home.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|12|Think about her.}}
}}
|1143 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You return home, filled with machismo and general self-pride. God, nothing gets the blood pumping like needless violence.

You feel alive, like James Bond after strangling the bastard Frenchie who iced his girl fifteen scenes ago. 
{{text adventure choice|1144|Eat your garlic bread, you earned it.}}
{{text adventure choice|1150|Pre-heat your oven like a little bitch.}}
}}
|1144 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = Shits frozen bra.
{{text adventure choice|1145|I don’t give a fuck, you don’t own me.}}
}}
|1145 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: CHOKE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = Whatever. You bite into the frozen stick of greasy bread. The garlic paste is still ice-cold, it feels like frozen bacon lard. Your gums are starting to cry.
{{text adventure choice|1146|Go all the way.}}
}}
|1146 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: CHOKE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Breadchoke.png
|text = You shove the whole thing down your throat. You suppress your gag reflex with zenlike concentration. Your larynx is completely torn, you start to gag blood and spit and puke.
{{text adventure choice|1147|Shit, I can’t breathe I can’t breathe.}}
}}
|1147 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: CHOKE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Breadchoke.png
|text = <span style="color:red">See how you like it.</span>

You try breathing through your nose, but your nostrils are completely stuffed. Shit. Should’ve bought some vapor rubs. You can’t pull it out of your throat, it’s in too deep, like Neo after taking the red pill.

Maybe you can try jerking off? That’s easier to explain.
{{text adventure choice|1148|Choke to death.}}
}}
|1148 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: CHOKE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Breadchoke.png
|text = Yeah, you like that. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|1150 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You preheat the oven and pop the bread in. “I wish they made toasters bigger,” you say to yourself like a fucking idiot.
{{text adventure choice|1151|Follow the instructions to the letter.}}
{{text adventure choice|1160|Que sera sera, it’s just bread.}}
}}
|1151 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Burntbread.png
|text = Shit, it’s burnt.

You did everything the bread packaging told you to. Your faith in the miracle of consumer capitalism is shaken.
{{text adventure choice|140|Bake it some more.}}
{{text adventure choice|135|Eat it.}}
}}
|1160 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You might as well wait. Waiting is boring. People who say patience is a virtue probably have something to look forward to.

You’re smart. You know you’re just waiting to die.
{{text adventure choice|1161|Stare at the oven.}}
{{text adventure choice|1162|Watch some TV.}}
}}
|1161 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Closedoven.png
|text = <choose>
<option>You look through the oven’s window, waiting for the frozen bread to turn into proper bread. How long is this gonna take?</option>
<option>You watch the garlic bread bake in your oven. Is this gonna take long?</option>
<option>You wait for your garlic bread to cook. Nothing’s happening. Do you put the temperature up? No, it could burn.</option>
<option>Wow, this is taking forever. No wonder it took a hundred thousand years for cavepeople to invent food.</option>
</choose>
{{text adventure choice|1161|Stare at the oven some more.}} <!--NOTE: endless loop-->
{{text adventure choice|1162|Let’s just watch some TV.}}
}}
|1162 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtvoff.png
|text = You sit on your loveseat. You try lying down, but you scrape your heel on a staple jutting out from the foot of one of the couch legs. You yelp. Life is an itch.

Sighing, you turn the TV on.
{{text adventure choice|1163|Watch some news.}}
{{text adventure choice|1164|Watch a movie.}}
}}
|1163 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = “Florida man suffers heart attack after eating seventeen bags of pork rinds,” says the news anchor. “Man, what a fucking idiot.”

“That’s just not right”, you think. “Sounds like something I’d do.”
{{text adventure choice|1165|Garlic bread must be done.}}
}}
|1164 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = You flip the channel and watch a scene of a man making love to a pretty blonde, before he hits her in the head with a hatchet and dumps the body on a pile of the other women he’s loved and then murdered.

“Wow, television’s gone straight to the point,” you think.
{{text adventure choice|1165|Garlic bread must be done.}}
}}
|1165 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD-->
{{text adventure
|image = Closedoven.png
|text = Your mouth waters. Your kitchen smells like the inside of an above average Olive Garden. Things are finally looking up.
{{text adventure choice|1166|I’m ready.}}
}}
|1166 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadslices.png
|text = You take your garlic bread out of the oven. It smells orgasmic. Beats eating the croutons you sneaked out of the Sweet Tomatoes in Sunnyvale. You can’t wait to take a bite out of some delicious, nutritious garlic bread.
{{text adventure choice|1167|Kill yourself.}}
}}
|1167 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadslices.png
|text = “What the hell? I don’t want to die,” you say out loud. “Sometimes I feel down but that doesn’t mean anything. For fucks' sake I waited twelve minutes for the oven, I’m not ready to die.”

I don’t make the choices. You try your best, but you can’t will yourself to stop. You leave your baked goods behind.
{{text adventure choice|1168|Kill yourself.}}
}}
|1168 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittybedroom.png
|text = You head to your room. “Please, stop it. My hands are moving on their own, what the fuck.” Lewd...

You reach for the cocked and loaded gun hidden under your bed. America’s great, isn’t it? 

“No, God, stop it, stop it.” Your hands fidget, but you know you can’t will yourself free from the words on this page.

“I don’t know that. Stop doing whatever it is you’re doing.”
{{text adventure choice|1169|Put it in your mouth.}}
}}
|1169 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittybedroom.png
|text = Really? You know this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You still want to do it?

“Nahhh ah dahnt ah wahna grrrrr.” I didn’t get that.

“Grrrrs ah gahh ih mahhh waaa.” You start crying. <span style="color:red">You can live with it.</span>
{{text adventure choice|1170|The suspense is killing me.}}
}}
|1170 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittybedroom.png
|text = You pull the trigger. Or maybe you push it, I can’t really tell from here.

You expect the nothing that awaits you, that waits for all of us, to consume you, but you hear a loud ''click'' instead. The safety was on.

You throw the gun out the window and sob in the corner. You exaggerate a little to convince yourself you’re not just an unfeeling sociopath.
{{text adventure choice|1171|There’s still garlic bread.}}
}}
|1171 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD: KILL YOURSELF-->
{{text adventure
|image = Garlicbreadwithroaches.png
|text = You come back to the kitchen and find a few roaches scurrying over your garlic bread. Are those eggs? At least they’re happy. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|2100 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Cheeseaisle.png
|text = You grab the shredded cheese. You contemplate getting some flour, herbs and spices and cooking it from scratch, but that’s too much effort.

“I don’t like sucking dick anyway,” you think to yourself. What, cooking is gay now? You bigoted little shit.

“Sorry.” Too late for that now.
{{text adventure choice|2101|Hmmm... cheesy garlic bread.}}
}}
|2101 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = While looking for some garlic bread, you bump into a neighbor of yours. You remember her. You were at her apartment warming. She drank all your wine coolers.

You look at her cart. She’s got Acai berries and wasabi, infant carrots and kale. What a nut.
{{text adventure choice|2110|Say hi.}}
{{text adventure choice|2102|Avoid her.}}
}}
|2102 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = You didn’t come here to talk to people. You run in the opposite direction. She looks confused.
{{text adventure choice|2103|Head to the register.}}
}}
|2103 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You head to the register. Shit! You forgot to get garlic bread. You idiot. Title ain’t “Cheese Adventure.” But you know you can’t leave the line to get it, you’re not that big a dick.

The cashier rings your cheese up. “Six dollars and fourteen cents,” she says.
{{text adventure choice|2104|Use cash, your cards will get declined you’re sure.}}
}}
|2104 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You hand her a ten-dollar bill. “Keep the change,” you say. One mistake after the other. You saved two seconds of time at least.
{{text adventure choice|2105|Go outside, stinky cheeseman.}}
}}
|2105 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Bikerack.png
|text = You see someone about to grab your bike, he’s yanking the zip ties with some pliers. Maybe you should use a lock instead of being so stingy.

The would be bike thief sees you and runs off. That was close. You would’ve lost that fight.
{{text adventure choice|2106|Bike home.}}
}}
|2106 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: CHEESE ALONE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = That was a waste of time. It’s like that song: “I can live on bread and cheese.” Except you have no bread. Nothing else to do.
{{text adventure choice|2107|Eat out of the cheese bag.}}
}}
|2107 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: CHEESE ALONE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = Fatass. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|2110 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “Fancy seeing you here,” she says.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Normally, I don’t shop here, but some guy at Whole Foods sprayed his liquids all over the store. Awful, right?”
{{text adventure choice|2111|“True, but we bumped into each other, that’s good.”}}
}}
|2111 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “Okay... How’ve you been lately? I know things are hard, you know, since the accident...”

“I know, we all hope she pulls through.” <span style="color:red">Don’t lie.</span>

“Yeah, she’s a fighter. I’m trying to stay healthy, so I don’t die of a heart attack or something.”
{{text adventure choice|2112|“Yeah, no one wants to die.”}}
}}
|2112 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. Me and my mouth.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“It’s just that, there’s all this shit food. They got these huge jars filled with cheese curds for $1.99! No wonder we’re getting fat, we, uh, as a society.”
{{text adventure choice|2113|“Yeah. It’s an epidemic.”}}
}}
|2113 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “...And they got ''frozen'' garlic bread, they’re just sponges for grease and oil. I’m telling you, the food industry doesn’t care, they just want you to eat stuff.”

Her angry food talk is making you hungry.
{{text adventure choice|2114|“It’s the system.”}}
}}
|2114 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “Yeah, no one seems to care! Fuck! Jesus. Sorry, I’ve been stressed out ‘cus of work. You understand.”

“Well, I’m unemployed.”

“It’s just, I got a lot on my plate. My mom’s been really sick lately.”
{{text adventure choice|2115|“Oh no.” That didn’t sound sincere.}}
}}
|2115 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “And she said, that if she, you know, passes away I’m gonna have to take care of my little brother. You know Jimmy? He’s a special, special needs kid, he has to be spoonfed.”
{{text adventure choice|2116|“Uh, yeah.”}}
}}
|2116 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “And I love him to death, I love his little dinosaur arms, but I deserve a future, you know? It’s unfair, I’m not a mother. I can’t, you know...” She starts to look sick. “I’m sorry, I’ve been complaining all day.”

“I understand.” You really don’t, but that’s what you’re supposed to say in these situations, you think. That got dark real fast.
{{text adventure choice|2117|Awkward silence.}}
}}
|2117 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Groceryneighbors.png
|text = “I really should be going,” you say. “I got to get stuff, I’m a vegetable person.” Shit, her brother’s a vegetable person.

“Oh, okay,” she says. She picks a pomegranate from a pomegranate stall. She looks at it the way you’d look at a fresh afterbirth.
{{text adventure choice|2118|Leave.}}
}}
|2118 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Gettinggroceries.png
|text = That physically hurt.

The conversation wasn’t a complete waste of time. You found out that your garlic bread is in the frozen food section.
{{text adventure choice|2120|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
{{text adventure choice|2119|Aisle 37: Bread and other bread-related items.}}
}}
|2119 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Breadaisle.png
|text = You stupid.

Really? You just like clicking things.
{{text adventure choice|2120|Aisle 200: Frozen stuff.}}
}}
|2120 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Frozenfoodaisle.png
|text = You go to the frozen food aisle and find some garlic bread. You think of the cheesy garlic bread you’re sure you’ll eat in the near future, and find some contentment from that expectation.
{{text adventure choice|2121|Hold it in your hands.}}
{{text adventure choice|1103|Stick it up your ass.}}
}}
|2121 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Iamfulfilled.png
|text = You hold the frozen garlic bread and take a long, satisfying whiff of its garlic slimy stench. Add some melted cheese to that and it’ll tempt even the most devout Chinaman.
{{text adventure choice|2122|Go to the checkout counter, you are fulfilled.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|15|Think about her.}}
}}
|2122 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You wait in line at the checkout counter. The other shoppers see you giddy with excitement, and one by one they leave your line for other, longer, but safer lines.

The cashier rings your cheese and garlic bread up. “That’ll be $5.47,” she says.
{{text adventure choice|2123|Swipe your debit card.}}
{{text adventure choice|1111|Run to the exit without paying.}}
}}
|2123 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You swipe the debit card.

“Sorry,” the cashier says, “You have to use the Chip reader.” Kids these days, always wanting you to use the chip reader.
{{text adventure choice|2124|Put the card on the Chip reader.}}
}}
|2124 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You place your card on the Chip reader slot on the bottom of the thingy and then pull it immediately.

“No, you fucking idiot, you keep it in there till the thing tells you not to. Fucking old people.”
{{text adventure choice|2125|Put the card on the Chip reader again.}}
}}
|2125 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You do the Chip thing again, and wait until the display on the thingy says ''APPROVED'', but it doesn’t say ''APPROVED''.

“Uh, it says insufficient funds, which means—”

“I know what it means,” you say.
{{text adventure choice|2126|Pay with cash.}}
}}
|2126 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Checkoutcounter.png
|text = You hand her a ten-dollar bill. She gives you whatever change that would entail, I’m not a mathematician. Your frustration quickly subsides when you see your garlic bread and cheese in your plastic bag.
{{text adventure choice|2127|Head home.}}
}}
|2127 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Bikerack.png
|text = Shit. Someone stole your bike. They left a note. It says:
<poem>
I have stolen 
the bike 
that was in 
the bikerack

and which 
you were probably 
saving 
for travel 

Forgive me 
it was shiny
so brilliant
and so cold
</poem>
{{text adventure choice|2130|Head home.}}
}}
|2130 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley.png
|text = Left without a bicycle, you walk through the lonely, trash strewn streets and find yourself in a dank alley. It smells like piss. You’ve biked here before, but walking here feels different.

You keep your eyes focused on the road ahead. You keep yourself from looking at the hobos leaning against the walls they call their home, their hands outstretched waiting to be filled.

You’re not in a generous mood. Someone taps you on the shoulder.
{{text adventure choice|2131|Look behind you.}}
}}
|2131 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = It’s a hobo. His breath smells like two buck chuck. His clothes smell like his breath.

“Man, I’m really, really hungry, I haven’t got a bite to eat since last Tuesday. You mind giving me something from your bag?”
{{text adventure choice|2140|“Fuck you, I got mine.”}}
{{text adventure choice|2132|Offer him some food.}}
}}
|2132 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = You know, if you give hobos food and water that just enables them, right? That means they’ll want some more food and water pretty soon. Hell, they might even demand shelter. And clothes. And human dignity. That’s too much to give.

You worked hard to get your cheesy bread, you earned those unemployment checks. Why would you give this lazy welfare queen anything? He should go to the job store and get a job.
{{text adventure choice|2140|Change your mind, fuck him.}}
{{text adventure choice|1130|Give him the garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice|2133|Give him the cheese.}}
}}
|2133 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = Yeah, give the little rat hobo some little rat cheese, let him nibble on it like an animal. Watch him nibble the cheese like the little rat he is, with his ugly rat teeth, with his ugly rat whiskers. He’s below you, he’ll scoop the cheese out of the bag and gobble gobble.

Watching homeless people debase themselves makes you cream your pants. The hobo says, “Really? Cheese? I’m sorry, but I’m a human being, I still got some self-respect.”
{{text adventure choice|1130|Give him the garlic bread.}}
{{text adventure choice|2140|“Ungrateful pleb, go ahead and starve.”}}
}}
|2140 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley2.png
|text = You don’t know why but this hobo is making you angry. Uncomfortably angry. You want to give this homeless fuck a piece of your mind. You shriek.

“And, and you know what. Fuck you. Fuck you and your stupid hobo face. I didn’t come here to get accosted by poor shits like you.”

The hobo recoils at your rudeness. “Sorry, man. Just go away, I don’t care anymore.” He sheds a tear.
{{text adventure choice|2141|Move on.}}
}}
|2141 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley4.png
|text = You walk past him, bumping shoulders on the way out of the dank alley like gruff men in movies do.

You don’t make it past the alley before the hobo grabs your bag and tries to run off. He trips on the leg of another hobo, your cheese and garlic bread scatter all over the ground. Thankfully, they’re unscathed.
{{text adventure choice|2142|Pick up your things.}}
}}
|2142 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hoboalley3.png
|text = You pick your things off the ground. “What the fuck is wrong with you,” you say to the hobo. He’s bleeding. His head fell on an old glass bottle.

“Sorry, man, I couldn’t resist, I’m really fucking hungry,” he says, lying on the ground. He’s got a few glass shards sticking out of his forehead.
{{text adventure choice|2143|Teach this punk a lesson.}}
}}
|2143 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Deadhobo.png
|text = You walk over to the hobo prone on the ground. You take the frozen stick of garlic bread and press it on his bleeding forehead.

“Oh, God, please don’t,” says the hobo. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please. Please.”

You stare at him blankly, your eyes are dead and unfeeling. You swing the frozen garlic bread over his skull. You swing and swing until you feel the skull give way. He lies silent.
{{text adventure choice|2144|Walk away, you’ll get away with it.}}
}}
|2144 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnight.png
|text = You run as fast as your withered legs can take you. You run until you’re hacking and wheezing. You’re winded. You stop at a park near your apartment. The sounds of crickets and ambulances fill the cold night air.

You’ve had enough excitement for today. You sit on a park bench, you feel a slimy wetness on your trousers. You’ve unknowingly sat on a half-eaten hotdog, loaded with condiments.
{{text adventure choice|2145|You see a dark figure approach you.}}
}}
|2145 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = It’s a police officer. Thank goodness, some trace of civlization still exists in the world. He eyes you suspiciously.

“What’s a fellow like you doing late at night, all alone in a park?” Says the copper. His right hand hovers over the holstered gun on his side. “How much do you charge?”

“Oh, no sir,” you say, “I’m not a man of the evening, I’m just making my way home after my bike got stolen. I got groceries, see?”
{{text adventure choice|2150|Show the officer your garlic bread.}}
}}
|2150 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = You show the kind officer your bag of groceries. He screams, “put your hands up you sick, sick man.” He points his gun at you.

You see your garlic bread dripping with blood. It’s bright red, and you see more blood seeping out of your bag. Must’ve been from that hobo you killed earlier. Shit.
{{text adventure choice|2151|“Sir, I can explain, this is all a High-Larryus misunderstanding.”}}
{{text adventure choice|2153|“It was like that when I bought it.”}}
{{text adventure choice|2155|“I bludgeoned a homeless man to death with a baguette. That’s hobo blood.”}}
}}
|2151 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: BLIND JUSTICE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = The words ''Sir, I can explain'' trigger something deep inside the copper’s mind. He quickly fires off a couple shoots into your center of mass.

“My bad,” says the cop. “At least that’s my weekly quota filled.”
{{text adventure choice|2152|Bleed out.}}
}}
|2152 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: BLIND JUSTICE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = You bleed out. The last thing you see before your mind fades to nothing is the cop unbuckling his pants. His lips curl and his eyes widen with lascivious intent. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|2153 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = You can tell he doesn’t believe single a word coming out of your mouth. “I don’t believe a single word coming out of your mouth,” he says.

You’ve got to think of something fast. “Uh, I had a nosebleed and I put this here bag under my nose to catch the bleeding so as to—”

“Liar.“ He interrupts you. He inches closer. Your knees start to buckle, your hands become sweaty. You must be in love.
{{text adventure choice|2154|“Uh, you know, that time of month, ladies bleeding everywhere.”}}
}}
|2154 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = The copper flashes a steely gaze. “Your excuses are getting stranger and stranger. I sincerely doubt any woman would use a slimy baguette to pleasure herself. That’s what cucumbers are for.”

He’s got you there. Only one thing to do now. Tell the truth, sonny.
{{text adventure choice|2155|“I killed a hobo in cold blood, that’s his blood.”}}
}}
|2155 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = He eyes you oddly. “You killed a man in cold blood?”

“No, sir, a hobo.” You hope he can’t tell the difference.

He laughs maniacally. “Why didn’t you say so earlier? We could’ve avoided all this unpleasant business.”
{{text adventure choice|2156|Ask the copper if you’re free to go.}}
}}
|2156 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightcop.png
|text = He shakes his head. “Now, you ain’t getting off scot-free, you killed someone, and 'round these parts that’s considered a crime. Thankfully I am more flexible in this regard. I only need a small donation of $200 to, uh, grease the wheels of justice.”

“Sorry, sir, but I don’t have that kind of money,” you reply.

He smiles. “There are... other ways of paying your debt to society.” He unzips his trousers. He lets it all hang out.
{{text adventure choice|2157|“God, why.”}}
}}
|2157 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightindecent.png
|text = He feels no shame. He lets his slimy trouser snake see the naked moonlight, like it were the most natural thing in the world. He looks happy, he aims the gun straight at you. He knows his power over you, he knows you’re afraid. It’s the sweetest feeling in the world. You should know.

“Get to sucking.” He looks serious. The night is cold but his cock stands straight in salute, like a guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier.
{{text adventure choice|2158|“I’d rather not.”}}
}}
|2158 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Parkatnightindecent.png
|text = Your refusal only turns him on. If you said yes that’d make him gay. “I ain’t a homosexual, not that there’s nothing wrong with that, I just love the feeling of a punk’s mouthole over my oozy parts.”

“Regardless, I would prefer not to, sir. I, uh, respect the work you do but I cannot in good faith suck you off.”

“You don’t have a goddam choice.” He cocks his gun. He presses it against your forehead.
{{text adventure choice|2160|Kick him in the groin.}}
{{text adventure choice|2159|Get to sucking.}}
}}
|2159 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Pantsdowndead.png
|text = You kneel down. He presses the gun against your head, as is custom. He shoves his stinky dingus down your throat. You start swirling your tongue around his dick. 

“It’s so beeg,” you say, inbetween his uncaring thrusts.

The policeman coats your parched throat with his salty jizzum. In a ''petit mort'' trance, the cop’s trigger finger twitches. He fires. “Ah, Jesus Christ fuck,” he says. You die. God that was embarassing. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|2160 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dickkick.png
|text = You kick him in the groin. He screams, his gun fires into the air. He misses. You run off with your bread and cheese. 

He tries running after you, but his pants tie his ankles together, and he trips. His dick lands on the gun, which misfires. His groin explodes! His future children scream in heaven as God banishes them to nonexistence or something.
{{text adventure choice|2161|Run home.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|21|Think about her.}}
}}
|2161 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You run home, left confused and upset by recent, disturbing events. Your garlic bread and cheese are miraculously unscathed. It’s been a long day.
{{text adventure choice|2162|Get to cooking, son.}}
{{text adventure choice|1144|Eat the still-frozen stick of garlic bread.}}
}}
|2162 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittykitchen.png
|text = You head to your kitchen. You scream at the roaches who share your home, and they withdraw to their cracks on the wall. A little baby roach tries scurrying away, but you catch it with your bare foot. It’s good to be king.

You sprinkle the shredded cheese over the garlic bread. You can already feel your mouth swirling with hot, sticky mozzarella.
{{text adventure choice|2163|Put your culinary creation in the oven.}}
}}
|2163 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Dirtyoven.png
|text = You place the bread in the oven.
{{text adventure choice|2164|Follow the instructions on the wrapper to the letter.}}
{{text adventure choice|2166|Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be.}}
}}
|2164 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: BURNT-->
{{text adventure
|image = Burntbread.png
|text = You take your garlic bread out of the oven. Shit. It’s burnt. The cheese has crusted over, and it’s turned a deep shade of blackish-brown. You touch the bread with your finger, and part of it crumbles in a poof of carbonized ash.

How could this’ve happened? You’re sure you properly converted 350 degrees Celsius into Fahrenheit.
{{text adventure choice|2165|Eat it anyway, it must still have some nutritional value.}}
}}
|2165 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: BURNT-->
{{text adventure
|image = Burntbread.png
|text = You take a bite out of the burnt bread. You scream. The burnt cheese scours your tongue clean of its tastebuds. You taste nothing except the metal flavor of blood oozing from the burns in your mouth. You spit out black clumps of salivated ash. You toss the burnt cheesy bread into the sink. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|0|'''START OVER'''}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|9000|Think about her.}}
}}
|2166 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Closedoven.png
|text = <choose> 
<option>You wait for your cheesy garlic bread to finish cooking. This is taking way too long, you could’ve killed and roasted a pig by now.</option>
<option>You stare at the oven intently. Nothing seems to be happening. You try turning the temperature up. Then you turn it down. You tap on the oven glass. That’ll do something.</option>
<option>You wait for what seems like an hour. You look at the oven clock. Fourteen seconds have passed. No wonder people ate things raw the first few million years.</option>
<option>You twiddle your thumbs, hoping to pass the time. Nope. Bread still looks cold. You hope they don’t cut the power before your food is done cooking.</option>
</choose>
{{text adventure choice|2166|Wait some more.}} <!--NOTE: endless loop-->
{{text adventure choice|2170|Watch some TV.}}
}}
|2170 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = You head to your living room and turn the television on. You crack open a can of your favorite pisswater, and probe under the couch cushions for the remote. You find it stuck to some chewing gum and a crusty penny. You’re tempted to smell it.

You smell it. Ugh. Mistake. You change the channel.
{{text adventure choice|2171|Watch a sitcom.}}
{{text adventure choice|2173|Watch the news.}}
}}
|2171 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = Look, it’s an episode of the hit procedural drama, ''Crime Is Wrong''. You see daring detective, Dick "Big Dick" O’Hare, shoot a superpredator dead for stealing a young boy’s bike. You cheer. Fucking bike thieves.

Big Dick looms over the still twitching body of the ethnic he pumped full of hot lead. In the background a young cherub faced boy dry humps his shiny metal bike. “You shoulda worn a helmet,” says Big Dick to the unhearing corpse. Cue credits.
{{text adventure choice|2172|Watch some more TV.}}
{{text adventure choice|2175|Garlic bread must be done.}}
}}
|2172 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = Another show, it’s called, ''Love is Love is Love is Love''. A crying woman, black tears running down her eyes, throws plates at a curly haired man. She throws them like well-balanced frisbees.

She cries, “How could you? She’s my mother!“ Laughter. More plates. One plate lands on his eye. He screams. Ceramic shards on his eyes.
{{text adventure choice|2175|Garlic bread must be done.}}
}}
|2173 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = You decide you want a break from reality, and watch some news instead. It turns out some guy in Spokane has been breaking into people’s houses and leaving his unwanted Christmas gifts there. How charming. 

Also, he skins their pets and hates black people? Everyone disappoints you in the end.
{{text adventure choice|2174|Watch some more news.}}
}}
|2174 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Watchingtv.gif
|text = “New developments in a spate of cannibal-murders committed by a man locals call 'The Phallus De—”

You turn the TV off. Everything on the news stinks. At least you can smell the Garlic bread goodness wafting from your kitchen oven.
{{text adventure choice|2175|Garlic bread must be done.}}
}}
|2175 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Closedoven.png
|text = It smells orgasmic. Not that you’d rub it all over your junk, though the thought has crossed your mind. 

Warm and soft, fluffy like a body pillow without the empty piercing eyes, or the commitment.
{{text adventure choice|2176|Take your garlic bread out of the oven, winner.}}
}}
|2176 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Cheesygarlicbread.png
|text = It’s the garlic bread of your dreams. It’s beautiful. You shed a lonely tear. You wish you could frame it on your wall and smell it forever, but you know your tastes come first. It’s the saddest irony of garlic bread: art at its most divine, followed by the basest impulse of all.

For a moment all too brief, life seems a little less painful.
{{text adventure choice|2180|Eat it, it calls to you.}}
}}
|2180 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Cheesygarlicbread_bw.png
|text = Hahahaha fuck you.
{{text adventure choice|2181|No seriously, I want some garlic bread.}}
}}
|2181 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Cheesygarlicbread_bw.png
|text = You clutch your chest. You feel a deep pain inside your heart, in the anatomical sense. Your left arm goes numb, the lights dim. 
{{text adventure choice|2182|Stop having a heart attack.}}
}}
|2182 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = That’s not how it works. Should’ve done some cardio. Of course, the odds were always stacked against you. Any country that invents deep-fried butter wants its people to die slow and profitable deaths.
{{text adventure choice|2183|I was promised garlic bread you pretentious shit.}}
}}
|2183 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Shittyapartment.png
|text = You reach for your home phone and dial 9-1-1. You still have a home phone? You hear a voice on the other side. “Nine one one, what’s your emergency?”

“I’m having a fucking heart attack,” you say. “Oh, God, I see baby Jesus on the other side. He’s waving his baby hands, he’s saying come hither.”

Your garlic bread grows colder by the second. The mozzarella cheese cools and hardens, crumbly and stale like the gunk between your toes. You reach for the bread, even one bite will do, but the pain is blinding.
{{text adventure choice|2184|I want my fucking garlic bread you blueballing motherfucker.}}
}}
|2184 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Insideanambulance.png
|text = You collapse on the floor. The paramedics burst in and find you all alone in your dirty apartment. Your pants are soiled.

They throw you into an ambulance. They race you down to the hospital, doing their best to keep you alive. You manage to hold on to life. The EMTs wonder why the good die so quickly, while people like you refuse to fade away.

“God is unfair,” mutters the driver.
{{text adventure choice|2185|Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.}}
}}
|2185 = <!--[ROUTE] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hospitalbed.png
|text = You wake up in a hospital bed, aching all over, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Shouldn’t have skimped on the insurance. This ain’t Canada, you’re in the US of A. You’ll be eating lentils and curb dirt the rest of your days.

“Garlic... bread...” Your voice is reduced to a whisper. The attending physician smacks you on the forehead for even thinking about carbs. It’s dry spinach and vinegar from now on. Do you really want to die?
{{text adventure choice|2187|I’m not giving up.}}
{{text adventure choice|2186|Yeah, I give up.}}
}}
|2186 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: GIVE UP-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hospitalbed.png
|text = Yeah, that’s probably for the best. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|10000|'''START OVER ;)'''}}
}}
|2187 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: GAVE UP LATER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hospitalbed.png
|text = “Yes, yes, that’s all very good,” says the doctor. “Unfortunately, given your current health and your lack of self-control, we’ve given you an experimental drug which permanently reformulates your taste buds and nose.”
{{text adventure choice|2188|“The hell does that mean, doc?”}}
}}
|2188 = <!--[ENDING] GROCERY STORE: GARLIC BREAD & CHEESE: GAVE UP LATER-->
{{text adventure
|image = Hospitalbed.png
|text = “It means that, for you, the taste and smell of garlic bread will be the most disgusting in all the planet. It will smell like old wounds oozing with puss, and taste like dirty socks caked with rotting semen.”

He didn’t have to be so specific. This is literally the worst ending possible in this game. You failed. '''THE END.'''
{{text adventure choice|10000|'''START OVER ;)'''}}
}}
|9000 = <!--[SPOOKY]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = <choose>
<option>I remember you saying, “You don’t have it bad. Other kids don’t have anything to eat, they don’t got clothes to wear. I don’t hurt you, I don’t hurt you. Ungrateful.”</option>
<option>All I wanted to do was collapse into myself until I was a single point in space, untouchable and unfeeling but I felt dirty and ugly and shameful and everything hurt.</option>
<option>I hid in the bathroom and locked the door. And you were screaming, “Where are you? Where are you?” You were banging on the door but I didn’t want to open it. “I’m gonna wait for you, you’re going to come out soon enough, and I’ll be here.”</option>
<option>When you weren’t around I saw your face hovering over mine, I saw in everyone’s faces the hurt you gave me. No matter what I did you were always there. And I kept what you told me, that I was worthless without you, deep inside. And I couldn’t cope, so I faded into the background where no one could hurt me anymore. Sorry for wrecking your car.</option>
<option>I’m in a deep valley where nothing grows but thorns, and I’m running from a monster with horns for eyes. I can’t stop or I’ll get pincered, but running away leaves scars where my skin was. I don’t think you’d understand, letting the monster eat you alive but you’ve never run.</option>
</choose>
}}
|10000 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{text adventure
|title = Garlic bread adventure!
|image = Garlicbreadwithcheese.png
|text =
You feel an emptiness inside you, a deep pit in your soul that nothing man-made can fill. How many years has it been since you felt her hair running through your fingers?

None of that matters. The only thing that makes you happy now is garlic bread. You know it’s bad for your health, and you know it smells like the underpants of a sweaty Gondola rower, but you can’t help yourself.
{{text adventure choice|10001|Go to the kitchen and whip up something nice for yourself.}}
{{text adventure choice/hidden|10001|You won! Click here to get your free Garlic bread!}}
}}
|10001 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = It’s been a long time.
{{text adventure choice|10002|I’m sorry. I’m sorry.}}
}}
|10002 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = I learned one thing from you. I learned not to care. I learned to be numb. You never felt what I’ve felt. You don’t get to say that.
{{text adventure choice|10003|I know I hurt you. I’ll change.}}
}}
|10003 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = You make everything about you. Even when you want to say sorry. You think it matters what you feel. You think you feel guilty because you’re human.
{{text adventure choice|10004|I’m gonna be a new person.}}
}}
|10004 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = You want to say sorry because you can’t stand being you.

I don’t care if you hate everything about you. I don’t care if you can’t sleep at night. I don’t give a shit.
{{text adventure choice|10005|I’ll visit your mother, I’ll put flowers.}}
}}
|10005 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = There’s no room here for you anymore. There’s only one thing you should do. You want to help me? I don’t want to be scared anymore.
{{text adventure choice|10006|Please, no.}}
}}
|10006 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = Do it.
{{text adventure choice|10007|Please, I don’t want to fucking die.}}
}}
|10007 = <!--[SO JUDGEMENTAL]-->
{{:UnGames:Garlic bread/2|spooky
|text = Do it.
{{text adventure choice|link=You Are Dead|Fuck you fuck you fuck you.}}
}}
}}