UnBooks:Vlad Koppokov's Bizarre Adventure
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Vladimir Koppokov was bourgeois boy who grew under care of his father, Vlad Koppokov. One day on carriage ride they crash because of pebble on road. Carriage stumble and Lady Koppokov get impaled and bleed out. Vlad and son Vladimir survive, as thief accidentally wake Vlad up while trying to steal his wallet.
Thief was shitty father to his son Ivan, and shitty husband to his wife Svetlana. Thief lied to Koppokov and say that he was former surgeon who stitched up Vlad and son Vladimir. Vlad is naive bourgeois who not know medicine, so he believe Thief's lies. Thief makes Vlad promise to take in Ivan should anything happen to family. Vlad accept.
Twenty years later, Thief has killed and rape Svetlana. His son Ivan poison him in revenge, and contact Koppokov to make good on promise for adoption. Koppokov remember and accept, and Ivan take remainder of daddy's vodka stash to go to bourgeois house.
When arrive, Ivan is irritable and jealous. He not like bourgeois, and he not like Koppokovs, but he need them to survive and get rich. Ivan decide he will destroy Koppokov family and take bourgeois life for himself. Ivan is bad at hiding intentions.
When young Vladimir go to greet Ivan with his dog Natalya, Ivan kick Natalya in the head, claiming dogs are pointless drain on resources. Vladimir is shocked and horrified at Ivan's crazy behavior. Ivan promise he will only get worse before pretending to be nice gentleman in front of Vlad.
Young Vladimir is nice man, and so try to give Ivan the benefit of doubt. Ivan in turn publicly challenge, and humiliate young Vladimir in community boxing match, and then cut himself with razor and accuse young Vladimir of attempted murder just because. Vladimir stunned by Ivan's viciousness and insanity. While Vladimir never arrested since Ivan have no proof, Vladimir's reputation ruined, and he get nicknamed "Vlad the Sore Loser. And sissy killer."
Vlad the Sissy Killer face further humiliation at home and out of home, since Ivan bully him, force him to serve dishes (which he throw in trash) and polish boots (which he use to kick Vladimir in face). His father Vlad is busy man who spends most of week at work, so not notice Ivan's rotten behavior. When young Vladimir try to tell his father, father say that Ivan is just suffering from culture shock because he's poor.
Young Vladimir believe statement have disturbing elitist and bigoted implications, but he dare not defy father. Vladimir try to cope by keeping distance from Ivan, but Ivan decide to make some "friends" who search for and torment poor young Vladimir. One day, Vladimir finally get fed up and ask Ivan what he want.
Ivan say, "I want you to die. Kill yourself plz."
Vladimir refuse, "I'm not your dog, motherfucker!"
Ivan respond by trying to drown Vladimir, he only stop cause servant notice him.
Realizing Ivan destroy him no matter what, Vladimir start to train. He attend secret boxing practice so that he challenge Ivan again and avenge his defeat. If he do that, Vlad the Sissy Killer is no more!
While training he meet pretty girl who big fan of sports, and borscht. Girl's name is Milla, and she really like Vladimir's courage. Vladimir like Milla's passion too, and he ask her out. She accept.
Sadly, when he date Milla, his whole plan found out. Ivan and "friends" corner Milla, and Milla recognize him as asshole trying to destroy her boyfriend. Milla fight back, but Ivan and "friends" gang up on her.
Ivan smug. He smile and say, "My dear Milla, your boyfriend Vladimir seem oddly happy of late. I try to ruin his life, but he no cry, he no beg, he no scream. He in love with you, no?"
Milla try to bite him in response. Ivan and thug kick her teeth in.
"Oh, your lips are swollen, no?" Ivan say, "Ah, speaking of lips, have you and Ivan kiss yet?"
Milla's eyes widen in horror. They no kiss!
"Oh, my dear Milla!" Ivan say with dramatic flair, as he lean in and force a kiss on Milla. "Ahahahaha!!!" he laugh "You thought your first kiss be with Vlad, but it was I, IVAN!!!!!"
Milla can no be strong anymore. She break down and cry. Ivan decide not to kick her teeth in again. He thinks he win.
The next day, young Vladimir can no find Milla. When he look for her, he see her on bench. She alone, and she crying. When Vladimir go to comfort her, she push him away. She say that if she keep loving him, Ivan come for her again.
Vladimir lose all patience, and decide to settle things immediately. He barge into father's estate and challenge Ivan to fight. Ivan say that he always win and Vladimir wasting time. Vladimir respond by socking Ivan in face.
Ivan enraged and hit back, but Vladimir's rage have no match. Ivan end up bruised and get black eye. He catch his reflection on a jade mask and cry like baby.
"You Мудак!!!!" Ivan scream as he take out knife to stab young Vladimir. Fortunately, father Vlad is at home and break up fight. He admonish both Ivan for pulling out knife and Vladimir for making Ivan cry.
As time go on, Ivan stop bullying young Vladimir and they get along in peace. Vladimir decide to leave town with Milla to start new life, but suddenly his father Vlad get sick. Vladimir not know why his father sick, but unlike his father, young Vladimir know about medicine, and suspect his father poisoned.
Vladimir notice Ivan always cook for father since a week ago, and he steal some of Ivan's cooking to give to chemist friend for test. Ivan notice young Vladimir getting suspicious, and he decide to use jade mask to bash his skull in.
However, Ivan decide to bash homeless comrade's skull in first, just because. When he try, mask convert homeless comrade to vampire, and he sparkle in sun before burning to death. Ivan realize he can become vampire and take over bourgeois family, but he no want to sparkle.
On next day, however, young Vladimir bring in his chemist friend as expert witness and accuse Ivan of poisoning father Vlad. Ivan not able to lie properly, and get exposed. Desperate, Ivan decides he okay with sparkle, and grab jade mask to become vampire.
After becoming vampire, Ivan incinerate father Vlad and dog Natalya, and whole mansion burn down. Vladimir knock Ivan out and escape with his life.
Milla rescue unconscious Vladimir from street, and decide to care for him in her home. Vladimir is grateful, and they rekindle romance. The chemist friend find them and inform Ivan is alive and raising undead to conquer town. Vladimir train to stop evil Ivan from killing everyone.
Vlad learn secret of Hamon and summon heroic spirits to aid him. Saber and Archer pledge to serve him as Servant, and reveal that jade mask is latest incarnation of Holy Grail that grant wielder's deepest wish. Ivan felt dead inside from moment he realize what a shitty dad he had, and so he want everyone else to be dead inside too.
Vlad and Ivan face off in epic showdown, and Vlad turns tables by claiming Ivan is Twilight fan because he sparkle. Ivan lose temper and claim he actually Warm Bodies fan because he prefer zombies. Vlad uses distraction to incinerate Ivan's body and destroy Holy Grail. Saber and Archer thank him for saving world, and return to eternal plane.
Five year later, Vlad and Milla marry and go for honeymoon to beautiful Moscow city to start new life. On steamboat, they are ambushed by Vlad, who exploit Twilight vampire loophole to survive because his dismembered head no burnt. Using throw skills of pet zombie, he slash Vladimir's throat. Vladimir use Hamon reserves to blow up ship and drown Ivan with him. Milla realize she can shield herself from Hamon, and escape using lifeboat.
Years later, Milla is actress in Hollywood, starring in Fifth Element, and raising Vladimir's child. She promise to tell him whole truth about his heroic father Vlad Koppokov, when time is right.