UnBooks:A to Z
Okay, kiddies, it's bedtime! What's that? You want a story? How about this story? No? What's that? No, i'm not giving that magic apple juice to you again, or else the nice Judge won't be so nice like last time. How about this book? You like it? Okay, here we go...
A is for Andrew[edit | edit source]
Andrew's arm is in the alligator's abdomen and about to exit the anus! Arrogant, arrogant Andrew!
B is for Beer[edit | edit source]
Burt belts down boxes of bottles of beer to avoid braving his bedeviling bisexual feelings.
C is for Cut[edit | edit source]
Cynthia cut herself. Callously, nobody cared. Curiously cute corpse, though.
D is for Donut[edit | edit source]
Dan dunked a dozen delicious donuts into his drink. Dan thought the drink was Diet. Dr. Pepper. Doctors determined otherwise... D.O.A.
E is for Enlargement[edit | edit source]
Elise earned eagerly, and eventually earned enough for breast enlargement. Extremely edifying? No, but definitely uplifting.
F is for Fan[edit | edit source]
Fritz forced his fat fingers into a fast-moving fan. A fraction (four out of five) returned, freakishly fractured.
G is for Glee[edit | edit source]
Gerta gazed, mouth gaping, eyes glazed on a groovy episode of "Glee", unaware that Garth's gall bladder burst. Giant gallstones? Good gracious.
H is for House[edit | edit source]
(in Haiku)
Hoarding Henry has
grabbed Horrible Hilda's hat.
Hilda burns his house down! Ha!
I is for Itch[edit | edit source]
Ichabod gave Isabel an itchy rash. Internally. Ick!
J is for Juice[edit | edit source]
Josh drank Dad's juice from the locked cabinet. Josh's legs? Jelly. Josh's torso? Jack-in-the-box. Josh's brain? Jigsaw Jesus.
K is for Kettle[edit | edit source]
Karen kicks her kitten, but is too lazy to turn off the kettle. The kettle went "KA-BOOM", and killed 6 people.
L is for Laxative[edit | edit source]
Leonard sits in the lavatory attempting to loosen his stomach. Likewise, like most people, he is lazy and uses a laxative.
M is for Mark[edit | edit source]
Michelle has a mark on her face. Mike drank too much again.
N is for Nasty[edit | edit source]
Natalia did something nasty with Mr. Newman, but he promises her a new bike if she dosen't tell.
O is for Owls[edit | edit source]
Oliver can't afford normal meat, so he eats owls.
P is for Pedophile[edit | edit source]
The pastor is in prison after the police discovered his passion. He will be punished.
Q is for Quack[edit | edit source]
The ducks used to say 'quack' in a quiet manner. Not since Quincy arrived.
R is for Retard[edit | edit source]
msot rtaaads cntu uus a kybrooad.
S is for Steak[edit | edit source]
Now that Sam is affiliated with the mafia, he can give Stella steak every Saturday.
T is for Track[edit | edit source]
Terrence used to to run on the track. The subway tracks. Ta ta!
U is for Uterus[edit | edit source]
8 babies have gone into Ursella's uterus. Only one has surived.
V is for Vaccuum[edit | edit source]
Vince likes to chase his dog Victor around with the vaccuum. Vroom! Vince is having trouble getting Victor out.
W is for Whino[edit | edit source]
Willie is a Whino. He likes to drink wine. He is a pilot.
X is for X-ray[edit | edit source]
Xavier can locate where the condom is stuck by using an X-ray.
Y is for Yell[edit | edit source]
Yvon yells at Yalene a lot. It's better than when he hits her.
Z is for ZZZ[edit | edit source]
Zephyr says "ZZZ" when he sleeps. The ZZZ will stop when his kids put a pillow over his face.
