Trapdoor
“I got one for pesky Jehovah's Witnesses”
A trapdoor (also known as death's door) is a devious device, conceived by Caesarean section by the racoon peoples of Adleron 6. Trapdoors are nearly impossible to distinguish from regular doors, but they can usually be spotted by the nicks below the door jam. Common public misconceptions are that trapdoors can only be found concealed under rugs and that their only dangerous tactics are gravity and having the thief close them on you. FLATHEAD, the "Finally Leave All Traps Happily Extinct" Association of Doors, is working hard to increase global awareness of trapdoor deaths.
Warning Signs[edit | edit source]
An individual can be sure the new, dated-colour door they had installed is a trap door when the servicemen are slightly too short or have bushy eyebrows. Initial warning signs include the door knocker turning into an image of a dead partner (as seen in Mark Twain's A Christmas Carol), the knob feeling colder than the rest of the room, and your cheques never arriving; they are being eaten by the mailslot. Some trapdoors can be broken with a strong heavy, metal hammer, but only in temples that have dragons that devour Gorons.
Dangers[edit | edit source]
If a person touches a fully adult trapdoor, they will be sucked into the door frame, and the trapdoor will "snatch" their body. The only ways to free such a person are to pay 2000 Zm to Uncle Scratchy, contract rabies, or sacrifice your life to dislodge the person; they will take you instead. The trapdoor is then free to wander the streets in search of another door-frame habitat to fit into. Occasionally, but not always, trapdoors will camouflage themselves as items that are found near doors, e.g. elevator call buttons, extraneous locks, or inward handles on doors that open outward. This is especially true if there are no empty door frames available.
Advisory[edit | edit source]
Trapdoors are most vulnerable in their person-like state. Do not attempt to axe the door; it will slam on you first. Call a trained professional to talk to the door and convince it of the pleasure of not trapping people in door frames and the satisfaction at a job well done. If you have a door jam and you feel like a hero, however, using it right now may prove effective.
Military Use[edit | edit source]
The United Spades of Amerika has been in talks with the Adlers recently to hire them as vastly overpaid pork contractors. They are to construct a 10-kilometre-wide trap door between Israel and Palestine, so that any intruders trying to enter the Holy Land will get there: just deserts.