Tin foil hat
“In Soviet Russia, the hats tinfoil YOU!!!!!!!”
A UAV Jammer, otherwise known as a Tin Foil Hat or Aluminum Foil Deflection Beanie (AFDB) s a condom covered with aluminum foil that is fitted over the head, much like a hat. The metallic properties of the aluminum casing deflect a number of rays that cause, but are not limited to, mind reading, mind control, and failure to recognize Fox News as the eternal source of all wisdom. tin foil is also when fasioned into a mask is the ultimate battle armor for the face blocks bullets stabs nucelar radiation etc tinfoil can to hide your food from aliens and g men what works for the mind works for the body tinfoil is bouant and even the smallest amount in your pocket will stop you from drowning recent milatary studies have proven that it can be formed into a perfect nuclear blast bunker some believe that tinfoil is the perfect aphrodesiac and the ultimate garmish for any steak and icecream based entree tinfoil
History[edit | edit source]
A basic guide to your best protection against MTDs(Mentally Transmitted Diseases).
In the 1960s, the intellectual revolutions occurring across the globe led to the massive spread of both thinking, and a second, less foreseen effect: Mentally Transmitted Diseases. At the current time, there are an undocumented number of such diseases, including but not limited to Starbucks, Nascar, Mullets, Civil War reenactors, those Cialis ads where the happy couple have drag separate bathtubs down to the beach, and Sarah Palin
The current best protection against transmission of MTDs is to simply NOT THINK OR EXCHANGE THOUGHTS. However since young people nowadays have no shame, tin foil hats are the best defense available at the time.
Use of a tinfoil hat[edit | edit source]
A tinfoil hat is simple and easy to use. Simply mold it into a round shape, and place it on your head like a hat or yarmulke. Wear it like this before engaging in interexchanging of ideas. The prescence of the tinfoil hat should protect you from most ideas, as it will deter all but a few ideas from being expressed to you. It is absolutely critical to keep the shiny side out. Wear the tinfoil hat at all times when you could be exposed to mind control ways beamed down to earth from orbital platforms under the control of the New World Order, Barack Obama (if you're conservative), Sarah Palin (if you're liberal) and/or Dick Cheney (if you've been living in a cave). It is safe to remove your tinfoil hat if you either live in an aluminum house or trailer, or you have completely covered your residence with (shiny side out) aluminum foil.
If you do choose to aluminize your house, ignore nay-saying neighbors and cease and desist summonses from your homeowner's association, as they are just another part of the conspiracy.
Construction of a tinfoil hat[edit | edit source]
Construction of these tools is highly complex, and is not to be attempted by anyone other than professionals. Even the tiniest hole or weak point can lead to puncture, and contamination. If you have no choice, the best way to construct a tinfoil hat is to use multiple large pieces of either tin or aluminum foil and wrap them into a large, round, and concave cap about 1.5 times larger than is needed to fit on your head. From there, press the metal until it is the proper size and shape. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE FABRIC, AS THIS MAY NEGATE THE EFFECTS.
Misconceptions about tinfoil hats[edit | edit source]
There are a number of things people believe about tin foil hats which are not true. Bollywood has a lot to answer for.
Fun Fact:Teaching your child how to fold paper airplanes may be fun but teaching them how to hold Tin Foil Hats can save them from the government.
Ion Funnels and Mind-Reading Chips[edit | edit source]
Ion Funnels streaming from the ESPN satellite, directed by the CIA to control your mind can be stopped by correct usage of a tinfoil hat (tfh).
If the CIA puts a mind-reading chip in your brain, a tinfoil hat will not stop it from either operating or broadcasting. It will however block all incoming signals which direct itself to the brain, and scramble outgoing broadcasts to the point where they are unusable by the CIA.
Protection against alien mind-reading[edit | edit source]
Alien technology currently outstrips our tinfoil hat systems. Besides, they do it at night. The only reason they do it is to see our sexual fantasies anyway.
If you really want to protect yourself against this kind of thing, you should line your hat with Bounty Paper Towel. This makes the aliens simply see continual re-runs of British porn.
Dorky[edit | edit source]
Dorky aasir
See Also[edit | edit source]
External Links[edit | edit source]
- Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie - Instructions on how to make and apply.
- The League of Lady Conspiracists - A public service announcement.
- Tin Foil Hat Porn - Self-explanatory.