Therian
A therian is a member of the cult known as therianthropy, in which nerds wear wolf shirts every day of their lives. This leads them to, after many days of repeated wear without washing, smell "like the animal." On rare occasion, a different animal is depicted.
The cult is figure-headed by Anne Rice, Ann Coulter and Ayn Rand, who are all vampires. The exact arrangement of hierarchy is unknown and kept a secret by organization members. However, it is speculated that these three came to power believing that they would be advancing the vampire position against werewolves.
Shifting[edit | edit source]
According to the cult's leaders, therians possess the capability to turn into their favorite animal using Satanic [[magic]PUSSY! types of shifts available to powerful therian wizards, the most well-known of which are M-Shifting and P-Shifting.
M-Shifting[edit | edit source]
M-Shifting occurs when one takes the red pill and finds out that he can turn into a well-liked animal such as a wolf or bonobo. However, this is not real and is only inside the Matrix. I'm in the Matrix right now. I'm looking around and I can tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be. The walls have pillows all over them and it took me forever but I finally got the musty white jacket off me and I can move my hands around. Score one for me 'cause I'm so cool!
P-Shifting[edit | edit source]
P-Shifting (not to be confused with pee-shifting, which is best taken care of at a fire hydrant) is when one leaves the Matrix and discovers that they are actually a non-human animal accidentally placed into the battery system of our Robot Overlords. I have pee shifted before. It's the best thing you can ever do! I wasn't drunk either. I live with my mom in her basement so I pee shift in my free time.
Influence in society[edit | edit source]
Therians only have influence in society through the internet, which they spend the majority of their time on. This means that compared to cats, iPod, and George W. Bush, they have an extremely large amount of influence.
Indisputable proof arrived in late 2006 that therians were responsible for Hurricane Katrina, and global warming in general. Confusingly, all therians are required to be members of Greenpeace.
Becoming a therian[edit | edit source]
You can become a therian in many different ways.
- Drinking hemlock
- Killing a first-born son
- Huffing grues (not recommended)
- Becoming a Scientologist
- Becoming a Jehovah's Witness
- Becoming a Wiccan
- Becoming a furry
- Visiting the moon
- Having sex with a Minotaur
If one of these actions is taken, you must immediately purchase an animal t-shirt and wear it for the remainder of your life, or else the American police will issue a fatwa against you.