The 10th Kingdom
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The 10th Kingdom was a cult television reality show which saw a group of contestants including an Emo waitress, her dad, a werewolf and a talking dog left to fend for themselves in a fairytale kingdom. Sadly it only saw one series before its cancellation. Big Brother and Raven however, are still running. Tell me where the justice is in that.
Contestants[edit | edit source]
The contestants were divided into two teams, the goodies and the baddies.
Goodies[edit | edit source]
- Virginia Lewis: A waitress whose mother tried to drown her when she was seven but she doesn't remember a thing. She's just pissed off that her mother never comes to visit and consequentially suffers from depression and schizophrenia (at one point she sees Central Park turn into a fairytale kingdom). At the end of the series, Virginia was voted the winning contestant. Her name comes from the fact that she was a virgin until she came on the show and had sex with a werewolf. They had cute little cubs.
- Tony Lewis: Virginia's father. A failed businessman, hypochondriac and general douche bag.
- Wolf: A somewhat unimaginatively named precursor to Donkey from Shrek, Wolf is a schizophrenic werewolf with Multiple Personality Disorder who seems to be related to Gollum from Lord of the Rings. He falls in love with Virginia who being desperate, marries him, becoming Virginia Wolf in the process (ha-haa).
- Prince: A dog who's actually a prince who's actually a poof. He was turned into a dog by a rather competitive contestant called the Evil Queen.
Baddies[edit | edit source]
- The Evil Queen: The person I just mentioned. The Evil Queen Christine Slevil-Lewis-Whatever, is a rival contestant for the title of "Queen of the Nine Kingdoms." The producer, Simon Moore, thought it would be interesting if they had two teams of contestants competing against one-another, rather like Castaway but with Trolls. The Queen unfortunately for the others, is slightly more experienced as she has been in the Nine Kingdoms for 1000 years and also has dark magical powers as well as an army of trolls. Later in the series, she was revealed to be addicted to pills which in addition to the fact that she was evidently bat fuck insane, resulted in her expulsion.
- Huntsman: No evil tyrant is complete without an enforcer, so the Evil Queen has a rather horny huntsman who seems to have a major crush on her and so is willing to do whatever she is. He is something of a nihilist and appears obsessed with fate and destiny. Given his superhuman strength and incredible fighting techniques he was actually more than a match for Virginia and her rag-tag band but was voted off before he could kill them.
- Relish the Troll King: A king so evil he's named after a sauce one has with their food, Relish the Troll is one of Christine's less idiotic henchman (he has an IQ OF fifty) and at one point in the series tried to overthrow her, only to fail and be voted off.
- Blabberworth and Bluebell: Relish's children, Blabberwort and Bluebell are the stereotypical comic duo that isn't even remotely funny. They are known for being so idiotic that if all the village idiots from around the world came together and formed a village composed entirely of village idiots, they would still be the village idiots.
Challenges[edit | edit source]
Finding the mirror[edit | edit source]
OK, this one took ages. The first mirror was broken thanks to the unmitigated twat known as Anthony Lewis and the next one took the better part of a ten hour series to find. Eventually however they did but only the winners were allowed to pass through it.
Outwitting the Trolls[edit | edit source]
Not too difficult given the fact that the Trolls were as thick as Dragon shit and looked like rejects from Legend.
Rumble in the Jungle[edit | edit source]
Don't ask.
Bitch-fight with Your mum[edit | edit source]
At the climax of the series, in a shockingly original plot-twist it was revealed that the Evil Queen, also known as Darth Christine was in fact Virginia's mother. After a lot of good old fashioned bitching and slapping, Christine tried to throttle her daughter but Virginia, was able to slay her insane mother but stabbing her in the head with a poisonous comb which the supposedly intelligent evil sorceress had been idiotic enough to wear in her hair.
After being killed, Christine was removed from the game-show on the grounds of mental instability (uh, she tried to kill her daughter, anyone see that) and possession of narcotics.