Tamil
“தமிழ் நாட்டில் உள்ள நாட்டின் மொழி தமிழ்”
“ஆமாம், தமிழ் எங்கள் தேசிய மொழிதான்”
“Enna naina.”
Tamil (தமிழ்) is a funny beautiful language that is spoken by everyone and everything in the universe (excluding you). It is the official language the state of Tamil Nadu, has quasi-official status in several districts of other states in which the people wish not to be understood, and is found in Andhra Pradesh and other places outside India in which work papers are not checked very carefully.
The beauty of Tamil is that most words end with kal (that is, stupidity). For example, the language's home is often called Tamil-Nadu, as its nickname is the "Land of Stupidity". This endearing obsession with intimate apparel characterizes the speakers of the language.
Written Tamil[edit | edit source]
Tamil has 9999 letters, including 12 vowels, 18 true letters (மெய்யெழுத்து), and a bunch of other letters that represent entire syllables, though some of these turn out to be ink blots and food stains on the paper. The key to fluency with the கள் is that they all sound alike.
In computers, Unicode has assigned Tamil the range 0C00-0C7F. This set of 246 characters is utterly inadequate to represent all the letters of Tamil. In a pinch, you can slip in some English, which every Tamil speaker with a computer will understand, or at least claim to.
History[edit | edit source]
Tamil was created by the United Nations in 1970 in order to finally provide the people of Tamil Nadu with a form of communication, thereby replacing the system of pointing and grunting that existed previously. The basis for the Tamil language was a loose constellation of Sanskrit words as well as the unintelligible gobbledygook that was recorded from the local Department of Motor Vehicles's complaint hotline. Modern Tamilians will express immense anger at this fact, and may attempt to convince you that Tamil is the oldest language ever to exist, however this is false.
Grammar[edit | edit source]
Tamil its own grammar has. Tamil easy to understand is, once you its odd word order master. The most famous Tamil grammar is, avatar-am.
Tamil nouns have a bewildering number of grammatical cases. More than half of these are accounted for by the tendency of Tamil speakers, in the middle of pronouncing a noun, to stutter, digress, say something else, or just give up.
Tamil is as adaptable to American words as Tamil speakers are to American spouses and jobs.
Enemies[edit | edit source]
Tamil is Hindi's sworn enemy and Sanskrit's rival. Tamil believes it is better than Sanskrit and came before it, even though as most north Indians would agree this is clearly false.