Sweety the Chick
Sweety the Chick is a cute, almost spherical animated singer who rose to international fame.
Ringtone[edit | edit source]
Sweety rose to international fame on the basis of a ringtone with these lyrics:
I may be small, I may look sweet.. but baby, I know how to move my feet! ... HIT IT! (Tempo change: Upbeat) Cause when I start to feel the beat, I just got to move my feet and it makes me wanna tweet — tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet.
The lyrics and melody were received well by critics such as Sir Tristan Knotbottle who deemed it as worthy as Beethoven. Famously Pope Benedict XVI unexpectedly broke into a rendition of the song while saying Mass, much to the delight of the crowds, leading to fifty nuns fainting. Sweety eventually conducted the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra (AKA Herbies' band) in no less than sixty variations of the song, which went on to not only be the leading classical recording of all time but the leading recording of all time.
Sweety had been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize when he vanished.
Relations with other ringtone characters[edit | edit source]
Sweety was initially friendly with the Crazy Frog, even listening to a rendition of a poem from his work Crazy Verse, but after a while he became remote. When pressed he would refuse to answer, unless drunk, in which case he would mutter Always the bloody frog, nobody wants to know the dirt about that creep, nobody knows what he means by ring ding ding, man I could tell you, (hic!) That was all Sweety would say until passing out blind drunk.
Prunella the Cow, a long-time friend and confidante of Sweety, only commented that The Frog has underground connections, if you get my drift.
Sweety always was suspicious of Pissweasel, saying He'll stab you in the back, always keep your eyes on him and betware of Marmite.
Disappearance[edit | edit source]
Shortly before the Nobel Peace prize was to be announced, Sweety vanished. No sign of him has been seen although various fraudulent attempts to declare him dead have been attempted. These include a note which read I certify this bag of putrefying slime is the remains of Sweety the Chick. Signed, Doctor Crazy Frog and The recent explosion in the sewerage works were the result of a failed attempt to negotionate with Sweety the Chick, who had taken two potatoes and three packs of sliced cheese hostage. These ashes are his remains. Signed, Inspector Crazy Frog
Who is behind these forgeries is a mystery.
A private investigation by Captain Obvious concluded Sweety the Chick is missing!
Edward de Bono denied having anything to do with the disappearance, despite there being a suspicious amount of marmite in the vicinity. However, he has offered to investigate and explain everything to people using words of one syllable and generally dumb down the investigation.
Alleged kidnapping[edit | edit source]
A group calling itself Kill Crazy Frog Now Militia released the above image, claiming to have kidnapped the beloved megastar to force governments to kill Crazy Frog once and for all. Although most governments offered to kill the frog for free, nothing more was heard from them. Rumours abound as to Sweetys' fate - was he killed by the frogs poetry or did the group destroy themselves by reading the frogs poetry? Nobody knows the fate of Sweety the Chick.
Other rumours[edit | edit source]
Various theories have been put forward for Sweetys' disappearance - one holds that Sweety flew to London to collect an honour from the Queen, but got stuck in Terminal Five at Heathrow Airport. This building is notoriously difficult to get out of, with some passengers taking upward of five centuries to escape.
Another theory is that Sweety was kidnapped by Ryanair and has been forced to carry passengers on cheap flights to remote locations.
Others hold that Sweety was the victim of a vicious gang of chicken huffers and that the alleged ransom note was a ruse.
Religion[edit | edit source]
Although Sweety had never expressed any religious views, various religious leaders had proclaimed the celebrity to be of religious significance - Pope Benedict XVI caused controversy when he proclaimed he would canonise Sweety, as canonisation is performed on the dead. Controversy raged fiercely for a good five seconds until the Pope said Hey, this is Sweety I'm talkin' about!, upon which all opponents fell into agreement with him. Unfortunately, the process had only reached beatification when the beloved celebrity disappeared. As such, the proper title is Blessed Sweety the Chick.
George W. Bush professed that Sweety was his saviour.
Prayer Vigils[edit | edit source]
Religious groups from all over the world have prayed for the safe return of Sweety. (Fat lot of good it's done so far!) Prayers are held every Friday and non-Friday.
The mystery deepens[edit | edit source]
An alleged photograph, supposedly showing Sweety bearing a Ryanair logo. The authenticity of the photograph is disputed.
