Sal Governale
“Sal? What a fag.”
El Salvador "Sal the Supertwink" Gonzalez-Governale (aka "Salad Tosser"), often shortened to just "Sal Governale", born October 24, always 13 years prior to the current year, is a gay activist and spokeperson for higher education on The Howard Stern Show. He previously worked as a professor of history at Joe's Junyor Collij on Long Island. While in the middle of lecturing, Gonzalez-Governale would frequently call Stern's show to confess his romantic feelings for Stern's producer, Bob Abui MacHeine. Since joining Stern's show, although Gonzalez-Governale remains married to a high-end escort for conservative respectability, he can be frequently seen giving MacHeine foot and taint massages, or he will affectionately rub his anus on MacHeine's "doorknob". Gonzalez-Governale's other talents include copying prank phone calls first shown on The Simpsons, harassing and stalking celebrities off-air without being arrested too many times, and an infamous "stage diving" act, which he frequently performs as part of "The Hacks of 'Comedy'".
Early life and pre-Stern Show[edit | edit source]
As a child, Salvador spent countless hours torturing animals, starting fires, wetting his bed, and being physically, psychologically and sexually abused, which gave him brain damage, mental illness, and helped him develop his feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, retarded emotional development, and penchant for holding Richard Christy's underwear against his mouth (cf. serial killer). His family was of low socioeconomic status, even though they owned a restaurant. Mexican pizzas using jalapenos as dough just didn't take off in the middle of Nebraska.
As a teenager, Gonzalez-Governale made a Muzak CD under the name "G-Mancini". He has claimed that record company scammed him out of thousands of dollars, but this could easily be due to his recurring delusion that he's Chuck Berry. At any rate, he retaliated by bikini-waxing the label owner and taking him out to dinner. Gonzalez-Governale was also a founding member of the ballroom-dancing group "Men in Gowns", and was later president of the Village People fan club "Young Men Craving Anus" (YMCA).
Homosexual and incestuous acts[edit | edit source]
Since he joined The Howard Stern Show, Gonzalez-Governale has engaged in what many would consider homosexual acts:
- On May 9, 2005, Gonzalez-Governale gave oral sex to Howard Stern on-air.
- On June 14, 2005, Gonzalez-Governale had anal sex with Richard Christy on-air.
- On January 16, 2006, Gonzalez-Governale had anal sex with wack-packer Bigfoot on-air.
- On April 24, 2006, Gonzalez-Governale had anal sex with Bubba the Love Sponge and an electric chair on-air.
- On February 12, 2007 Gonzalez-Governale had anal sex with a stoat on-air.
- On May 24, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale had anal sex with High-Pitch Eric and Eric the Midget on-air while being suspended by helium-filled balloons.
- On August 1, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale admitted that Joey Boots was "an emotional friend", and that the two frequently text-message "143" to each other.
- On September 21, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale admitted that he watches Dancing with the Stars.
Other controversies[edit | edit source]
By Governale's own account, some of his previous jobs involved illegal dealings. These jobs included armed bank robber, hit man, acting as a broker for Martha Stewart and a brief career as a priest. A report by The Smoking Gun found that Sal once sold his kidneys on eBay.
Hacks of "Comedy" incident[edit | edit source]
On January 23rd, 2007, during an appearance at the Lakeland Center in Lakeland, Florida, Gonzalez-Governale was showing the crowd his penis, after removing a condom painted with Bob Abui MacHeine's face, when he veered too close to Richard Christy and had anal sex with him onstage. This resulted in the birth of Diego Velázquez de Hernández de Juan de Vincenzo, Gonzalez-Governale's thirty-fourth child (his first with Richard Christy) on September 22, 2007.
Married Life[edit | edit source]
Gonzalez-Governale's wife, ironically also named Christy, is a high-end escort who acquires jobs via text-messaging. The couple's hobbies include firing paintball guns at each other at close range and attacking each other with baseball bats. They last had sex in 1952, unless you include those recent "sessions" with a family therapist. Gonzalez-Governale has claimed on-air many times that he and Christy may be close to divorce due to Christy's not being able to effectively order pizza order from a train station.
Christy also runs Emotional Friends (including EmotionalFriends.com), a discreet dating service for married people.
Traction[edit | edit source]
On Thursday, September 27, 2007, on Stern's show, Gonzalez-Governale asked to be given traction. He was shackled to the rack in Stern's dungeon, where he plans to stay until March 13, 2008, which would break the world record and most of Gonzalez-Governale's cartilage, ligaments and bones.