John D. Rockefeller

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about John D. Rockefeller.

Rockefeller was a known pimp in his days. Note he owns all rail-roads so you must pay quadruple if you land on any!

John Davidson Adam Smith "Oily" Megabucks Winstonville Rockefeller is a world renowned capitalist and founder of SexxonMobile, a wireless carrier and oil company.

Early Days[edit]

When most children would be outside playing baseball or causing trouble, ol' Johnny Boy would be using investment capital and revenues from his Lemonade Stand to buy out smaller oil companies. After acquiring an impressive portfolio of gas stations and drilling companies, Rockefeller put all of his competition out of business using a combination of monopolizing the entire industry, and dashing good looks.

The Birth of SexxonMobile[edit]

After Standard Oil was broken up by the Feds, Rockefeller came up with a solution to re-solidify his power. Instead of monopolizing one industry, he would monopolize two!

Thus Rockefeller went to Standard Oil of New Jersey and dubbed them "Sexxon". He then went to Standard Oil of New York and dubbed them "Mobile". After all the paperwork was signed and after snatching a few of those no-name wireless carriers, John created SexxonMobile.

Secretly, SexxonMobile bought HTC and used them to brand a few of those hundreds of Android phones. Some of their models are the HTC Black Gold Touch, HTC Valdez Slide, and the HTC myPhone 3Gs from T-Mobile with Google.


Rockefeller was quite famous as being the first man to own every single item of monetary value on earth and 80% of imaginary properties.


Most people were not aware that Rockefeller is a heavy philanthropist. But he is! He is constantly donating to the Federal Government in exchange for not breaking up his sorry-ass oil/telecom company.

Rockefeller Today[edit]

Some people believe that Rockefeller died many years ago. This simply is NOT TRUE! Rockefeller used his tanker-loads of cash to shed his human form and embraced a monolith, thus evolving to become an immortal being orbiting the Earth.

Rockefeller after his multi-trillion dollar upgrade.