Reverend Green

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Reverend Green.

Reverend Green (his full title being "The Right and Honourable Reverend Green") was the middle child of the Green family, and is the most widely known (besides Leftenant Green, who was killed during his service in the Canadian military) of the Green family. He grew up in the town of Corman Park [1], Saskatchewan, where he was raised along with his 13 other siblings (Birth control was banned from Corman Park in 1984, with the passing of the Anti-Birth Control Act of 1984). He grew up and passed 4th in his class of Reverendism. Three years later, He became personal assistant to Drip Fed Fred, later taking over his position as Leader of the Thieves Guild.

Reverend Green's Life[edit]

Reverend Green lived from 1986-2056, and he gathered quite the following during his time. He was preceded by Drip Fed Fred. However loved by the public, Drip Fed Fred lost the elections due to a scandal involving him and actor Scarlett Johansson and thousands of tax payer's dollars. He later was arrested, convicted, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Strangely, he died 4 years later from falling out of his prison bed, but police reports recently showed that he had major heart issues and was hospitalized for a while. Some skeptics believed that during a frequently made visit to his cell, Reverend Green killed him to take his position. (Despite the fact that Drip Fed Fred was in prison, he was able to keep his position as leader of the Thieves Guild).

Reverend Green's School Years[edit]

During his years at the Reverendism school of Saskatchewan (the most notable and accomplished school in all of Canada) Reverend Green studied hard, and passed with an average of %92.3. He was known to hang out in the computer lab and study creationism, but ran into some controversy in the school and was ridiculed for taking a... "special" liking to Eve in the story of Adam and Eve. He was defended by his former teacher and mentor, Admiral Charles Smegma, who claimed that it was, "...Nothing but rumors and hearsay..."

Reverend Green: Leader of the Thieves Guild[edit]

After the unfortunate death of Drip Fed Fred, Reverend Green took over his position due to his infamous speech he gave a Drip Fed Fred's funeral.

We are gathered here this evening to pay our due respects,

to Drip-Fed Fred who just last night fell out his hospital bed,

we know the nonce behind it, who slipped the night P.D,

the word is out now without doubt you will answer to me!

He won by a landslide of votes, and became the very first Reverend to be leader of the Thieves Guild. He was still in control of the Thieves Guild by the year 2045, but many guild members believed that he was "too old[2]" to lead the guild to victory. Some of the guild were already planning mutiny, while very few remained loyal.

The Fall Of Reverend Green[edit]

By fall 2048, Reverend Green was voted out of his position as Leader of the Thieves Guild. His position was taken over by Captain Archer, who ruled for many years. Reverend Green and his family fell into poverty, and his son, Dr. Green (Proctologist), fled to Bolivia, leaving behind an enormous debt on the house the rest of his family was living in. Unable to pay the debts, Reverend Green attempted to flee the country, the FBI close on his tail. He nearly made it out of the country to Congo, but was stopped as he was about to board his flight and was caught by Customs Officers. He was put on trial, and couldn't afford a decent lawyer, therefore was sentenced to life imprisonment.

Reverend Green's Death[edit]

Reverend Green, like his mentor before him, died in prison. In 2056, he committed suicide, killing himself with a common playing card. He slit his wrists with multiple fatal paper cuts. He bled to death, and was unable to be rescued by the guards.


In the wake of Reverend Green's death, his remaining supporters stopped running for the senate, due to numerous death threats from hired thugs from the opposition[3]. Reverend Green's old way of governing the Thieves Guild disappeared, and with it almost all memory of his rule.


  1. "Corman Park" has recently be changed to "corman park," as the Committee of Letters took back the upper case "C" and "P" from the name because the town could not raise enough money to keep them.
  2. Please note that Reverend Green aged in dog years.
  3. There is no actual proof of this.