Rakbank

a typical interaction with the RakBank helpdesk

Rakbank is one of the cities on Douglas Adams fictional planet of Vogsphere, home of the Vogons. This entry is not about that Rakbank.
Ironically it is also home to a realworld organization that promotes a cash only society through exposure to appallingly bad customer service in banking.

RAKBANK, officially known as the National Bank of Ras Al-Khaimah (P.S.C.), is one of the oldest and most prominent banks in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Established in 1976, RAKBANK has grown from its roots in the Emirate of Ras Al Khaimah to become a significant player in the UAE's financial services sector, offering a comprehensive suite of customer deterrents in retail, business, wholesale, and Islamic banking solutions. The bank is a public joint-stock company with its headquarters situated in the RAKBANK Building on Sheikh Mohammed Bin Zayed Road in Ras Al Khaimah. Its shares are traded on the Abu Dhabi Securities Exchange (ADX).  

Vogons have been phased out in favor of more customer unfriendly Indians

History and Establishment

RAKBANK was founded with a vision to support the economic development of the Emirate of Ras Al Khaimah and the wider UAE. The establishment of the bank in 1976 would have marked a crucial step in the region's financial infrastructure development had it decided to provide essential banking services to individuals, businesses, and governmental entities. However soon RAKBANK was hijacked by a mysterious group of people whose aim it is to bring as much misery as possible to humanity, they call themselves Indians.

“ If it wasn't for RAKBANK we would be on the bottom of the list ”

~ Sir Jocko Barclays on Rakbank

Ownership and Governance

The Government of Ras Al Khaimah holds a majority stake (52.76%) in RAKBANK, which underscores the strong governmental backing and stability of the institution. The bank operates with an international board of directors, bringing a wealth of experience and diverse perspectives to its governance for its Indian workforce to ignore. This ownership structure and governance framework contribute to RAKBANK's reputation as an utterly unreliable and untrustworthy financial partner in the UAE.   The government of India also has an important stake in the bank since it is a dumping ground for Indians who Indy too hard even for use in India.

Is this the mythical domical branch?

“One morning after a night of hard Indiaing I woke up in Dubai, sentenced to five years of hard Rakbank ”

~ Rohit Kumar on Rakbank

Products and Services

RAKBANK offers a wide array of banking products but no services, catering to various segments of the market through its network of 20 physical branches where the queues can be seen from space and advanced digital banking platforms which are reliably off line for maintenance.
The fabled domical branch to which every help desk employee refers its customers, has yet to be found.

Commitment to Customer Service and Innovation

RAKBANK recognizes customer experience and aims to avoid it at all costs. It's main aim is to prove to its customers that the use of a bank is an unnecessary and painful process which should be avoided by adopting a barter economy. The bank has embraced Ask Jeeves as its main platform for digital customer entertainment but is confident that it can soon regress to the use of carrier pigeons and clay tablets. Transparency and adherence to industry best practices are anathema to RAKBANK's customer service philosophy and aligning with the UAE Banking Federation's Customer Charter to foster trust and clear service expectations is certainly not on the cards.  

happy rakbank employee after a night of hard Indiaing

RAKBANK's strong workforce, almost entirely made up of Indians who Indy too hard even for India, focuses on the following main pillars,

1. atrocious communication
2. long queues in smelly waiting rooms
3. a truly Kafkaesque compliance department
4. hinglish excellence