Rabbit-proof vest
“I once huffed a rabbit by mistake, and only my rabbit-proof vest saved my life. All hail the rabbit-proof vest!”
A rabbit-proof vest is a vest that protects against rabbits to some degree. This name is actually a misnomer, as most of these vests can only protect against bunnies, which are juvenile rabbits.
History[edit | edit source]
The first rabbit-proof vest was discovered by archaeologists, and was dated to 1 million BC. It was made out of grass blades sewn together, as the carnivorous bunny is repulsed by the taste of leaves, especially that of grass. After humans discovered the carrot, it became the primary rabbit-proof vest material as bunnies are highly allergic to it, even more so than they are to grass. However grass and carrots could not put off a rabbit (which is more robust than a bunny), and humans remained its primary food source. Not until the invention of steel armour plate and machine guns did man finally master the rabbit.
Materials[edit | edit source]
As stated above, in the past grass and carrots were used for making rabbit-proof vests. Now, the most typical lightweight rabbit proof vest is made of rubber, as it is even more repulsive to rabbits than grass and carrots, although leather, treated to make it bitter, can also be used. However, rubber and leather will not repel a full-sized rabbit- chainmail must be used for effective protection against those monsters. Finally, steel plate is mandatory when facing armour-piercing rabbits.
Grades of rabbit-proof vest[edit | edit source]
| Armor Level | Protects Against |
|---|---|
| Grade Pt (Pathetic) | This armour protects against baby bunnies with masses of at least 130 kilograms and travelling at minimal velocities of 13m/s. This is the lightest, cheapest and lousiest of all grades. |
| Grade Po (Poor) | This armour protects against medium-sized bunnies with masses of at least 169 kilograms and travelling at minimal velocities of 69m/s. Bulkier and more expensive than Grade Pt vests. |
| Grade Ar (Average) | This armor protects against full-sized bunnies and small rabbits with masses of at least 666 kilograms travelling at minimal velocities of 66.6m/s. Even more bulky and costly than the previous two grades. |
| Grade Re (Resistant) | This armor protects against full-sized rabbits and all bunnies with masses of at least 911 kilograms travelling at minimal velocities of 200.1m/s. Armour of this grade is usually made of chainmail. |
| Grade In (Invincible) | This armor protects against armour piercing rabbits, including rabid rabbits, the were-rabbit and the mad rabbit from bunnykill, all with masses of at least 1 tonne and travelling at the minimal velocity of Mach 1. Armour of this grade must be made from steel plate worthy of tank armour. |