Pubbians

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The Pubbians are a special subspecies of orangutans wearing clever human disguises. They are unique in that they are born as middle-aged drunkards and never leave their natural habitat, the pub.

Pubbians are recognized as those people you never see either entering or leaving a pub. They are always there, no matter what time it is, and the more venerable members are characterized by the fact, that the pint they are holding has become part of their body. They are individually fiercely protective of their territory, guarding their favourite chair at the bar with barbarous zealotry. When you attempt to communicate, they will respond in an unintelligeble dialect, and they can smell sobriety, growing extremely aggressive if they sense that you are not sufficiently drunk. The Pubbian language is also unique in that it can only be understood when you are drunk, and will not make sense once you get sober again.

There has been a controversial dispute among scientists concerning Pubbian philosophy. Those who have studied the Pubbians in their own natural environment claim that the True Pubbians know the meaning of life, while others claim that they are Oscar Wilde's personal army. A small group of scientists claimed that Pubbians are just a lot of drunken idiots, but these scientists disappeared mysteriously...

History and Controversy

Pubbians are said to have existed forever in the land currently known as Ireland. A unique civilization in that they simply materialized inside a pub in what later became Dublin, and are said to have invented snooker and beer before they discovered the existence of fire. Since then more pubs have materialized out of nowhere all around the world. They arrived in America before the Vikings and Columbus, but never actually discovered it on account of never leaving their pubs.

“The Aztec I dare, but the Pubbian I fear!”

~ Christopher Columbus on The Pubbians

The estimated number of Pubbians spread throughout the world is said to be between 80435 and five billions, depending on who you ask. Their recent conquests include the Moon, Mars, and possibly Pluto, which might be used to cool their beer supply. There has been another source of controversy, which is the question of whether they were on the moon before the United States, but NASA have done everything in their power to evade the subject.