Poundland
Poundland was established in April 1990 by two men, Dave Dodd and Steven Smith, seeking to spruce up UK high streets by selling products found on the pavement and park benches like cheese and such for discounted prices. Some say that these cheeses' exotic aroma are behind Poundland's decision to brand them based on where they were sourced, such as "Surrey Ditch Brie" and "Chesham Bus Stop Q Cheddar". Their plan ultimately formed the premise of a decent business, but controversy due to perceived association with a similarly-named gay club in Soho as well as the founders' ignorance regarding the concept of inflation doomed the business from the start. In 1990, a pound could buy five portions of fish & chips, four pints of Carling and a BMW M3, whereas now you'd be lucky to afford a rat's anus from Camden Market's dark underbelly for that sum. Alas, its spirit has persisted for over 35 years and it was in fact knighted by The Queen as her last act in life due to the establishments having the largest collection of her embossed face on the planet.
Early years – June 2025[edit | edit source]
Business began strong in the early '90s, with Dave Dodd finding a 30-ton shipping container full of Ryvita in a landfill site, its local abundance in one branch of Poundland leading to "The Great Drying of 1991" on Watford High Street, resulting in several people needing to be urgently rehydrated in nearby water features. Steven Smith was no slouch either... he once fished out several box sets of Top Of The Pops from the canal... in HD! Poundland's growth was stymied somewhat by Black Wednesday in 1992, when the British Pound lost the majority of its value, causing many people to begin trading geese and farming equipment as a replacement for currency until its partial recovery a few years later. Poundland didn't accept geese. They're loud, difficult to store in a till and also are not precisely equal to the value of a pound coin. To try and mitigate for loss of income as a result of the pound now being worth roughly equivalent to 10% of a McFlurry, Poundland upper-management began discussing plans to start selling things for higher prices, values such as "2 pounds" or even "3 pounds", but these ideas were seen as heresy by the owners, and they promptly fired anybody who suggested the existence of any number other than 1 during conference calls as a result, no matter the context.
Downfall and sale[edit | edit source]
Surprising many economists, a business predicated on the denial of inflation in a flagging economy is not sustainable, and in June 2025, Poundland was sold for... you guessed it - £1, a number they argued down to from an initial offer of £2.75. There was only one more mistake the leadership made in this moment... they accidentally left the "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" sticker on and as such had to craft an entirely new duplicate business in order to avoid certain litigation. This personally bankrupted both founders who can now be found in Canning Town distributing The Big Issue through gritted teeth for £4.50. The famous economist Milton Friedman was said to have been "miffed" that he did not buy Poundland for £1 immediately as it first opened in 1990, after seeing how literally the business takes their premise, since he'd have been able to sell their entire inventory and walk away with just shy of 2 grand in profit.