Pottery destruction

Pottery destruction is the brilliant bounty hunting scheme that allows us to remove those filthy pots from the face of the planet. It also allows for amateur karate training whilst on the road or in certain shops for a large price, unless you can run away quickly enough.

The sport

Players (or "smashing people" as they are known) are given a land to explore and maybe some food if they are lucky. Their simple job is to destroy the said monstrosities in the silliest way possible, even if it kills them. Infact, the Best Death is one of the awards given at the end of a round (or "troll" as it is known), along with Silliest Smash, Bountious Bout and Big Fat Corporation Thingimajig Award. The point is, if you can think of it, there's probably an award for it. Probably.

Awards List

Gosh this is gonna take a long time. The shortlist:

• The Your Mum Award
• The You're Mum Award
• The Amazing Spelling Despite That You're Speaking So We Can't Really Tell Award
• The Bountious Bount
• The Troll Of A Lifetime Award
• The Didn't I Win? Award
• The WTF Of The Half-Second Award
• The Award That Involves Cats In Some Way Or Another Award
• The Well Hello There Award
• The Silliest Smash
• The Please Accept This Fez Award
• The Please Don't Accept This Fez Award
• The Hey! You Stole That Award
• The Uncyclopedia Is Great (And I'm Not Sucking Up To The Admins) Award
• The Truly Epic Award (That Only Works Sometimes)
• The Big Fat Corporation Thingimajig Award
• The I'm So Sorry That This Award Ceremony Doesn't Finish Until Next Week Award
• The Honourable Mention (Or In Other Words The Person Who Hasn't Got An Award Yet Award)
• The Well Done You Read This Far Award
• The Now Go Cry In A Corner Award
• The Gold Award
• The Silver Award
• The Dirt Award
• The Definitely Non-Commercial Award
• and, The A Goose Is Not For Life Award

Despite there only being 23 competitors each year, there is a total of 25 awards. Two are awarded to the audience. If there is one...

Media Reception

Despite its amazing reception in video games, it is frowned upon in some countries such as the world. However, it is usually welcomed in the country YouTube near the Bermuda Triangle and others in that region, which is nice. Under the law of the country called the world, it is considered vandalism. However, it is really putting these pots in a better place, where they can't be seen and hopefully can cry in a corner (if they can cry). So there. Take that, pottery.

Controversy Involving Pottery Destruction

Considering its massive fan base of about four people (one of which is called Jeffry Trollface), there is a surprising amount of dislike for the sport. Pottery shop owners around the world have created a new group called PAMS (Pottery Abuse Must Stop) to prevent this so-called "menace" from sweeping the Universe, despite its status as most-played sport by four people (but not Jeffry Trollface), and its current standing in the Universe (183rd 2nd most played sport. Definitely not 183rd. Where did you get that number from anyway?). Other groups such as INSANE (Is this Non-Satirical Annihilation Not Equal?) and PLOPS (Pottery is Legally Open to Pounding Soundly) are, however, for this beautiful sport, and support it with their perfectly reasonable names.

The Great Championships

Despite the crappy name, The Great Championships is a truly awesome event held somewhere in China (probably). It runs once every 212 years, and brings together the best competitors from across the Universe to meet, greet, and eat each other's limbs as they try to get an upper hand fr the competition on the next day. There has only been one competition so far, the 2004 Great Championships.

The 2004 Great Championships

The epic pinnacle of sporting had been a contest between two dark horses and twenty-one lighter ones. Jeffry Trollface and John Cummingham were the greatest sportsmen in the competition, along with the other guys, but who cares about them? These were the standings:

Troll 1

1. Jeffry Trollface (23 pots, 4 awards, one leg lost)
2. John Cummingham (20 pots, 5 awards, two and a half arms lost)
3. Albert Histry (12 pots, 3 awards, pretty much everything but head and torso lost)
4. All the other candidates (0 pots, 11 awards, all dead after last night)
5. The Audience (The Well Done You Read This Far Award and The I'm So Sorry That This Award Ceremony Doesn't Finish Until Next Week Award)

Troll 2

Due to the massive loss in smashing people, the last troll was sudden death. Literally.

1. John Cummingham (21 pots, 25 awards, one leg left)
2. Jeffry Trollface (23 pots, slowly bleeding on the floor)
3. Albert Histry (12 pots, definitely dead)

Troll 3

"But there's only one candidate left!" I hear you shout. Nope. Turns out Jeffry wasn't dead. And so it began...

1. Jeffry Trollface (284 pots, 25 awards, a torso and stump of a head left)
2. John Cummingham (21 pots, actually turns out to be dead in Troll 2)

The 2216 Great Championships

Predicted to be crap. And rainy.

Prizes

Jeffry won a cuddly toy, a trip to YouTube and seven gallons of apple juice. And £50,000. But that doesn't matter. He also won the Golden Turd!

Jeffry's Drug Scandal

Turns out He cheated. He used H₂0. A banned substance in all sports but Tennis and Crazy Scuba. He lost his money, but most importantly some of that pride rubbish.