Poppy

“This is a poppy? It smells of modern prostitute!”

~ Viscount Lawrence Haywood on how he'll bone anything with a stem

“I think I am seeing God. Yes, it is he! Hello God, I am an albatross and I bring good tidings!”

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge on Opium

A poppy is a rare plant originally from northern Venezuela with rugged spikey birds on its forecastle and brilliant green felt on its bottom. It is closely related to common molds including: toe jam, soap scum, and gingevitis.

Varieties

Poppies come in many varieties. Although each variety has exactly the same appearance, each one has a unique taste. However, because they are also highly toxic, the various tastes have never been recorded and are actually only a theory. There are also male poppies, female poppies, Lithuanian poppies, and the most common: the uncommon Polish Poppy, which aided U.S. Special Forces in the capture of Bob Saget's grandnephew in the Battle of the Alamo.

The first and most prominent homosexual of the species is a variety known as the Hodkinson. It earned its name through daylight buggery, eventually being snapped up by the lead singer of the Vengaboys in the early 16th century. After repeated failed attempts to break into the music business, the Hodkinson turned to Obi-Wan Kenobi for guidance. An ambiguous rendezvous spoken entirely in parcel tongue was of little use to the Hodkinson, which soon found itself back on the streets. Its persistent rapings suggested a suitability for a career in botany, and it was quickly snapped up by leading botanist and former Centaur, Adolf Hitler. In less than 2 years, the Hodkinson had become the world leader in botany. However, a drunken evening out with another homosexual variety of poppy, the Jackson, lead to the pair waking up half-naked and ensnared in a tapestry at the House of Commons, during the debate of the 1867 Reform Act. A very sexual political career followed, during which, the Hodkinson's and Jackson's first ministry passed such notable acts as the Mantelpiece Alignment Act, 1872, and the Get Your Sweaty Testicles Out Of My Pepsi Act, 1874.

Survival

Poppies are equipped with many defensive and offensive devices. I ate a poppy once it made my head hurt teehee

Poppy Defense

Poppies are equipped with many large, heavy, bone plates that run down its back. While it is true that they are descendant from the Stegasaurus, poppies do not travel in large 'herds' like the Stegasaurus. Poppies do, however, travel in large 'packs' or 'multipacks' which may not be sold separately. Poppies are also very agile and have been known to turn on a dime. Because of their high manual dexterity, poppies also knit.

Poppy Offense

Poppies exist in perfect peace with their co-inhabitants, but when they are agitated, they have been known to beat the living snot out of their adversary. As a result, the major export of most poppy tribes is living snot. Poppies use living snot to forge for themselves mystical swords, axes, knives, clothing irons, electric guitars, and dry-erase markers. Their most formidable weapon is simply known as "B.I.L.L.Y." What the acronym stands for has never actually been found out.

Poppy Culture

Until very recently, it has been assumed that poppies have no culture to speak of. However, after years of careful observation and some dubious note taking it has been discovered that they do in fact have a rich culture, consisting of many traditions such as sacrificing their first born sons, carving their mother's likeness into a potato every full moon and of course the most famous; The Festival of the Field Mouse. The Festival occurs every quarter century, when the poopies pay homage to the humble field mouse in the form of modern, expressive dance.