Plasticine Rewilding
“Gumby and Jurassic Park crammed together into a load of baloney.”
“It will never work.”
Plasticine Rewilding is a project involved with the megafauna of the Plasticine epoch. The idea was started by ex-biologist Steven Irving after getting high. The project aims to resurrect extinct clay animals within 100 years and put them in some sort of park.
Recreating a lost clay ecosystem[edit | edit source]
The Plasticine epoch (15,000 to 1 million years ago) was a dark time when the world was covered with clay and strange prehistoric clay animals ruled the earth. And then the ice age came along, making all the clay freeze and causing the animals to slip and die. When the world got warmer, the clay melted, as did the animals. Eventually, it started to rain, making the remaining animals sink into the clay and die.
The Plasticine Rewilding project is said to help fill ecological niches and make clay seem more important. It is also a clever scheme to make millions of dollars by a tourist-trap safari park.
The first thing the project aims to do is find some designated area and call it Plasticine Park. This area will have its trees, water, and mountainous regions removed, as clay models of these things will take their place. The land will also be cleared of its inhabitants so as to make room for the Plasticine megafauna. Afterward, the land will be covered with tons of Play-Doh (chewing gum and silly putty may also be involved).
It is believed that the Plasticine and most of the animals which lived during this time period were modeled out of clay by a gigantic hand. Thus, scientists are looking to find new technology capable of bringing Play-Doh models to life. Thousands of artists involved with the project are currently involved with modeling Play-Doh creatures which will then be sent to Plasticine Park to live, mate, and die.
Species involved with the project[edit | edit source]
Animals which will be modeled out of clay and brought to Plasticine Park.
- Dinosaur (obviously)
- Caveman
- Woolly mammoth
- Giant ground sloth
- Doh-doh bhurd
- Lightsaber-toothed tiger
- Wild ass
- Giant midget
- Boobies (blue-footed)
- Something with lots of wiggly arms
Criticism[edit | edit source]
While some people think that the project may actually be helpful, most believe it's a load of bull crap. Most scientologists say the idea of a clay ecosystem could never become a reality except if you're on a really bad acid trip. Albert Einstein questioned how the project would possibly do the world any good even if it could work.
A recent study revealed that artists were being chained up in a factory being forced to create Play-Doh creatures. In other words, clay farming.
The Government should spend more time thinking about the environment, poverty, terrorism, and other important topics and stop donating funds to the Plasticine Rewilding project. Yet they continue to tell us lies and hide the truth: that it is all just a waste of time, money, effort, and Play-Doh. And anyone who sympathizes this project needs serious help.