View source for People Who Like to Fuck Naked

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<center><big><big>[[People Who Like to Fuck Naked|'''People Who Enjoy Making Love While Their Clothes are Elsewhere''']]</big></big></center>
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[[People Who Like to Fuck Naked|'''The following pamphlet describes the rumored and understandably suppressed practice of people who enjoy making love while their clothes are elsewhere. Delivered in the nondescript envelope shown above, and produced with funds from the Centers for Disease Control, the British Home Secretary, and the Vatican's office of In-the-Moment Deniability (ITMD), this pamphlet itself has become a constant source of irritation and controversy.

The repulsive practice described herein is acknowledged to be an urban legend, and is rarely written about outside of fringe magazines and conspiracy websites. The pamphlet, reproduced below, was first commissioned by United States Congressman Dennis Kucinich at the request of his wife. This in no way reflects on the integrity or morality of the Congressman or his wife, it simply means that they are at the forefront of putting to rest any ongoing discussion that people who enjoy making love while their clothes are elsewhere might actually exist and co-mingle with us in today's enlightened and multi-cultural world. 

<font color=Red><center><big>'''WARNING: Although presented as a public service, read at your own risk.'''</big></center></font>

Before breaking the seal on this pamphlet, please realize it is not safe for work, for school, or for anyone younger than the age of consent, which is 27 in the U.S., 25 elsewhere.''']]
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<center>{{No Kiddies}}</center>
[[File:Master1.jpg|thumb|475px|'''A first-time fetishist works through the shame''']]
There is a [[wikipedia:Fetish|fetish]] class of sexual deviants who almost never come to the attention of the general public. In numbers too small to count, and surviving in levels of the mind that decent people don't even have, the hideously emotionally disfigured and appropriately dishonored members of this sub-group have only one thing in common: They are '''People Who Like to Fuck Naked'''.

==Fetish Origins==
The earliest indication that humans can briefly revert to their [[wikipedia:Primate|primate origins]] was the 1894 discovery of a stone-age cave-drawing near the Atlantic coast of Spain. This painting depicts a strange but oddly alluring scene. When viewed with direct lighting (the effect does not emerge with [[wikipedia:Reflection (physics)|reflective light]]) the [[wikipedia:Prehistoric|prehistoric]] artwork seems to show a caveman without [[underwear]] mounting a cavewoman who may have misplaced her clothing. The fact that an aroused male [[mastodon]] is depicted, and is portrayed as watching from behind a tree, indicates to viewers that they are witnessing a unique but shameful occurrence. Aside from this single ancient artwork, and several disputed illustrations on a {{PopupImage|image=GreekHomosexualIntercourseMFABoston.jpg|width=800|height=535|ping-dynasty Egyptian vase}} housed at the [[wikipedia:British Museum|British Museum]], the historical record concerning People Who Like to Fuck Naked is scant and controversial.

==Modern era reemergence==
In the modern-era, the fetish was likely first practiced by either author-occultist [[Aleister Crowley|Aleister]] [[wikipedia:Aleister Crowley|Crowley]] or author-sorceress [[Anais nin|Anais]] [[wikipedia:Anais Nin|Nin]] (although neither ever spoke of it for fear of public ridicule). The then-unknown fetish emerged full-blown into the public eye in the 1920s when American film actress, [[Clara Bow|Clara]] [[wikipedia:Clara Bow|Bow]] (a.k.a. The "[[Hot Chick|It]]" girl), revealed in a drunken interview during her ''Sin in Soft Focus'' book tour that she "sometimes [[Orgasm|enjoys having sex]] while nude". The interview was stopped right there, the reporter gave the story to his editor to bury, and when the article actually appeared above the fold on the front page of the [[New York Times|''New York Times'']] (thanks to one of Bow's not-very-smart secret admirers on the paper's editorial staff) Clara Bow's revelation shocked the world. Her popularity plummeted overnight and, unable to find legitimate film work, she eventually stooped to playing herself in a series of lifelike cartoons (see this link for more information on the animated character, [[wikipedia:Betty Boop|Betty Boop]]).
[[File:Clara Bow Book.jpg|thumb|175px|'''[[Clara Bow]] inadvertently admitted her illness.''']]
Although both Bow's film work and her interest in fetishism were soon forgotten by the general public, [[Pansexuality|a small group of adherents]] still vividly remembered the look in her eyes that made them feel a deep-seated carnal urge to engage in the immoral practice themselves. The genie was now out of the bottle and under the sheets.

Rumors then began to arise from various parts of the world that someone had been seen Fucking While Naked. It was usually told by someone about a friend of a friend of a friend. It was also whispered in the worst circles that a very few high-end call-girls could be found, if you knew whom to ask, who would engage in the distasteful fetish. But in the decades following Clara Bow's career-ending interview, even as she slowly became an underground heroine, no one would publicly talk about the forbidden practice for which her name was now synonymous (i.e. Bow job) for fear of the glare of publicity and the accompanying sting of societal shun.

==Fucking While Naked Grows in Popularity But Stops Short of Catching-On==
[[File:Giraffe.jpeg|thumb|left|300px|'''"Don't engage in this tomfoolery, soldier. Control your [[Poop throwing monkeys|animal]][[Fluffy Bunny World|istic]] [[The Sexy Lives of Mammals|impulses]]."''' <small>(U.S. Army training film, 1946)</small>]]
The practice next emerged when [[World War II]] ended. As European and American fighting men came home from exotic Pacific Theaters, rumors of "strange ways" and "sultry women" rumbled through the populace. Although it has been estimated that less than 100 women and [[Midgets|men]] in Asia practiced the fetish, it seems that upwards of a thousand soldiers and sailors had been exposed to these mentally deficient and unstable individuals. The [[wikipedia:Church of England|Church of England]] and the [[Catholicism|Catholic Church]] quickly joined British, American, and Disney propaganda units to both quell these rumors and fog the minds and recollections of the enlisted men so they seldom discussed their strange Asian [[:Category:My sojourn|sojourns]]. Due to this successful "Loose Lips Pink Hips" campaign, this troubling deviation from the norm was again forgotten within an increasingly intolerant and strictly institutionalized western society. 

After going [[UnBooks:The Bilderberg Group|underground]] for the next twelve years, the fetish was briefly brought back to public consciousness by three inventions of the [[Mortal Sin|Devil]]: [[Rock and Roll Hall of Fame|Rock and Roll]], [[wikipedia:Maynard G. Krebs|beatniks]], and [[hippies]]. The intoxicating drum beats of the music, the [[UnPoetia/Archive|demented poetry]] and grotesque [[wikipedia:Shoulder|shoulder]] gyrations of the beats, and the foul-tasting [[Marijuana|cigarettes]] of the [[Hippie Seperatist Movement|long-haired]] [[Communists|commies]] hypnotized a lost generation of people into actually believing in something. A few dozen of them believed In Fucking While Naked. This small group was eventually shouted down, [[Enhanced Interrogation Techniques|psychologically broken]], and successfully ostracized by their more enlightened peers.
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==Late 20th Century Media Coverage of the Fetish==
The years again changed to decades, but this time the inventions of television and the [[Internet|internet]] had thrust their electronic tendrils into otherwise peaceful homes and offices. Soon more people heard rumors about People Who Like to Fuck Naked. General revulsion gave way to private disgust, and although a few people who hinted that they found pleasure in sharing their nude bodies with others attempted to organize a social movement (see "The 1998 Shagging While Skyclad Rights Movement" and "London-to-Brussels March"), the result was the same: condemnation, suppression, FOX News Special Reports, and stricter laws, resulting in an effective silencing of these sacrificial [[Sheep|lambs]]. After initial media coverage surrounding the tear-gassing and arrests of dozens of London Movement protesters in their failed attempt to march through the [[wikipedia:Chunnel|Chunnel]] to [[France]], little more was publicly heard of the fetish, although talk persisted [[Furry|in some circles]].

==Modern Times (No, Not the Chaplin Film, But What We Are Living in Right Now)== 
[[File:Skeletons1503pd.gif|thumb|233px|'''Naked boners.''']] 
As the 20th Century picked up its marbles and stormed off, the 21st Century decided to stick around. But the World Health Organization, the television networks, and the Hollywood film industry had teamed-up to silence the last of the movement's activists (i.e. right: A scene from the 2004 Disney documentary ''Courting Death''), and the fetish again became [[User:Optimuschris/Super Secret Girlie Page!|relatively unknown]]. On the rare occasions it [[user:Sir Larry/The Incredibly Secret Page!|is mentioned]], as in this pamphlet, elected officials, religious professionals, and groups of normally repressed citizens huff and puff and throw media tantrums to publicize their deep concern that anyone anywhere should be having any fun whatsoever at anytime at all. This attitude lasts until they take their third toke, which most of them, of course, never do.

==Psssst. You. Yeah, you. Advice For The Novice==
OK, almost everyone has stopped reading this pamphlet by now, thank goddess. The rigid, judgemental and religious have found this information either too obnoxious, too blasphemous, and/or just plain slow-paced, and  have thrown the pamphlet away. Ha! Losers! Of those of you left, the non-creative people and others who can't think for themselves have been purposely lulled to sleep or into trancelike boredom. They're still reading this but they're not even comprehending the words, like a monkey pretending to read a book and we all point and take pictures and laugh at how much it looks like a human. Well, we designed it that way. This section is for you. The few. The proud. Mostly the teens.  

First of all, '''never, ever, admit your fetish to anyone.''' If your family or friends knew about your deviant interest in Fucking While Naked, somebody will talk. Believe me, you ''will'' be found out, probably ratted-out by your little sister or your best friend. And as you know, the legal ramifications are large. In some countries you'll be executed by having large stones thrown at your head, what do you think about that? And if you live outside the United States or the muslim nations, they'll do you in anyway, [[HowTo:Hang, Draw and Quarter Yourself|by hanging or worse]]). Just like the "fictional" [[Fight Club (film)|Fight Club]], the first and second rule of Fucking While Naked is never to talk about Fucking While Naked.

[[wikipedia:Orgasm control|How do you]] discreetly [[wikipedia:Venus Butterfly|bring up the subject]] with [[wikipedia:Sex magic|your sexual partner?]] You [[wikipedia:Eroto-comatose lucidity|don't. Ever]] (see [[wikipedia:List of sexual positions|first and second]] rule above). [[wikipedia:Oral sex|People Who Like to Fuck Naked]] should try to only [[wikipedia:Animal roleplay|Fuck Naked with]] People Who Like to Fuck Naked who get [[wikipedia:Erotic sexual denial|paid for this]] service. This is for the safety [[wikipedia:69 (sex position)|of all involved]]. Although there aren't [[Tantra|many of them]], most of the high-end [[wikipedia:Orgasm|prostitutes who]] engage in [[wikipedia:Mammary intercourse|this fetish]] do so [[wikipedia:Neotantra|with the]] tacit [[wikipedia:Coitus reservatus|consent of at]] least one local authority figure as well [[wikipedia:Deep-throating|as the assistance]] of the [[wikipedia:Lateral coital position|local police]], all of [[wikipedia:Coital alignment technique|whom are well]] paid for [[wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|their innate ability]] to "look the other way". ([[wikipedia:Fellatio|This is one]] reason why [[Prostitution|tantric engineers]] charge so [[wikipedia:Doggy style|much for their service]]). If your friends, family, or [[wikipedia:Irrumatio|intimate sexual partners]] ever mention the fetish, [[wikipedia:Fingering (sexual act)|just laugh and look]] disgusted. You are [[wikipedia:Spoons sex position|living the life]] of the hunted [[wikipedia:Wilhelm Reich#Orgastic potency|my friend, and]] complete silence and [[wikipedia:Woman on top (sex position)|well-maintained layers]] of discretion are the only ways to [[wikipedia:Cunnilingus|keep your job]], [[wikipedia:Missionary position|your friends]], and [[wikipedia:Edging (sexual practice)|your marriage intact]]. Like Clark Kent, put [[wikipedia:Personal lubricant|your glasses]] on, act a little bit scared [[wikipedia:Sexual arousal|all the time]], and don't stand out. That should shield you.

Ah, but wait. If by some miracle you happen [[wikipedia:Leila Waddell|to find]] another [[wikipedia:Geisha|person]] who performs this act, rejoice, {{PopupImage|image=BeverlyHillbillies2.jpg|width=400|height=394|for you have found nirvana}}. You have entered a land whose descriptions can only be encoded into science fiction novels and spoken of in [[wikipedia:Dendrophilia (paraphilia)|hushed tones]] in the inner sanctums of [[wikipedia:Robert Anton Wilson|secret societies]]. Treat your new best bud with extreme [[Oral sex|kindness]], and let them lead you into their [[Microsoft Knowledge Base|knowledge]] of the perversion. Learn from them, and either promise to marry them or pay them well. For when you find another Person Who Likes to Fuck Naked you have found a lifelong friend and/or loyal hired companion.

==Look the other way==
'''Be aware, to discuss or share the names or photographs of People Who Like to Fuck Naked puts them in great legal and physical danger. If you think you know Someone Who Likes to Fuck Naked, never ask them about their fetish, even in private, or pass along rumors about their activity. Please try your best never to offend or shame the hobbyists, or to irresponsibly place their estates in legal entanglement. In you ever feel inclined to take up the hobby yourself, email the publishers of this pamphlet, include your photograph and preferences, and they'll see what they can do. Everyone else, just lean back, get comfortable, and''' [[Men in Black|look at this!]].

==See also==
[[File:Wom.jpg|thumb|right|350px|'''Modern adherents to the fetish pictured just before partaking. Helpful Hints: Try it slowly - rarely used by anyone under twenty but highly effective. Use [[Sex toys|enhanc]][[Marijuana|ements]]. And learn to do it for a [[wikipedia:Orgasm control|'''verrry long time''']]. These tips will take you on a spiritual trip, and also come in handy when you meet these fetishists.''']]
*[[wikipedia:Olsen Twins|Olsen Twins]]
*[[Dennis Kucinich's wife]]

[[File:Woot.gif|frame|center|123px|'''The rarely-seen 1927 Swedish fetish film, ''Stick Figures Who Like to Fuck Naked'', is the only known instructional video pertaining to the subject.''']]

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