Paul Skenes and Livvy Dunne

Paul Rivers David Skenes is a MLB pitcher for the Pittsburgh Parrots and an air force veteran. He is currently in a relationship with social media star Livvy Dunne, after he won her over by beating up Baby Gronk live on Netflix.

Jit Life

Skenes was born on May 29 2024, in Fullertown California. He immediately moved away because he was scared Mika would call him a pedophile, and eventually found himself in Skibidi Ohio. He rizzed his way up to play JV baseball for the Ninja Turtle baseball team. Skenes played 3 seasons as a two way player, posting a mogging rate of 67% and screaming GYATT 300 times. Skenes also finished high school with a 4.76 GPA, which was still less than Paulo Rivera. However, Skenes never begged for an essay grade change from Trea Turner's sister.

After high school, Skenes publicly announced he would be enrolling in the air force. He claimed he wanted to become the next Shohei Ohtani, but this was a bad comparison because Skenes can't time travel. Paul then claimed he would become the next hitler.

Shohei Lite and Livvy Done

Skenes in a military plane, VIOLENTLY jerking off

WW III

Skenes honored his commitment to the airforce by scheduling knee surgery tomorrow. In his first World War, Skenes posted a 3.2 KDR on zero build, but only a 1.7 on build. After vigorous double ramp rush excersises, Paul returned to being a skibidi sigma. In the airforce's championship game against ISIS, Skenes was looksmaxxing and dominated the terrorists in front of the me-uzz (middle eastern huzz).

While the rest of the team celebrated, Skenes hurried back to his dormroom to scroll instagram reels before he crashed out. He set a airforce record by seeing 33 consecutive 9/11 reels. In one of the reels, Paul clearly saw the pilot wearing a blue baseball jersey.

Paul began his second year enacting Kristallnact 2. Skenes broke more records, becoming the first player to do a kamikaze and not die. After securing his involvement in the Watergate scandal, Skenes was given the "Ohio rizzlord" award for most outstanding gyat.

Greetings and Salutations!

After his 2nd terrorist attack, Skenes decided to transfer to LSU (Lowtaperfade Sigma University). He wanted to transfer to the same school as fine shyt Olivia Dune, and rizzmax her. Within one season, Skenes broke Ronald McDonald's record for most grimace shakes vomited in one day. Skenes solidified himself as top rizzlord after winning national nazi sympathizer, as well as the Penis trophy. Paul led his goons to the college world series, where they shit on Georgia state's couches. Skenes won elementary school MVP after touching balls in front of the babuzz (baby huzz).

Skenes watches a teammate get slapped by a man with a suit and briefcase.

Skenes would return to his dorm room that night to find Livvy Dunne passed out drunk on the floor. DekubopdumdemDekubopdumdem...

Mlhuzz (Minor League Huzz)

In the middle of a season that was giving. The Pittsburgh Parrots selected Livvy Dunne for internet glory, but they took that fucker Paul too. Skenes' teammate Dylan Jews went second overall in the draft, but was caught penny pinching. This was the first time college teammates went 1 and 2 in the draft, so Skenes and Jews played high-elo jerkmate to celebrate. Skenes became the richest prospect ever after signing for 9.2 million Hawk Tuah coins.

After the Pirates held a group orgy with Livvy Dunne, Skenes was assigned to the florida leagues to level up his gyatt. There was an expectation that he would have limited rizz due to his miniature weiner. However, whenever Skenes did bring out the sausage, he registered backshots of 100mph. He even struck out fellow prospect Asher Jenkins, after calling Kai for help.

After 5 days of spamming the n word on insta reels, Skenes was relocated to the Single-digit Mauraders. He could resist the single digihuzz (Single digit huzz). After another six days of constant n words, Skenes was again promoted to the Atlantis Curves and met Aquaman. They finished 2023 together getting high on squid ink and playing with their weiners. Some would call it a squid game.

Yapping Parrot

Skenes packs it up. Somebody commented "not funny" under his reel.

The Parrots manipulated Skenes by keeping him in the minor leagues for an extra month. This ensured they got an extra year to diddle Livvy Dunne. In his final month of minor league ball, Skenes collected 99 fanum taxes and brought the BOOM 27 times. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! (no shot im writing out 27 booms).

On May 11, 2056, Skenes made his Sigma league debut against the Dick Hanging Cubs. Skenes threw 17 balls that went 100 mph, unfazed by the many giant penises on the field. Livvy Dunne attended Skenes first start, using her iPhone 24 to zoom in on the Cubs player's crotches. Paul eventually faltered, sucking off 3 players and ending the game without meeting Chopped Chin. Just a week later, Skenes again had to face against the Cubs and their monster dongs. This time though, he made them go flaccid. Skenes went 6 tik tok deep without giving up even a single stroke. Livvy Dunne left this game halfway, unpleased with what she saw.

Skenes celebrated pride month by throwing fireballs at LGBTQ's. Skenes quickly racked up aura points as he put up one of the most skibidi seasons ever seen. He was one of the 2 frontrunners for Pookie of the Year alongside Jackson Merrill, who was the first not shitty Padre since Babe Ruth. Skenes was not only named an all sex, but the all sex starter. This turned out to simply be a ploy by MLB to get Livvy Dunne to the all sex game, but at least Paul got to play avocado jerkmate with Juan Soto.

Skenes was so good that the Parrots thought they might actually be good, so they brought in shitters at the trade deadline. This also meant they would keep known respecter of woman Aroldis Chapman. Although now washed, Aroldis helped Skenes improve his fastball velocity to 4000mph and helped his boob touching form. As a form of gratitude, Skenes gave Chapman $10M. It was all gone in a matter of seconds.

The LA Dodgers and San Diego Dodgers refused to let the parrots be good, so for the first time in history the 2 RIVALS tagged teamed and raped the Parrots. The Doggers kept spamming Skenes with smurf cat, leading to a failed suicide attempt. Meanwhile, Jackson Merrill of the Padres showed the world why he should win Pookie of the Year after he banged Livvy Dunne in the Parrots parking lot. Reese watched.

MLB informs Skenes and Dunne that they will fund and sponser Livvys onlyfans.

Although becoming a slapdick team yet again, this didn't stop Skenes from shoving it in. On September 11th, Skenes broke the Parrots record for fine shyts bagged as a Nazi. In order to celebrate both the record and 9/11 tragedy, Skenes held a group reel watching session with his teammates. This time, the pilot was seen wearing a red baseball jersey. Some mysteries may never be solved...

Award Season

Skenes final start of the year came in New Ohio against the Yankeers. Paul only went 2 innings, because his attention span was too cooked. Paul finished the season with a 1.96 fine shyt rate, 170 gyatts maxxed, and 0.95 whip lashing rate. After 2 months, MLB decided to give Paul Skenes Pookie of the Year after Jackson Merrill and the Padshits got buttfucked by the Dogers. Livvy Dunne celebrated live on camera, but Skenes was lowkey pissed off cuz he wanted to be home and play Marvel Rivals. Valid.

Post Credit Scene

In December, the Parrots revealed that a special baseball card with Skene's semen on it was out there somewhere. The team needed that card bad, and offered whoever found it infinite Parrot games among other bonuses. Since the parrots are ass, no one was willing to give up the card for that. Then, Livvy Dunne REALLY commented that whoever found the card would be awarded a private meet and greet with her. Soon enough, people around the world scrambled to find the card. For once, people flocked Best Buy for reasons other than to pee. Every baseball card in the world was purchased by horny ahh ninjas trying to clap Livvy Dunne.

Eventually the card revealed itself to a single man. He took the card and excitedly called Livvy Dunne, ready to schedule a meetup. Dunne patiently waited at an alleyway in Tijuana, but was frightened when Julio Urias arrived with the card. Urias made sure to come extra angry... DekubopdumdemDekubopdumdem.