PUB BORE

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“They can dress up in modern clothing; some might even appear to be hipsters but you shall always have Pub Bores.”

“Sorry did somebody say my name?”

~ NIGEL FARAGE, occasionally at random will.
This item over the centuries has lead to many different lifeforms with particular traits.

A pub bore is a British lifeform found in pubs, spouting BS at the Bar. Like a particular stain, they are hard to get rid of and thought as being a common attribute in areas such as villages and towns. Whilst they are related to village idiots they are typically jaded and prejudiced and like to shit stir'.

PUB BORES: Key Facts[edit | edit source]

  • PUB BORES are a typical feature of the local pub. They can be found sitting at the Bar in a particular chair, with a pint of real ale and attempting to speak to the barmaid. They might be looking at a copy of The Sun[1] or grimacing at the Daily Mail[2] newspaper, believing the BS within these 'newspapers'.
  • How a person establishes themselves as the PUB BORE is unknown. It is dark knowledge and people are frankly scared to find out whether the PUB BORE is born into the role, inherits it when a older PUB BORE is deceased, or becomes a PUB BORE upon being cursed or bitten by the existing and designated PUB BORE.
  • There are actually periods when the PUB BORE is not in the pub. Nonetheless, their sudden and unannounced presence in the window or at the door shall commence a public house phenomenon, in which you see all of the other adults instinctively react in a tidal wave of fear and dread at how the evening might now take a turn for the worse. A 2021 quantitative survey carried out by the Weekly Generic Insert revealed the following remarks as being typical comments made in response by other pub regulars:
"For Fucks's sake!" (53%)
"Don't look. Do not look!" (17%)
"I thought you promised they weren't here tonight!" (16%)
"Do. Not. Encourage. Them." (12%)

The last statement, the warning "Do. Not. Encourage. Them." should be of interest as there are topics which PUB BORES relish in. They might engage in conversation about something absolutely trivial initially, but expect discussions to turn to a specific topic so that the PUB BORE can vent and come out with some ignorant bollocks.

Pub Bore Topics[edit | edit source]

Subjects to avoid unless you like invoking a ignorant dickhead, and want to ruin your evening out:


Immigration. Expect bollocks of the 'They're taking our jobs' and ' we need to look after our homeless first'. Ignorant crap that would cause Nigel Farage or Hatey Hopkins arousal.

Meghan Markle. Typically brought up by Female pub bores, who of course, are not racist and are definitely not jealous of Markle.

Brexit. Do not go there. If you do and disagree with the pub bore, expect to be told you are not patriotic.


Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ People look at The Sun. They do not read The Sun. The good people of Liverpool don't even look at The Sun knowing its absolute bollocks.
  2. ↑ People grimace at the Daily Mail. They don't read the Daily Mail. They grimace because it's pseudo/wannabe fascist bollocks.

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