NVIDIA RTX 5090

The NVIDIA RTX 5090 is the low end budget card that the great and holy NVIDIA Corporation gifted to the world in January of 2025. The GPU (Gas Powered Uncle) features 69 ExaBoits of VRAM (Very Redundant Actually a Mammoth), 690000000000 CUDA Cores (Crash UniteD Airplane), and has DLSS Downscaling (Destroy Lavatory inStantaneouSly).

History

The mighty Nvidia company was founded many years ago, by Bob nVidia. Upon Lisa Su's betrayal, Bob, fatally wounded passed on the legacy of foot heaters and good graphics to Jensen Huang our Mighty Lord and Saviour, who with the power of his leather jacket valiantly fought back and repelled the hideous and filthy Lisa Su, to fight another day.

Specifications

Core Clock Speed 420 somethingHZ

Memory Clock Speed: 21 somethingelseHZ

Technologies

1. Destroy Lavatory inStantaneouSly (DLSS) 42.21 - Uses upwards size increasing technology to increase foot warmer performance and picture per second rates.
2. Crash UniteD Airplane (CUDA) CUDA Cores are used for ******************************************************************************************* THESE ARE FAKE NEWS AND NOT REAL YOU DON'T NEED THESE DON'T LOOK INTO THEM THESE AREN'T REAL -Note from AMD Fanboy (I use arch btw)
3. GDDR420 (Greatly speeDeD up Rainbow 420) Very Redundant Actually a Mammoth (VRAM) We take however much the gracious glorious hero Huang gives us and never ask questions.

Comparison

You cannot. The 5090 destroys every single other Gas Powered Uncle in every statistic.

Competitors

There are none.

Water Bottle Strangling

The might of the RTX 5090 is so majestic that no component can match it. Nothing else comes close to how top of the line the 5090 is. Do not place it into your PC (Personal Cocaine dispenser), for it is never worthy. Instead, please honor Jensen's majestic sacrifice by buying a $40,000 Leather Jacket from GUCCI, wrapping the 5090 in a jacket, buying it a mansion on the planet Kepler 22-b, then paying for R&D and then a rocket flight to Kepler 22-b, then placing the 5090 on a 25kt gold pedestal adorned with 3000kt diamonds, gently putting on the jacket, and never returning.

Jensen Huang our Mighty Leathery Overlord

At they young age of -2, our mighty Lord and Saviour Jensen Huang was bullied by his lifelong enemy and cousin Lisa Su. As a result, he was severely hurt, and he sustained many injuries. But Gaben himself gifted Huang a magical leather jacket, which healed him. As long as he wears the mighty jacket, he may keep fighting Lisa Su, who went on to run AMD (Autistic/Mentally Deformed) Electronics, and preserve his destiny (see below.)

Destiny of Jensen Huang

From a young age Huang knew he was destined to save to world from the evil Su's clutches. He spent his childhood pondering and learning so that one day he could create the ultimate Gas Powered Uncle: The 9090 Ti Super. Every year he would create a more powerful card to combat the Red Team's buggy drivers and "Price to Performance" propaganda. He was severely damaged when the Linuxilluminati (by the way I use arch) decided to ally with the Red Team and spread Nvidia hate. In 2025, he released the most powerful iteration yet: The RTX 5090. Succeeding the RTX 4090 and combining the powers of the Ryzen 4070 and the 4090, he forged yet another card in the mighty depths of Silicon Valley. But little did he know that AMD had a secret plan. They forged an inferior Uncle known as the 9070 XT (Xtra Terrible [spelling). During the G(PU)enesis, AMD Dishonorably started with the RX 5x00 series. On the other hand, Jensen honorably started with the 2x0 series, eventually reaching the 10x0 series, then the 16x0 series, the 20x0 series, the 30x0 series, the 40x0 series and finally the 50x0 series. And the worst part is that in an effort to hijack the destiny, AMD not only SKIPPED the 8x00 series, jumping straight to the 9x00 series, they renamed their lineup to shamelessly copy Nvidia, with the 90x0 series. Like the horrible, anti-consumer, disgusting filthy monkeys they are, they attempted to confuse people worldwide, and make the legendary 9090 themselves. Needless to say it would be a dirty scam. They made the 9060, the 9070, and then heroic Jensen jumped in to their ugly headquarters to stop them. He halted Su, and stopped the AMD idiots at the dishonorable 9070 xt. There he stands, to this day, creating time for the amazing Nvidia employees to work towards the 9090 Ti Super.

Other Struggles

1. The First Computer War - The First War erupted after the Archduke Franz Linux was force quit. Open BDE blamed RaspiOS, which caused their allies to enter the war.
2. The Second Computer War War - Adolinusf Hitorvaldsler leads an Arch Linux charge against Powindowsland, inciting a global war against the NVIDIAllies and the Linuxis Powers, ending when the NVIDIAllies take the beaches of NORMANDY (NORMAl people like NviDia cards because theY aren't insane), on D(destroy linux) Day, shortly after which NVIDIA dropped the Ray Tracing Bomb twice on リナックス (Rinakkusu), ending the War.
3. The I'm Kind Chilly bro War - See main Nvidia page
4. The Linuxorean War - The Linuxorean War was an armed conflict on the Linux Peninsula fought between North Linux and MacOS and their allies. North Linux was supported by OpenSUSE and the Linux Union, while MacOS was supported by NVIDIA.
5. The Linuxnam War - The Vietnam War was an armed conflict in Linuxnam, Ubuntu, and Mint Linux fought between Arch Linux and Windows and their allies. Arch Linux was supported by the Fedora and Red Hat, while Windows was supported by the NVIDIA and other pro-consumer organizations.
6. "Mr. President, a second AMD 90 series card has hit the market"
7. The War on Linux - War in which NVIDIA is currently attempting to locate Linusama Bin Torvaladens. Operation NVIDIAeptune is currently ongoing.

Other world affairs

1. The Great GPU Depression – After the Linuxnam War, the world entered an era of catastrophic shortages. Historians blame a complex chain of events, including global crypto-miners, a rogue shipment of misprinted driver CDs, and the fact that NVIDIA spent twelve consecutive years launching “new” cards that were actually the same card with a different sticker. AMD attempted a bailout program known as “FineWine,” but critics noted it mostly involved waiting five years for performance to become acceptable.
2. The Cold Boot War – A prolonged standoff between BIOS and UEFI. Neither side fired a shot because nobody could figure out how to disable Secure Boot without accidentally bricking something. Diplomatic efforts stalled when Windows insisted that “you can totally dual-boot, trust us,” which was quickly proven false.
3. The First RGB Crusade – Sparked when the Kingdom of Gamers declared that all systems must “glow with holy light.” Minimalist laptop users refused. Armed conflict erupted, resulting in the Siege of Microcenter, where worshippers of The Pure Aesthetic fought zealously against those who believed every fan, cable, and PCIe slot should pulsate like a nightclub.
4. The Browser Civil Wars – Chrome attempted to annex the RAM Republic, claiming “nobody else is using it anyway.” Firefox partisans resisted with guerrilla tactics and surprise updates. Opera briefly joined before being distracted by a built-in VPN and sidebar games. Edge defected multiple times.
5. The Great Desktop Partition Crisis – Peace collapsed when GParted accidentally resized the wrong border, deleting three nations and a family photo album. Mediation by the UN (Universal Namespace) failed when representatives kept arguing about whether NTFS, ext4, or APFS should be the official format of peace.
6. The Final Conflict: The War to End All Reboots – Tensions peaked when Linux issued a global decree banning mandatory restarts. Windows responded with Operation You Must Restart to Finish Installing Updates. Battles raged for weeks. Legends speak of a lone Windows Update screen reaching 100% without freezing; however, most scholars list this as apocryphal. The war concluded only when all sides surrendered to the true enemy: Java Update popping up during full-screen games.
7. Aftermath – Reconstruction efforts continue. Treaties such as the Geneva Convention on User Friendliness, the DirectX Accords, and the International Ban on 12-Gigabyte GPUs were signed. Peace, while fragile, endures—for now. But experts warn: if the prophecy is true, the arrival of “NVIDIA RTX 9090 Ti Super” may plunge the world into conflict once more.

Note from an AMD Fanboy

Ahem. I, as a mighty Linux Terminal Master (bTw I uSe ArCh BtW yOu ShOuLd SwItCh To LiNuX iT's FrEe AnD oPeN sOuRcE aNd No SpYwArE... Cut off to preserve your sanity) --bobo write here--