Mountain biking

These two have just been caught mountain biking - are they friends of yours?

Mountain Biking is a euphemism for the act of masturbation. Most Mountain Bikers can be found in mountainous areas of land, and are often total wankers. Typically, the term 'mountain biker' is applied only to the most ferocious and vigorous masturbator. It is not unusual for these 'mountain bikers' to masturbate in excess of six times a day. Mountain bikers often refer to their trips as "going for a ride".

Embarressment

More mountain bikers out "riding", snapped by brave photographers

Many "mountain bikers" try to cover up their habit by purchasing expensive bicycles and riding them into secluded areas to "mountain bike". Mountain biking in the wilderness is also known as a nature wank. Some of the more homosexual mountain bikers may wear lycra to help stimulate the rubbing effect while getting to a secluded area to masturbate. Sometimes, after a good mountain biking session, the "mountain biker" will have "Mountain Dew all over the front of his or her pants.

Addiction

While it is true that most of the time mountain bikers will try to mountain bike on their own, often the habit is quite debilitating and the addiction forces them to mountain bike in the presence of others. On many occasions like-minded "mountain bikers" form clubs such as this one. When unable to mountain bike, many "mountain bikers" choose instead to think about mountain biking or read about it on the internet.

Help for potential mountain bikers

The man in the red top fondling his sausage is a suspected mountain biker.

Do you know of a "mountain biker", or suspect that one of your friends is involved in "mountain biking? help is at hand.

Remember that left unchecked, mountain biking can lead to far more serious and harmful habits such as mountain dewing, huffing kittens, chicken and Margaret Thatcher.

Mountain Biking - Other Terms

Other terms for masturbation include;

• Tossing
• Wanking
• Pulling The Man Salami
• Busting one out for Margaret Thatcher
• Voting
• Let your fingers do the walking

Suspected Mountain Bikers

If you suspect a friend is indulging in mountain biking, it is important that you call the police, Alanis Morrisette and Jesus immediately. Included are photos of suspected "mountain bikers" - These men and women should be considered armed and extremely funky.

See Also

• England is the home to literally thousands of avid mountain bikers, who are all total wankers.
• Mr. T Pitys the Fool who doesn't mountain bike.
• Kittens - Every time a woman mountain bikes, God huffs a kitten.