County Leitrim

	County Crest
Location
Capital	Carrick-on-Shannon
Population	28,837 (Mostly living in the Greater Dublin Area)
Area	1,588 km²
Code	LM
Province	Connaught
Website	leitrimcoco.ie

Leitrim is a county in the North West of Ireland. It was founded in 1572 by Mr. John Leitrim (not to be confused with the Clements who lived there much later) who, after seeing his creation, died of laughter. Leitrim is part of the province Connaught and has the smallest population of anywhere in the world, including the internal city of Bill Murray. Its name derives from the Irish Liath Druim ("grey ridge") – apt, as it is just like the colour grey.

History

Once a part of the kingdom of Kingspan Breffni, back when Irelanders were still hitting each other with hurley sticks and sliotars, Leitrim has had a long and bloody history. The first people to arrive in Leitrim were the Native Americans. In early Leitrim, heterosexuality was illegal and the population dwindled to 33. It was at this time, early in 1384, that the bordering county of Roscommon took advantage and attacked Leitrim. Despite having an army of 12 men, Leitrim defeated the 100,000 strong army from Roscommon as they were too inbred to stand in a straight line.

The Cromwellian plantations boosted the population in the 17th centuary. When natives from all around Ireland realised how fucked they were when Cromwell (known as "that wanker"), put Ireland as his top priority, and sent them to "Hell or to Counnaught". The cheeky ones refused to go, but seeing how serious he was, with his "burning catholics" policy, they decided to move to Leitrim. As living in Leitrim was a wee bit better than getting burned and teased by brits.

During the war of independence the black and tans purposely avoided Leitrim after one brigade entered mohill and got devoured by the pub goblins. During the Civil War leitrimites didn't believe in any treaty instead turning to nazism (even though it wasn't invented yet). When the partition happened the Irish leaders wanted Leitrim to stay in British hands but the Brits didn't want it either so it was decided in a game of rock paper scissors of which the Irish leaders lost.

Leitrim's history of catching up with the rest of the civilized world proved most dignified. Leitrim boasted a revolution in transportation with the new railway system and locomotives set up in 2003 (only messing, its Leitrim, they have no trains). Mobile phones have been introduced by trendy teens from Sligo, but proved unsucsesful, as Leitrim has no coverage, so Morse code may be reintroduced. Leitrim is very unique in that it is the only place in the world where the Mobile Phone providers boast that they have only 1% population coverage. Recently, stones and flint have been imported to Leitrim from Cork to assist the growing IT industry.

It is important to note that Leitrim is a very significant useless area of land somewhere in Ireland. Leitrim has one set of traffic lights which were erected in 2003 and there is now broadband in Leitrim for all the boggers to "surf de auld web".

What's there

There is lots in Leitrim. The landscape is trees with fire like hell. Leitrim is compared to hell and limerick city at midnight, a dangerous place full of demons and fifty-year-old people. Leitrim also has many homeless lads making a living off rabbit flesh and travelers. Cromwell even described leitrim as "even worse than Birmingham". Leitrim's small coastline has also been home to sightings of Nessie and your dad who went out for the milk. The people haven't discovered fire so they eat raw meat. Some don't believe it even exists but if it does its not a place to be unless you want your throat to be slit by the claws of an eldritch horror beyond human comprehension.

Sports

All sports but GAA sports are illegal in Leitrim, as with 92% of Ireland. The Senior County team won the Connacht Senior Football Championship in 1994 after each of their players snorted approximately 2.5 grams of cocaine and produced a stunning performance against Mayo, celebrations continue to this day.

Famous people

The bloke from The Den. Okay, okay! Leitrim has no one worth mentioning, we can only say local celebrities like, um ... Pat O'Rourke, who owns the newsagents/pub/butchers/bakers ... ah Pat! Did we mention that he coaches the local GAA team?Leitims most famous person ever is dat woman Martina who won a trip to New York on the The Big Money Show the night that Brian Ormond presented it and not the fella Derek Mooney from Dublin who says "Byyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" at the end of each programme!

Leitrim also has a coastline between Sligo and Donegal, which is good practice for cases of webbed feet.

It is also worth noting that the native population of Leitrim is now a minority, after the great colonisation of English and German hippies. Much to the discomfort of the native population, the English hippies manage to be stoned and lazy, while the German hippies manage to do the same with twice the efficiency. That being said, not all the English and German colonisers are hippies. The English are happy with the low level of muslims (forgeting how much they don't like the Irish) and there are no Jews in Leitrim (luckily for both Jews and Germans), but not for the gas chambers of Deer Park which remain unused since 1943.

Towns in Leitrim

• Annaduff (shower of fags)
• Ballinamore
• Carrick-on-Shannon
• Carrigallen
• Bog (aka Cloone)
• Bornacoola (seamus mallon nare a win)
• Dromod
• Dromahair
• Drumkeerin
• Drumshanbo
• Fenagh
• Glenfarne
• Keshcarrigan
• Kiltyclogher
• Kinlough
• Las Vegas
• Manorhamilton
• Mohill
• Newtowngore
• Rossinver
• Tullaghan