Korean-American Women
In the United States, Korean-American women exist as a dedicated set of adopted woman babies. The woman babies are imported to Michigan in two year old batches, where they receive names like "Kara", "Tara", and other distinctive names ending in "ara". Korean American babies rank among Korea's largest export and provide a significant contribution to the domestic gross product (GDP). Once in Michigan, the woman babies learn to cook "food". The "food" is meant as an aphrodisiac to attract American mates, and includes "dumplings", "kimchi", and "pork bulgoki". The USDA has issued a public safety statement urging extreme caution with Korean American "food". For unrelated information, see Korean Culture.
Feeding Habits[edit | edit source]
American mates learn to cope with Korean American "food". When the Korean female turns away, the male quickly bags the "food" in a plastic bag, which he then disposes in the trash container, which he then hauls to the car and drives away for immediate disposal at the nearest garbage-disposal facility. The Korean female continues to cook her "food", unaware that disposal is occurring.
Reproduction Habits[edit | edit source]
If you are a Caucasian male, Korean American women want your baby. They will ask your stance on marriage on the first date, and invite you to bed to make a baby. Second dates consist of nesting. You will know nesting is occurring if you see a baby crib, a set of baby toys, and a pile of baby clothes in her room on the second date.
Korean American females are very loyal. The females provide a generous time-window for procreation and nesting. If nesting fails to occur by the second date, the Korean female initiates a search for another baby father.
Artistic Sensibility[edit | edit source]
Korean American females believe in artistic freedom, and refuse to discriminate between good music and bad music. According to the Korean American female, "No music is bad music". The female has an affinity for long drives, which she sees as an opportunity to share her stance on artistic freedom. The male learns to cope with the Korean American female by shutting down the radio and "enjoying" the car engine. The male then retreats to a distant place of his mind, where he pretends food and music are pleasant aessthetic experiences.
Mating[edit | edit source]
The Korean-American couple is like other couples. The couple contains one female and one male. However, the female is generally very small, and the male very large. The disparity in size creates severe difficulties with penetration during sex, which creates a disconnect between the couple, both real and figurative. The Korean American female copes with the disconnect by immediately initiating another search for an alternate baby father. You will know the female is searching for an alternate baby father when her room contains a new baby crib, a new set of baby toys, and a new pile of baby clothes. The Korean American female will announce the successful search of a new baby father by cutting off all contact with the original partner, except for the occasional spiteful email that explains how the male did everything wrong.
Intuition[edit | edit source]
Korean-American women read between the lines. Unlike men and women of other ethnicities, Korean-Women always successfully read between the lines. This talent is not vulnerable to failure at any time, which is why Korean-American women never jump to wrong conclusions about their partners. You will know a Korean female partner successfully read between the lines when the conclusion confuses even the American male. When the Korean American female successfully reads between the lines about a mate, she immediately initiates a new search for an alternate baby father. You will know another search for a baby father is in the works when the Korean American female adds yet another baby crib to her room, complete with yet another set of baby toys and another pile of baby clothes.
Natural Habitat[edit | edit source]
Korean American women love nature. The love for nature causes Korean American women to migrate to Boston's Brighton neighborhood. It is thought that Brighton provides a natural habitat to women of Korean descent. You will find Korean American women near bus stops, train stations, and other areas with clean air and abundant vegetation. Korean American women enjoy hiking and mountain climbing in Boston's many nature trails. Hot spots include the three meter wide corridor that straddles each train track, as well as bus routes.
Physical Traits[edit | edit source]
Korean American females are easy to recognize. The female contains a set of black hair. If you are unsure a woman with black hair is Korean, look for a flabby stomach and wide calves. Alternatively, look for a bucket of dumplings, which the female usually carries to feed the mate. Should you witness the female pass the bucket to the mate in public, immediately provide a distraction to allow the male an opportunity to dispose of the dumplings.
Korean-American woman can pull up to 40 times more weight then their males counterparts.
Bonus: They can perform their own dental work.
Korean Eyes as Smiley Face Emoticons[edit | edit source]
The eyes of a Korean-American female represent the smiley face emoticon, :). This makes males vulnerable to the hidden whims of the Korean American female. The male sees smiley faces in the female's face and assumes all is well. The female, on the other hand, assumes the male possesses the ability to read minds. When the male fails to recognize the Korean American female has a problem, the Korean American female immediately initiates another search for a new baby father. Signs include a new baby crib in her room, complete with a set of baby toys and a pile of new baby clothes. The American male is especially incapable of determining when the Korean American female has a problem, because of the smiley face emoticons that straddle the sides of her head.
Sexual Desires[edit | edit source]
Korean American females are horny. If the female is not making babies, she is thinking of making babies. Fantasies that involve baby-making often include copulating with multiple males to provide the most abundant baby-making opportunities. Because copulating with females produces no babies, Korean American females do not share the homosexual inclination found in subgroups of Caucasian women. Males that offer to copulate without condoms or other protection enjoy the best copulation opportunities with the Korean American female. Offering to use a condom causes the female to abandon the sexual act and resume the search for a new baby father. Signs the female has decided to search for a new baby father during a sexual advance include statements such as:
- "Oh, I wish I had a brand new baby crib. I have to go. I have to go buy a new baby crib. Put your pants on. I have to go."
- "Oh, I wish I had brand new baby toys. I have to go. I have to go buy new baby toys. Put your pants on. I have to go."
- "Oh, I wish I had brand new baby clothes. I have to go. I have to go buy new baby clothes. Put your pants on. I have to go."