Junkers Ju 87 "Stuka"

The Junkers Ju 87 “Stuka” was a German dive-bomber used by the Luftwaffe in WWII. The plane was known for its distinctive “WAHHHHHHHHH” as it dived towards ground targets.

Junkers Ju-87D's fleeing after bombing a Yugoslavian orphanage.

Pilots were not very fond of the “ WAHHHHHHHHH”. Reichsmarshall Hermann Göring is noted for asking his engineers “Anything we can do about that WAHHHHHHHHH?” To which he was met with a stern “You wanted WAHHHHHHHHH, you got WAHHHHHHHHH, stop complaining!”.

A major reason the Stuka was used was purely because Hitler really loved the WAHHHHHHHHH.

History

Early Design

The principal designer of the Ju 87, Hermann Pohlmann, believed that bombers were cool, so he made one. Hitler and Göring saw this plane in action one time before saying in complete unison "Big loud sirens." which were then promptly added. Göring is noted for regretting this choice but Hitler loved the WAHHHHHHHHH because "It's badass, like me!".

Spanish Civil War

The Ju 87 first saw action in Spain among the Condor Legion. At this time, the Ju 87 was still undergoing development and had not yet had its sirens added so no one cares about their use in Spain.

World War II

As of September 1st 1939, the Ju 87 had been fitted with sirens so now they are cool and awesome. A major downside of the cool sirens were that because there could be turned on and off, they were frequently turned off during a dive which instantly makes the plane useless and bad.

Poland

In Poland, pilots were ordered to use the sirens to aid in "psychological warfare" but it was actually because Hitler wanted big loud WAHHHHHHHHH's before the boom. During the invasion, pilots realized they could just turn the sirens off and not tell Hitler. This ruined the effectiveness of the plane because now it wasn't cool.

Battle of Britain

By this point, no pilot was using the siren, which had they been doing, they could have won. Pilots who were caught not using the sirens were sentenced to death, but no pilots were actually killed because then they have to train more and that requires work and no one could actually be bothered. Huh, maybe that's why they lost... no, it's because they didn't use their sirens.

North Africa

As the war in Africa was heavily mechanized, most Ju 87's were converted from dive bombers to close air support (Ju 87G). This resulted in the removal of the sirens and the addition of these huge cannons that were even cooler. Pilots who flew the Ju 87G were reported to be "The coolest sons 'a bitches" according to Generalfeldmarschall Erwin Rommel, commander of the Afrika Korps, who really loved big guns on planes.

Variants

Ju 87A

The Ju 87A was a prototype with no sirens, so it sucked.

Ju 87B

This was the most used variant of the Ju 87, this is because it had the siren. The rest of the Ju 87 variants are just updated Ju 87Bs, most of them without sirens so they suck and aren't good.

Ju 87R

It flew longer. It was basically the Ju 87B but with a better engine. It also had sirens so it was also pretty cool, however because it's just a Ju 87B with a better engine, it loses siren points. Be better Ju 87R, be your own plane.

Ju 87C

Ju 87B but torpedo's. Unfortunately, the Kriegsmarine sucked so this also sucks. Would be cooler if they had aircraft carriers but the Nazis were stupid and only had one, what losers.

Ju 87D

Just a newer Ju 87B, but worse because pilots decided the siren was for losers and turned them off during dives.

Ju 87G

Ju 87G with it's cool canon.

Actually not that bad, they had big 20mm canons under their wings, that was cool.