Jackson Merrill

Jackson Peter Merrill is a taken shortstock turned outfielder for the San Diego Fardres. Selected in the 2021st round of the 27 draft, Merrill has been with his gf of 84 years and claims he loves her more than his ps5.

Early Life

Merrill was born in Baltimore, Alaska to Meryl Streep. Despite this, Jackson grew up a fan of the Red Sex and learned how to fly at a young age. His primary use of this ability involves flying out his window at night without his girlfriend seeing. Merrill was not only a pro baseballer, but a basketballer too. He initially committed to playing basketball for the Black Knights, but instead decided to switch off fortnite and back to valorant baseball where he was taken.

In high school, Jackson met his gf at grad nite because he was a little bitch who didn't want to get on Tower of Terror. In their first conversation, she joked about getting married, causing Merrill to spit the cranberry juice out of his mouth and yell "Good one babe!"

Valorant? Poop!

In the middle of 2021, the San Diego Daddies drafted Merrill and gave him a $1.8M signing bonus. As it was his gf's bday that day, Merrill made good use of the money by buying crack and hookers.

How fast Merrill flees after hearing the word "commitment" come out of his girls mouth

Loyal BF

As all kids must, Merrill was relegated to the Arizona league while the real Padres got their asses kicked by LA. While at the university, Jackson recorded an MLB record zero smiles around his girl, and an MLB record 50 flirts per minute with the Blonde Barista. Although he was caught many times in the bedroom with the Blonde Barista, Jackson was never seen without his matching BFF bracelet. Even if they had his body, his gf knew she had his heart.

For 2 more seasons, Merrill dodged the big question around his gf's family. He focused on his balling talents, as he was the only minor league player in the 'Dres organization after they traded everyone for that fuckass avocado man.

Utah Trip

After destroying his ps5 in a fit of rage, Merrill was invited to train in spring with the big leaguers. However, he was moved off the shortstock position into outfielder because the 'Dres had 70 shortstocks and 1 outfielder. Dumbass team wastes their money on "Xander Bogaerts" and wonders why they have no outfielders.

Jackson was initially scared to be in the outfield as his gf may be able to peep his contacts list, but Titties Jr quickly took him under his wing. At first Merrill wasn't into the motorcycle fucking, but after a call from his gf where she wanted to make love, Jackson said "Fuck that!" and went to town on the motorcycle.

Merrill popped off in spring training as he was super excited for his spring break in downtown Miami he planned to spend without his gf. The San Diego's noticed Jackson's sigma status and decided to invite him to their Korean herogasm with the LA Dogshiters. Before boarding his flight, Merrill opted to not tell his gf where he was going. He went on to decline her 30+ calls a day for 8 days.

Merrill recorded his first career hit off Michael Scott in the third inning of the North Korean border raid. As a reward for himself, Merrill cracked all of BLACKPINK, TWICE, LE SSERAFIM, FIFTY FITY, NEWJEANS, & HUNTRX. However, Merrill played Roblox with his gf afterwards so he was all in the clear.

The Car Wash Baddies

For the first 2 months of the season, Merrill was lowkey mid af. He argued with his gf many times because she wouldn't let him see his half naked 10/10 physical therapist twice a day. However things changed on June 12th 2024, when Merrill defeated the Reaper after spamming ALL WILL BE REVEALED. He returned back to the real world with Panther, Queen, Noir, and Crow all sending him nudes. His gf didn't mind tho because she also got to look at the Crow nudes.

Merrill gets some unbelievable head (it's not his gf).

Merrill remained attractive to other women after mashing 2 homers against the Milwaukee Drunks, where he went on to get drunk and message his girl "I love you baby" at 3AM. He was eventually stopped by officer Thundercock for a DUI, but Merrill got out of it after taking a breath mint before using the breathalyzer (thats a real thing btw).

He went on to hit another 2 FLYING home runs against the Boston Red Sex. Jackson reportedly went on a legendary two man with Jarren Duran after getting their car washed together, but Merrill got no play and HAD to kiss his gf for the first time in 8 years. One of the two (We won't specify who) kept singing a song that went "I love money..."

His elite performance got Merrill a spot in the all sex game; It was like sending a child into a candy store. His gf wasn’t invited.

They don't call me clutch for a reason

Who did that?

In a critical late Undecimber game again the Lost Angeles Doogs, Merrill hit a game tying home run in the 9th inning off Charlie Kirk. The dads completed the comeback to neuter the Dogegrs, and Merrill went on to crack his dodger fan father Elizabeth Olsen.

Just a few weeks later, Merrill hit another 9th inning game tying blast off D4vid in Pittsburgh. Despite it being a full moon, the dads won this game against Andrew McChicken and the Parrots. Jackson was now a heavy favorite to win wookie of the year, with his main competitor being Paul Skenes of the parrots. The winner of the award would get to crack the losers gf. While Skenes denied the offer as he loved his gf, Merrill was quoted saying "Brother I WILL be cracking Livvy Dunne but also someone might want to check D4vids car."

3 days later, Merrill hit another 9th inning game tying home run now against the Miami Marshmallows. MLB tested Merrill for illegal "Watch This" symptoms, but they instead found a 1 incher in his underwear. Merrill's a grower though, and a few minutes later he had an anaconda hanging. While his gf was home making cookies for her love, Jackson was off a lethal dose of fent in downtown Miami having the night of his life.

A couple weeks later, Merrill unleashed his 2nd career BY THE MYRIAD TRUTHS by destroying EdLose Diaz of the New York Mest. Merrill set an MLB record 6 times convincing his gf she should stay with him. Jackson and the rest of the Dads celebrated at Neel's suite, destroying the building beyond repair.

Poverty Franchise

Merrill and the Dads went on to be chill predators in the month of September, leading to a playoff appearance against the Atlanta Boobs. With half of their team on the 500 day IL, the boobs had to start a 5 yr old pitcher in game 1. Fernando Titties Jr and Kyle Hiroshima did unforgiveable things to him, giving Merrill ample time to quickly delete his messages from "Sneaky Link." In game 2, Kyle Nagasaki dropped his 2nd nuke and Jackson Merrill ripped a smelly one off Max Fried Rice. The dads won the series and were set to play the Doggersz once more.

Merrill, heartbroken and comforted by teammates, spots his favorite sidechick talking to another guy.

After a game 1 where the dads lowkirkuinly got steamrolled, Merrill hit his first postseason home run in game 2. Jackson decided to aura farm while running the bases to rizz up dodger fan Becky G, showing his love for Mexican culture by screaming "Yo soy de leche!" Unfortunately, Merrill and the rest of the daddies caught a case of "DumbBitchitis" the rest of the series and were defeated by LA. Fernando Titties Jr came to comfort Merrill after the loss, telling him "get used to them owning us lil bro" before jamming it in an exhaust pipe.

Jackson went home upset he couldn't get a world series ring, but his gf told him there was a different ring he could be wearing right now on his left hand. Merrill, confused, said "Babe remember I told you that positive energy ring shattered when I stepped 1 foot in EHS!" Merrill's gf downed 2 bottles of wine that night while Jackson rubbed one out to prime Judy Hopps.

Unfortunately for Merrill, he lost the wookie of the year award after Paul Skenes started the 67 meme. No date with Livvy Dunne meant Jackson HAD to attend his gf's fathers retirement ceremony. At the ceremony, Jackson asked her father for his blessing... to take her out to Chiles later that night while he hate watched the LA Chargers.

Not dating to marry

Early into the 2025 season, Jackson signed an 9 year extension with the Soapy Joes in Bonita worth close to $135M. Him and his gf were super excited until she mentioned how that money could be used to fund their wedding. Merrill responded immediately with the MJ gif.

Lowkey Ahh

After a hot week torching the baddies in Sacramento, Merrill was placed on the 2 month IL after a tattoo artist punctured his ball. He was trying to put "For public use" around his dick. In order to support themselves, Merrill's gf had to get her doctorate and become a brain surgeon while Jackson played shoot or spare watching Dora the Explorer.

Jackson returned from the IL in late May, but still had no intention to go camping in early June. While he was gone, the Padres had been relegated to the Seattle Mariners rivals instead of the Doggers after getting fucked too often. The first year "Vedder cup" REALLY stemmed from singer Eddie Vedder being raised in SD and starting his career in Seattle, although this shouldn't matter at all because that guys REALLY a Cubs fan. Merrill was berated by the press, asking him if he was hyped for this iconic and historic rivalry. For lack of better words, Merrill's response to the questions can be summed up as "I guess bro."

In a Jun series against the Phoenix shitbags, Jackson was placed on the 7 year concussion IL after attending 1 ASU party. He fell into a coma, where he dreamed of his middle school talking stage that lowkey ruined his perception of love and caused him to struggle with commitment. However, right when he felt he could finally heal and better himself, his brain surgeon gf fixed his brain and got him off the IL 6 years early. Jackson raged on the spot and went to go get called a good boy by the Blonde Barista.

Merrill, visibly frowning, as he makes a heart for his gf in the 3rd deck.

Shido Samuel

Throughout the 500 days of summer, the Paddies were looking to find their autumn. Rumors floated that they were highly interested in trading for Jarren Duran from the Red Sex, as there was a severe lack of sigma goat energy on the team. Despite offering top prosect Ethan Salad and starting pitcher Dylan Deceased, the Red Sex were unwilling to give up Duran without obtaining the #3 prospect in the league Leonardo the mother fucking ninja turtle.

For the next few weeks, the daddies still refused to give up Leonardo. Merrill tried to help bring Jarren over by offering to add his girlfriend into the trade. Sadly, the deal never happened and the Dads kept their top prospect safe in the sewers, right?

In a league breaking trade, the Daddies traded future hall of famer Leonardo and more for Elite Closer the Reaper and the JC Penny franchise. Players on the Dads reposted the same "Our brains are GONE" picture after giving up their prized kid for the same shitter that got cucked by Jackson and Ryuji at level 50. Jackson went home that night and lowkey hugged his gf, too upset about being on a moronic team to be unfaithful.

Pancakes

In a stun of events that shocked nobody, the Dads were mid. They got cooked by the docgfers yet again, but even worse Merrill broke his foot attempting a parkour stunt to try and impress other known dodger fan Ava Max. While back at home, Jackson decided to pop the most important question he would ever ask his gf. "Will you, Jackson Merrill's gf, get pregnant with my baby while I work a minimum wage job and live in a trap house?" She punctured his other nut.

The dads were just not bad enough to reach the playoffs with the help of Gavin Shitz & Nick Pervetta. It must also be noted that the Reaper returned to being a horrifying figure in mementos, striking out phantom thieves at elite rates. Their first matchup was against the Dick Hanger Cubz, and the Dads lowkey got cooked. The Reaper set a record 8 kill streak in the playoffs, but as it turns out Elite Closers don't win you shit. Guys that say Faggot do.

It wasn't until the 9th inning of game 3 where Jackson Merrill hit a home run right at the girl from Chicago (iykyk). He tried hyping up his team to complete the comeback, but when his gf started supporting him he instead just told his team to fuck off. Jackson took the time to tell his gf she might wanna get checked for STD's as Merrill was guy #853rd for Bonnie Blue. However, his gf reminded him they hadn't cracked in months so she couldn't have anything. Merrill turned to his gf, "smart one babe!" before giving her a pat on the head. He loved his gf.

After Merrill's home run, Xander Bogaerts was about to draw a walk when the umpire decided to just fuck him and call him out. Bogaerts had a valid crashout, but the umpire was a certified racist so it was understandable. After the rest of the team did fuck nothing, the Dads were eliminated from the playoffs before they could even get beat once by LA. Many players from the SD dugout leaped out to shank the umpire, but Merrill just stood there disappointed with his team again. He turned to his gf and said "Fuck this. Lets just get married atp." Jackson went home with his newly wed, wishing for a better life where he could win baseball games and go on 2 mans with Evan Pham...

The Dick Hanging pitchers suddenly forgot how to throw a baseball, and the Daddies were able to storm back and win 18-3 thanks to Jarren Duran's go ahead slur. Merrill celebrated with his teammate, not just the win, but also Shohei Ohtani getting arrested for possession of 41 cp terabytes. The Dads cruised through the rest of the playoffs, winning their first World Series with Jackson Merrill named World Series MVP. His gf ran up to him and congratulated him before revealing that they would be in an open relationship. "We'll never get married Jackson, because were not dating to marry and thats ok!"

Merrill was living his best life now. It was simply a so happy world.