Internal Monologue
The ultra-libellous transcript of what somebody is most likely thinking is their Internal Monologue; essentially a conversation with oneself, otherwise known as Speaking In-Loud (rather than out).
Historically Significant Internal Monologues[edit | edit source]
Each epoch of modern civilisation has probably almost certainly pirouetted upon what somebody is more than likely saying to themselves. Mankind's most earth shattering events are detailed below in internal transcript form.
The Defilement of Jennifer Wilbanks[edit | edit source]
One day holy homecoming virgin queen princess-bride-to-be Jennifer Wilbanks took a pre-marital frolic in the arboretum in order to sunbathe her eyeballs...
"Jesus freaking Christ! I just can't wait another second until I'm all married and everything!"
"Lord on High Alter would you just look at me? I'm jogging with such pep in my paces!"
"Holy Communion please protect me as I pass by this Copper Colored Criminal!"
"Gossamer wing'd Gods won't you spare my powdered jogging bodice?"
"Trinity of Ghosts rebirth now and swoop down as my divine defenders against the brown devil!"
"Oh Pappy! Oh Pope! Why must I forever reek of this freaking ACCURSED SEXYness????"
Duncan Ferguson is Left to His Own Devices[edit | edit source]
Duncan Disorderly staggers into his kitchen, overturns the dining table, sits in the sink, pours Bran Flakes in his lap and then turns the tap on...
Et luks laiyk uh wee firrmament, duz it no'?
The laand b'furr tiym, iz it no'?
Me bein' th' King in iz karsul...
...at torp of my tawurr eye luk doon my lang rrregul nooz at a prrehistoric kingdum, duu eye no'?
Kennin' the wee tectonic plates az theey mill aboot...
Look Dunc heerr cumz an ast'rroid!!!!
It was at this point that Duncan plunged his fist into the Bran Flake firmament, in simulation of an asteroid impact, which left a crater.
The ast'rroid print maayd four lang furrowz
Four vah-lez b'tween fiyv hulls
And in the fourth vah-leh sits Lork Ferrgusun
It's thought a faybelled creechurr frum firmament tymes may lurk in theez wuturrs
Look! Thur's the beest noo...
Lawllin' aboot in Duncan Bay...
Posin' fir toorists huu caiym doon from th' hills...
Swannin' arrund my lork wi' a poutin' snout...
Thaat corcky corkless kaamra-hoggin' kunt...
Am' fair shurr that f'kin' baunless prretty-boy thinks 'e auwns th' plaiyss...
Al' wipe thaa' smuurk auff yurr faiyss!!!!!
It was at this point Duncan head butted his tiny civilisation into a featureless pulp, killing all the tourists as well as the monster affectionately known as "Dunky".
Nay mur hills noo...
Jus' flaat as a doylee as far as sorry Dunc's eyes care t'ey luuk
Fiyv nooble hill-top tauns razed doon too naut
An' that puurr wee wriggla...
My happy Lork wurrm! My pretty babbie snaaik! Daddy begs furrgivenuss!