Humasochism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
According to urban myth, a banana is edible

Humasochism or humiliatory masochism refers to receiving satisfaction from being humiliated, but in a friendly and often even respectful way. It can be seen as a trait of character of some humans and even some humanoids under lab conditions.

As opposed to masochism, humasochism is never about being hurt and enjoying that. Humasochists only like to be humiliated and when they are presented in a silly way, that can help them in their personal development. A classic way of doing this, is by sucking on a banana. Science has long established that bananas are not edible, but according to urban myth, they are, and because of that, sucking on a banana can strike reasonable people as very irrational and the person who is engaged in the act as not very intelligent.

The fantasy that bananas are edible was first mentioned in the literature in the minutes of the New York ACS (Annual Conference of Sadists) held in 1969. These records mention that making people believe bananas are edible can further the cause of SM in the world, ultimately making it a better place. The way in which this would make the world a better place is not explained in the minutes.

Of course, sucking on a banana is just one of many expressions of humasochism. When a banana is not available, just sucking on a finger, staring at unusual places e.g. in the hope of finding traces of circumstancial evidence of the presence of a sausage in extraordinary places such as refrigerated display cases in supermarkets and in alternative places such as the area between men's legs, singing songs like Britney Spears's I'm a Slave For You and eating ice creams in public are other examples of it.

Origin of the word[edit | edit source]

The term humasochism was introduced by Professor Vrastrolonovic in one of his early publications on the subject and it has gained wide acceptance after this publication. Vrastrolonovic stresses the fact, that humasochism is mostly a sign of being human, and that even species of humanoids have been isolated in labs who displayed signs of early stages of humasochism. Some scientists do prefer the term subtle masochism or humiliatory masochism and avoid the word humasochism. This avoidance is often a symptom of neologismophobia in one of the advanced stages of this type of anxiety disorder. In fact, the word humasochism is a contraction of the words humiliation and masochism and Vrastrolonovic points out, that only humiliation and no pain is involved, hence this choice.

Motives of the humasochist[edit | edit source]

Humasochism can be compared to smoking, but it is neutral to health and environment

To most humasochists, humasochism is a source of relaxation or a technique for stress relief. The typical humasochist enjoys it when people smile at her and hopes her humasochism can be some source of entertainment to people around her. Many people who choose the profession of a clown do so based on humasochistic motives, and most clowns do their best to make other people laugh at them. However, most humasochists do not choose their profession based on it. Humasochism is often seen as an escape from reality. Many humasochists have stress at their work and just like having several days off can help normal people in forgetting about their work altogether, the humasochist can do so by humiliating herself. Humasochists who take themselves very seriously will usually deny that being a humasochist is an escape from reality, holding that reality is relative anyway and that physical reality, psychological reality, philosophical reality, virtual reality etc. are in fact all part of the big single reality that all people are part of. A popular slogan among humasochists is: "In a parallel world, you would be the humasochist and I would be the one who is laughing."

To a certain extent expressions of humasochism can be compared to smoking cigarettes or cigars. People who smoke often say that smoking helps them to relax. To non-smokers, this can seem very irrational, but among themselves, smokers do find it quite normal and natural that they relax this way. This comparison is only relative, though. As opposed to humasochists, smokers damage their own health and sometimes even that of people around them. Many smokers take frequent smoking breaks. The cigarette butt is the most numerically frequent litter in the world, which has negative effects on the environment, whereas humasochism is neutral to the environment. Also, smokers greatly outnumber humasochists worldwide, and smoking is a widely accepted phenomenon, whilst humasochism is a marginal phenomenon and fewer people dare to express their humasochism in society.

Humasochism vs. masochism[edit | edit source]

Even though humasochism is different from masochism, there are some similarities between these traits of character. Both the humasochist and the masochist typically admire people who have much power and authority, they eat relatively more quantities of bananas than others and they usually prefer wearing tight brown leather skirts.

The main difference between humasochism and masochism remains, that a humasochist tries to avoid pain at all cost, both in real life and in role play situation, and that she mainly strives for relaxation and stress relief. Many masochists do like being in pain, even if only during a role play. Besides that, the humasochist values expressions of respect, politeness and friendliness towards herself, where the masochist does not care about that.

Sometimes the concept of humasochism is seen as a special case of masochism, and in practice many humasochists are called masochists because of that, or because people are less familiar with the word humasochism.

In general, the humasochist is more subtle in the degradation and humiliation she strives for. She always wants to make a valuable contribution to the society she lives in, so getting drunk in public annoying people with that, getting ill, endangering her own life or job, etc. are things she will always try to avoid.

History of Humasochism[edit | edit source]

The most natural outfit of a humasochist is a tight brown leather skirt

Humasochism dates back hundreds of thousands of years. Archaeological excavations in Central, North-, South- West- and East-Africa and other parts of this continent have revealed many remains of pre-historic humasochists and their artefacts. Scientists generally agree, that the first clothes that man used included leather skirts, the favorite clothing of the humasochist. Also, ancestors of homo sapiens, as well as related primates like gorillas, are known to have a diet that included far more bananas than the average modern human has. So the diet of primitive homo sapiens resembles that of the humasochist to a far greater extent. There are theories that the humasochist represents a more primitive subspecies of homo sapiens sapiens, but many other scientists believe that the humasochist is almost as intelligent as other humans, but that she keeps closer ties with earlier stages of the evolution of her species because that helps her to relativize her life with its challenges and problems, which enables her to relax.

The ability to relax under very stressful circumstances gave the humasochist an evolutionary advantage. More brave and intelligent members of the tribe who pioneered and explored new territories, often had a short life expectancy. It was necessary that enough members of the tribe lived longer to maintain a strong tribe. Also, to the leaders of the tribes it was crucial that enough members obeyed them and were loyal to them. The humasochists were always the first to kneel down before the leaders of their tribe. In modern society, the life expectancy of the humasochist is not higher than that of others and modern leaders do not expect their subordinates to kneel down before them, even though the humasochist will always be willing to do so and at times even has to refrain herself from doing so as kneeling down comes very natural to her.

Ambitions[edit | edit source]

The humasochist's most normal position: kneeling. This illustration shows an ambitious ancient Egyptian humasochist

Paradoxically, many humasochists display a great amount of ambition. Many of them will try to get high grades for exams, win prizes and excel in all sorts of things. Almost always this is misplaced and based on a distorted self image, in which their ego still plays a role as their will is not fully broken yet by a dominant. Often, a superior at the work floor can be of help, by letting the humasochist do work that is below her level, or that is even considered as simple or stupid by her, and making sure her job title does not reflect too much ambition. Such corrective measures can help break the will of the humasochist so that she does not have to worry too much in life and can relax more.

Critics hold, that the humasochist is less consistent in her view of life than the masochist because of this misplaced ambition and this yearning for politeness and friendliness from the people around her. Still, in all cases the humasochist is best treated in a friendly and very positive manner, and if she has to do very simple work, she should be praised for doing this so well. If people are negative towards her or exaggerate in degrading her, she may fall back in an ambitious role because of natural defense mechanisms induced by the ego that has not yet been effaced. A good strategy is to encourage her to present herself in a weak way, and if she indicates that she has made mistakes or has not been able to do certain work, to thank her for sharing that and laugh. In case she says she has forgotten an earlier appointment, telling her with a big smile that it is too late anyway can also help her not to be overly conscientious. If the humasochist does more complicated or responsible work, she can also get some compliments for that, but for the rest that work should be trivialized, as there is always work of others that is more relevant and important that deserves more attention and there are always others who can be praised for the work or who even like to pretend that they have done the work of the humasochist or who can point out how other ways of doing the work would have been better. Knowing that colleagues can always help out and advise and take control of the situation allows the humasochist to stay calm, knowing she can always rely on her colleagues if she does not know something or is unable to do all the work she is supposed to do, which allows her to be at ease as she does not need to worry too much about her work.

At times, a humasochist can be shy and hesitate to share her humasochistic thoughts and experiences with her superior, as she is afraid the superior will find them weird. If the superior stresses, that it is allright to share them and that every person has things that others consider as less normal or special and that she can be herself, this can help the humasochist in her personal development as well. Feeling accepted can lead to the happiness and peace of mind of the humasochist. Professor Vrastrolonovic gives the advise, to always treat a humasochist in a positive manner, encouraging her, stimulating her to do work below her level for which she is praised, and to let her get used to pointing out her own inadequacies on a regular basis, smiling at her as a sign of favor and reassurance.

Some humasochists consider themselves as unrecognized geniuses. This is because they are used to thinking in extremes, and they think they somehow escape the mediocracy of so many humans who just live because they live and work because they work. The one single question that a humasochist who thinks she is a genius needs to be asked is: Do you actually like bananas? If the humasochist who is asked this question does not give a straight answer, but hesitates or starts staring without giving an answer, you know she is aware of her humasochism. If she admits that she likes bananas, this is even more evidence that she has accepted her humble position. There have been cases in the literature of humasochists whose mind totally went blank when bananas were mentioned, and it is always interesting to see what the reaction is to this question.

Humasochism in the context of a business[edit | edit source]

Do not hand out cigars, hand out bananas instead. The banana is a perfect gift that can solve many problems in a very simple way.

In general, humasochism is seen as a trait of character that does not cause any harm to other people and that is innocent because of that. Like neologismophobia, humasochism is seen as harmless and therefore as acceptable and certainly as non-problematic for business procesess. If a humasochist makes sure that she relaxes with her humasochism without bothering people at work, that is generally seen as acceptable.

As the humasochist is used to a submissive position, her submissive attitude generally does not pose any problems to any colleagues. In general she will even be more cooperative than others, putting in more time and effort as she likes to please others. On the work floor, the way the humasochist behaves or things she has or does that are unusual or even silly can be a source of jokes, which can contribute to a good atmosphere and good relations between the colleagues. Various theories of humor exist. According to Alexander Bain (1818-1903), even all humor is based on degrading some person or something. The humasochist can make a very useful contribution to that at the place of work if she gets used to being the object of friendly joking degradation.

Instead of gossips that are counterproductive and that can spoil the atmosphere, friendly jokes can have a very positive effect at work. If problems do arise because of misplaced ambitions on the part of the humasochist, offering her a banana on a regular basis, stressing one is very happy with her current job title and position and the work she does and smiling as she sucks on the banana, can be a relatively easy solution to that. A banana is far more wholesome than a traditional gift like a cigar, cake or chocolate. To the humasochist it is important to realize that she can just be herself and that she is accepted the way she is.

See also[edit | edit source]