HowTo talk:Rap

From Pee Review

Here's another one. Tell me what you think! --Blahshoe 00:18, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Very low joke/satire density, especially in the first two sections.
Concept:	8	Good idea for a How-To article.
Prose and formatting:	8	Well-written and easy to read. Good flow.
Images:	7	The "whitey can rap" and "turntable master" images are good; not so sure about the "Subwoofer" one or the dancers.
Miscellaneous:	7	Needs work to become either consistently funny or consistently satirical or both.
Final Score:	36
Reviewer:	----OEJ 01:58, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

End notes:

The "Rapping Basics" section might almost be a serious tutorial on how to rap. The satire runs pretty thin. Many rap lyrics actually use the FUC-U rhyme scheme, don't they? Or the INYOFACE scheme. And don't rappers almost without exception use the definitive Oxbridge English Rhyming Dictionary to come up with rhymes?

Dis here rap I make it snap, it ain't no crap dis boy be crazy

I hits it hard takes it to the yard plays my card to the bourgeoisie

Rap it.

Oh snap!

Rap it.

Oh snap!

Dis here nigga be the greatest since Moses

And he ain't gonna get no pneumonocosis.

And talk about literary allusions!

I be the baddest in the hood

Poke yo mama with the long hard wood

Grab yo sista with my pimpin' hand

Take her to a pleasure-dome in Samarkand.

I mean, rappers thrive on fine literature.

Don't come up against me son

I blow yo legs off with my .45 gun

Bettah turn around nigga, better run

I got me a literary edu-ca-shun!

Yeah Percy Bysshe Shelley he be de one

Ol' Shakespeare

he be weak beer

into yo' ear

When de Shelley rap come to bein' done!

And you've forgotten the most important part of being a rapper -- getting shot! Beginners can of course shoot themselves in the leg, the upper arm, the tongue, or the testicles in order to get those all-important bullet scars and the bragging rights that go with them. Also important is bling. Many rappers have taken to hanging "spinner" type hubcaps around their necks. Also popular as rap jewelry are gold-plated manhole covers, Humvees, and diamond-encrusted cheese wheels.

Anyway, jazz up the piece. It's too serious. ----OEJ 01:58, 24 February 2007 (UTC)