HowTo talk:Clown Stalk
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|This HowTo was nominated for deletion on May 12, 2011.
The result of the discussion was Keep.
- A wind-up car pulls to a stop on this article's talk page. The doors open in a comical manner, which is to say they don't open at all, and seven clowns climb from the windows, Dukes of Hazard style. One pops the trunk to retrieve the midgets. The lot approach you.
- The first clown tweaks your nose just a little too hard and you stumble to retaliate, when you are pushed by the second. He doesn't exert much force, but it's just enough to cause you to perform a backward somersault over clown three, who had lumped himself behind your feet. The midgets come and help you to your feet and you think, "I knew there was a reason I always liked midgets, aside from them being funnier than clowns. And these are midget clowns... helpful, friendly midget clowns." Just then, they form a ring around you and for a moment you assume they are going to break out into an Oompa-Loompa song and dance number. They do not. Instead, the midget clown stockpile commences. They are not helpful or friendly, after all.
- Clown whatever number we're on comes and hits you with the seltzer. At least it's cherry flavored. Another clown laughs. The rest join in, except the mime, who is only mouthing laughter. You don't know which is worse. The mockery is brutal. You gather your resolve and think. You are a classically-trained survivalist, after all. But the match in your shoe has been burning away and you try to stamp it out, to no avail. It keeps relighting. Damn funny clowns. Then it comes to you. You stretch your arms high above your head, to make yourself appear bigger.
- Shit. That's bears.
- The clowns are closing in. You fall to the ground and feign death.
- Shit. Bears, again.
- Out of ideas, you finally accept your fate and stand, unbothered and unwavering. The clowns disperse.
- Abject lesson #4: Clowns are fickle bitches.